Posted on by PeaceBang

What Hose To Wear With Black Pants and Pumps: PeaceBang, Help!

Clergy Fashion Emergency, Consult Needed: Wearing dressy black pumps with cuffed black slacks for interfaith healing service tonight. I tend to hate the look of dark monochrome shoe/hose/pants so I go with nude colored knee highs. But then I wonder, is the flesh color a conspicuous color break?

1. First of all, cuffed trousers on women are an abomination unto the Lord. A minor abomination, but still an abomination, unless one is highly fashionable and wearing fantastic heels and wearing a swingy trouser with SASSY cuffs and a fitted, sexy jacket and has all other proportions fabulously right. And how often is that the case for ordinary women, let alone clergy at this time of year?
I myself am finding myself saying things to our church secretary like, “I think I need to shower before I come in, do you think I have time?” And she calmly and reassuringly responds, “Vicki, I think it’s okay if you attend to personal hygiene.” She’s so wonderful.

2. White-lady nude knee highs with dressy black pants and heels are frumpy. I would go with taupe, sheer black or charcoal grey. This is important (because I arbitrarily decided that it is): do NOT wear opaque stockings or socks with pants and heels for standard clergy professional wear. Wear a weight of stocking or hose or sock that shows some skin, reflects some flesh and light. Someday when I have time I’ll do a photo shoot illustrating how much more elegant this looks than either white-lady nude (frumpy) or opaque hose (renders the line of the pump invisible against the foot, so why not just wear boots?).

This is why PeaceBang can be found in the hosiery section of Target examining socks and knee highs with the ferocious concentration of Madame Curie peering into her microscope. She is hunting just the right color, weight and material for professional wear and it is painstaking business.

Details, pigeons. It’s really all in the details.

And the first person who says, “Oh, PeaceBang, it’s an interfaith healing service, can’t you relax just this once?” To that, I respond, “Absolutely not. Now, more than ever, beauty must prevail over forces of horror and brokenness.”

Salvation through hosiery. You heard it here.

And L.? Pack a clean cotton hankie in your pocket and a kiss from PB in your beautiful handbag.

5 Replies to “What Hose To Wear With Black Pants and Pumps: PeaceBang, Help!”

  1. Wow. I had my priorities all wrong. It’s hosiery – hosiery has been the secret of happiness and professional success – right under my nose! Or rather, under my knees. I just didn’t know it. I have been wearing stockings in white lady nude (which sounds more Renaissance painterly here than it does on a knee-high package, doesn’t it?) in complete ignorance. Thanks for the smile… [*Laying on of hands* It will be okay, Gidge. Jesus heals. – PB]

  2. Ok, I hearya on the hose, and your comments are helpful. Note to Self: Nude White Lady does not convey authority in a positive manner. Teeheehee.

    But seriously, I need a little more on the cuffs… I hear you that they need to be a part of an “on purpose” look, but I am not clear on WHY they are an abomination unto the Lord. You KNOW I don’t want to be an abomination, but I am pretty good at picking stylish outfits, dressing different body shapes for different occasions, and I often get compliments on my clothing from people I trust and who clearly think about these things (I won’t ever forget the time one of the impeccably stylish Johnson sisters from New Yawk Citeh says she liked my outfit, which happens to be the same one I’m wearing today)

    So, WHY exactly are cuffs abominable? My opinion is that though they can be done badly, they add definition and gravitas to an otherwise plain outfit, anchoring the leg and creating a nice line at the ankle. Also, since I am “wide in the lower torso” it feels like the cuff serves to balance the look a bit.

    And I will most certainly carry your kiss of peace with me this evening, we’ve invited both school systems, the interfaith community and all first responders, so I am moving deliberately today, with the words incarnation, anchor and comfort as my touchstones, and taking lots of deep breaths. <3

  3. I know this is a “problem” that most people would die for, but for those of us who are tall and long legged, the cuffing on our pants can really help with proportions. Otherwise, it looks like my legs just never end. So cuffs for the tall girls among us (over 5’7″) shouldn’t be a problem… right?? [RIGHT!! They’re great for taller, slim and really long-legged gals. -PB]

  4. I regularly have the too-long legs of pants cuffed professionally because I like a menswear look. I’ve got a li’l bit of a drag king in me. [Yep. You’re working the cuff exactly the way they should be worked, if you’re gonna wear ’em. And why am I so not surprised? – PB]

Comments are closed.