Beauty Tips for Ministers

Clogs Are Back!!

Remember when you got your first pair of clogs in, like, 1980 and your parents were all tsk-tsk about it, saying that they were stupid, dangerous shoes and that you were sure to fall and break your neck wearing them? And you were just so thrilled because they were CLOGS and clogs were SO COOL then?

Well, they’re back. They’re back in a big way this season. So let’s review:

This is what the new clog looks like: cute and high-heeled. My manicurist was wearing these yesterday and they were darned adorable. Franco Sarto, available at Macy’s. I don’t love the rubber sole but they certainly are non-slip!

Very sharp. Very appropriate for a minister’s wardrobe.

Also nice. By Born.

Suede can be really nice, but you have to keep it clean. These heels aren’t quite so high.

You know what I think of these: frumpy and you can do better. And no, this doesn’t make them less frumpy:

I know there are a few of you out there who can carry these off, but there are many more of you who think they’re FUN and who aren’t at all carrying them off. Especially not with big, floppy linen pants and jackets, long beaded necklaces and “creative” specs. There’s a fine line between creative and kooky/eccentric/who could possibly take her seriously?
Wait. I take it back. No one can get away with those. Those are just plain hideous.

These clog Mary Janes are FRUMPY! ALWAYS FRUMPY!!! PERIOD!! No more Miz NiceBang on these!! They. Are. FRUMPOLA.

These are so much better!


Very sophisticated for summer days at the office.

Keep your clogs all polished and nice, now. They get dingy fast and you want those little hooves to look like they didn’t just come in from the barn.

(All the photos came from the Zappos.com website. Do a keyword search for “high-heeled clogs” to find them for yourself.)

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The LBS: Little Black Sheath

Isn’t this just darling? PeaceBang LOVES getting these testimonials from you! It gives such a lift to dreary, snowy afternoons like this one. Sarah writes in:

Peace Bang, I realized I have a bit of a pulpit clothing story to relate, and who else would I want to share it with? None other than PB, of course. Mostly because I think your fabulous, well-groomed nature is rubbing off on me (an outfit! with accessories!).

I have grown up in a large suburban UU church that has sheltered and supported me throughout my life. As I began expressing interest in ministry, the church has continued to encourage my exploration: I have been a member of the Ministerial Intern Committee, and a couple years ago, I was asked to do a reading for two separate services for Christmas Eve, in front of 1,000 of my closest friends. This year, I offered again (to our overworked ministers) and was asked to do two readings.

As my family buzzed about getting ready to leave for church, I peered into my travel bag to see what I had thought to bring to wear. I’d be up in the pulpit, next to our senior minister, in front of hundreds of people. No pressure. I threw on the pants and sweater set I had thought to bring and—of course, amid wedding planning and the holidays, I’d gained a few pounds that made those lovely soft-cut corduroys into skin-squeezing stretchy abominations. Thankfully, while packing, I’d asked my fiancé if I should bring a skirt. “Sure,” he said, to my eternal gratitude.

So I threw on what I’d brought “just in case”—a classic black sheath (my mother said it hearkened Jackie O: modest neckline, hemline to the knee); with a white cardigan (three quarter sleeves), a double strand of silver linked oval chain, and the kicker (literally): red Bandolino pumps (low heel, pointed toe, plain leather). My hair was swept off my face in a side part low ponytail, and I had light makeup (soft brown to accent my eyes, and au naturale pink lips, as usual). I felt professional, festive (thanks, shoes!), classy, and beautiful. I think it was clear I wasn’t a minister (aside from the lack of robe and stole), but I’d like to think I gave some dignity to the situation.

I can only look back in retrospect and hope my outfit passes the PB test. I’d like to think that my outfit struck the right balance, for a young twenty-something, non-minister, in the pulpit for Christmas. You’re rubbing off on all of us, PB, so thanks.

Brava!!! Bravoo! Bravay!! Thank God for those “just in case” instincts we have, for they can make a huge difference between, “Well, I’m dressed pretty okay for this occasion, I suppose,” and “I FEEL SO RIGHT AND GOOD AND POLISHED IN THIS OUTFIT THAT I AM GOING TO GIVE THE GOSPEL READING WITH EXTRA JOY AND CONFIDENCE!” An actual “outfit with accessories” is exactly what we should all be wearing whenever we participate in worship, and yours sound just perfecto.

Let’s take a look at some of the elements:

Absolutely fantastic, classic, appropriate. White cardigan and RED BANDOLINO PUMPS FTW!

Beautiful, elegant necklace (yours had two tiers, this one has five):

And just enough make-up and hair-do to feel put together and to communicate a sense of occasion.

Well done, my dear! And thanks for writing. You have reminded me that I have an LBS that’s too snug right now and that I want to fit into soon.

Kiss of peace, PB

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Black/Brown Conundrum: Shakin’ Up Your Accessories

Sarah writes,

My Next Big Fashion Search & Purchase (one day, when I have the time and money) would be a pair of low heel (less than an inch), round toe, riding boots. To be worn with jeans or cute dresses/skirts, a work horse of a boot (comfortable, eight-hour boots). They’re pretty popular right now, and I love them in a beautiful brown-camel-cognac color that reminds me of cowboy boots and soft leather.

However, typically, I’m a black kind of girl (i.e., black vs. brown). If someone asks me to pick a neutral, it’s black– black purse, black coat, black shoes, black tights. I’m a winter/spring/summer– I look great in reds, blues, purples. Nothing with yellow in it, no green, no orange, no brown. So I don’t OWN a lot of brown. However, as much as I’d LOVE these low-heel riding boots in a camel-ey brown, I’m just not sure how I’d work it in with the rest of my wardrobe (especially with skirts/dresses/accessories). Any advice for incorporating a not-my-color item into a wardrobe?

Dear Sarah,
Camel-y brown boots are a neutral, darling, and they go with everything including black. They’re an instant classic and you can wear them with all colors and in all seasons (although you probably only want to wear them in cooler weather).
There is absolutely no need to be too matchy-matchy with accessories — try branching out a bit and getting some non-black neutral colors you like into your daily wardrobe! Try a rich navy bag with your black suit, or taupe shoes and opaque stockings with a black dress. Get a bright pink beret and pink and gray gloves to wear with your black coat, or add a sparkly purple pin for a dash of color.

By all means, don’t wear colors you don’t like, but don’t be afraid of color.
Enjoy, darling! Let us know how you do! I bought a pair of mid-calf height light brown riding boots with a braid detail that are all worn out and stained by now and I ADORE them. I am so, so glad I bought them as they bring just the right amount of interest and character to otherwise hum-drum outfits. And they’re GREAT on those light snows that aren’t so deep that you need snow boots but are enough to make the sidewalks and driveway slippery.

That ain’t so much a brown boot as it is cow-colored. Heck, you could wear these with a pink sundress if you wanted to! Not that you’d want to, but you could certainly wear them a whole lot of your everyday clothes.

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“What Makes Something Frumpy?”

A great blog post by Corporette.

Thanks to Alert Reader Louise H. for the link!

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Inevitable Comparisons

It just occurred to me today that if your church building is new and gorgeous and contemporary and you look in any way frumpy, the contrast will be especially striking. As in, “Wow. This building is stunning! So clean, so open, so bright, so majestic! The parements! The stained glass! The…. totally frumpy minister with the nerdy glasses and the dandruff. Ouch.”

Similarly, if you preside at worship with a colleague who is also an age peer, and he looks terrific and vibrant and snappy and you look drab and like you simply rolled out of bed, brushed your flat, badly-cut hair, put on the ugliest shoes you could find and came to church, you’re going to invite inevitably unfavorable comparisons. As in, “Yowks. He obviously has a following here and is loving this ministry. The other one, though… clearly second-class citizen on the ministry staff.”

We should never, ever announce by drab appearance that we feel like a second-class citizen in any ministry. Or if you must, why not just wear a sign around your neck? “MY COLLEAGUE IS THE CHARISMATIC, WELL-GROOMED ONE THAT YOU’D PREFER TO LOOK AT AND LISTEN TO. PLEASE PAY NO ATTENTION TO ME. I DON’T REALLY BELONG UP HERE.”

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Inappropriately Dressed Director of Religious Education

Uh-oh. This ain’t good. PeaceBang recently received this cry for help via her FaceBook page:

How can a parishioner gently tell a new DRE that her clothing is inappropriate? Last Sunday at the Christmas pageant the minister wore a robe and lovely crimson stole; the choirs were all in robes; the Joseph, Mary, Shepherds and Angels looked fabulous; and the DRE had a pale [color deleted to protect the innocent] shirt tail hanging out under a shapeless [color deleted until writer enters Witness Protection Program] pull-over jacket thing over black pants. She was the *only* person not dressed for the occasion, and I suspect she may try to pull the same outfit off on Christmas Eve.

She’s [middle-aged and I have reason to believe that she] comes from the “clothes are so bourgeois” school of fashion rejection. I *like* her, but I wish she’d honor our traditions. How can I help her understand that she looks like she doesn’t care about the pageant?

KIDS, DID YOU HEAR THAT? That part about SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE DOESN’T CARE? That’s what PeaceBang has been yammering on about for lo these past years or so. Harken! Harken up!

Cringing with bummerdom, I responded by saying,

Ohhhh boy, that’s a tough one. But if you have the courage to tell her directly, I would. I would just pull her aside, gently and kindly say right to her face exactly what you said to me, pat her on the arm, and beat it the hell out of there. It’s not a discussion, it’s an important piece of information for her to have. “You look like you don’t care” should prompt her to get her act together. If she doesn’t, I would talk to the minister (assuming that the minister is the DRE’s supervisor). Tell the minister that the DRE needs guidance in dressing more appropriately for special occasions (which would include all Sundays in my not-so humble opinion).

There’s no easy way to say, “That skirt is really cute but it’s just too short for church” to an intern or “You have a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe” to a music director. But sometimes it has to be done. I take the cue from my parishioners who have collared me on my way into the sanctuary on Sunday mornings to whisper things like, “I knew you’d want to know that your skirt is stuck in the waist of your pantyhose” or “Come here, you have something stuck in your teeth, go check before you go out there.” It’s not personal, it doesn’t mean you’re not loved. It’s important information. Treat it lightly, say what you need to say, and remember that feedback given in a straightforward and respectful manner is never humiliating. A bit of humor couldn’t hurt, either, if you have a good enough rapport to fit it in gracefully.

Good luck, writer!

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