Beauty Tips for Ministers

She Wants to Go Devil Red Head!

Now WAIT a minute here! Wasn’t the Chocolate Fairy supposed to visit me today? Or at least the Pizza Fairy? Where are they already? I’m here at my desk with nothing but a green apple Jolly Rancher candy to nourish me as I sermonate. Whoa is me. Before I sneak downstairs for some lunch, I thought I’d post this conversation I had with another reader named Sarah way back in December. There was a time that I had five or six e-mails from readers who were ALL named Sarah and I thought for a moment that it was one extremely insecure minister! It’s all straightened out now, all the Sarahs, but their inquiries were interesting and I’m finally getting around to posting them.

Sarah wrote,

There’s something I have been contemplating for a long time. I absolutely love red hair. I would like to dye my hair red. My family has red hair genes but I wasn’t blessed with them. However, I do have fair skin and people have remarked that I would look good with red hair. In fact, some people sometimes describe me as having red/auburn hair.

In the meantime, I have started seminary and the candidacy process within my denomination. My faith tradition is not one that discourages make-up/adornment. As a seminarian and new religious leader, I am very aware of the amount of attention paid to what I do. If I dye my hair,will this be perceived negatively? Will this be perceived as a silly immature thing to do, especially since my hair isn’t yet graying/going white? I want to dye it with henna, and since my nature hair color is a light brown, I think it would be an auburn color and would match my skin tone. I want to be within that acceptable range of being fashionable yet not too racy and conservative yet not frumpy. What do you think about this?

PeaceBang respondeth:

Hi hon,

1. Do NOT dye with henna. It’s not good for your hair. Contrary to its image as the crunchy-natural way to color your hair, it is incredibly harsh and the color winds up garish. It is also impossible to correct it once the damage is done. You have to wait for that sucker to grow out. I started dying my hair red at the age of 17 and began with henna. Nice to meet you, Ronald McDonald! Big mistake and one I never repeated.

2. I would to to a professional the first time. Budget and go to someone good. Only that way can you guarantee good results (in that, if you hate it, they’ll fix it).

3. Red hair has a lot of baggage with it, seriously. That’s why it’s so important to get it right. God forbid you wind up with some mahogany or cherry-shaded nightmare. If you already have auburn highlights, a good colorist will be able to emphasize those and slowly work you into more vibrant shades if you want to do that.

4. Reds fade very easily. Start looking at L’Oreal products in the store to find a shade that you like and aspire to. Take these to a colorist and say “Listen, I don’t foresee being able to afford getting my hair professionally colored every time I need it. Can you get me as close to this color as possible so that I can eventually do touch-ups on my own?” In this economy, no stylist will be shocked to hear this. If you say it nicely and give them the impression that you’ll be a return client every 4-5 months, I imagine they’ll be happy to accommodate your wishes.

5. Consider this an opportunity to have a conversation with your mentors and ministerial formation committees. You’re in the formation process, and part of that formation is figuring out how to make changes you’d like to make to your appearance and feel confident that they’re the right ones for your professional context. I change my hair color frequently — not because I necessarily WANT to, but because the colorist doesn’t get it quite right or I don’t get it quite right, and sometimes I make disastrous changes. When my color looks garish, I make wry comments to a few people and let it go. On one hand, I want the congregation to know that I don’t think violet-red hair is appropriate for a minister. On the other hand, what am I going to do, stay home until it fades? You have to move on. Same thing with a bad clothing choice. Find a safety pin, wear a scarf strategically, make a funny comment, and move on.

6. I think effort counts for a lot. If we’re at a period in our lives where we can’t, for some reason, look as polished or together as we would like to (the reasons might be as varied as terrible haircut, suffering depression/divorce, pregnancy, weight gain, illness), showing up as together as we can manage to look counts for a lot. People understand that we are not celebrities with personal stylists and huge budgets. We are public leaders who are expected to have a deep interior life as well as a charismatic, relational aspect. We have a day that might include intense study, writing, counseling, volunteer development, staff supervision, public speaking, rites of passage or social witness. That’s a lot of transitioning between roles and skill sets, not to mention professional expectations. If it seems more energizing and exciting to you to have red hair to bring to everything you do, it’s important for you to know that. It sounds silly but who cares? I myself have light brown hair with some grey and wouldn’t feel right without auburn or red hair. It’s a relatively minor adjustment to make to my appearance and makes me feel good. I’m glad it’s not the medieval era where red hair was associated with witchcraft. And I’m glad I’m not in a conservative denomination that frowns on women adorning themselves with hair color and make-up.

Sarah responded that she would think on it some more. It’s March now, Sarah, what have you decided?

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Biker Bar Ministry, Or Beer Evangelism

What an interesting letter! L. writes,

Just found your website, and thank you! It’s wonderful!

I’m a new pastor, living in XX. (A new climate and culture for me- that’s relevant.) I’m having a blast shopping thrift and creating cute new outfits for myself- ask me sometime about how working with transgender women has given me permission to do this. But it is time for me to re-evaluate my make-up routine, both for professional reasons, and because my [new city's] dry heat in winter, gosh-awful humidity in the summer is doing awful things to my face.

But I have no earthly clue how to start with new make-up, esp on a budget! When I shop for myself at drugstores, I invariably come home with some color that doesn’t work *at all.* I’d love to get a make-over, but am scared of both the price and the scrutiny. Does one just walk up to a make-up counter at a department store and ask? Am I then obligated to buy their expensive stuff?

One other “help!” question I’ve yet to find on your site- I’m often invited, in my pastoral role, to go to drag bars, or places other than my seminary profs pictured me, to watch parishoners perform, or generally do what my church calls “beer evangelism.” I think this is wonderful! But haven’t a clue what to wear. I’m hyper-conscious that some folks may feel judged if I come across as too middle-class or uptight, but also don’t want to be believable as a pastor when introduced as such. I’ve considered dark jeans, black heeled boats, black leather blazer, and a cute v-neck underneath. Can you help?

Dear Newbie,
How lovely to hear from you, and thank you for loving BTFM! We love you right back!

Let me take your inquiries one at a time:

1. Moving to a new climate almost always creates problems with the hair and complexion. You may find it useful to stick with the most gentle products for awhile (Cetaphil cleanser, fragrance-free moisturizers and eye cream) to let your skin calm down. Stay hydrated. Do not panic and start slapping all kinds of chemical treatments on your face, which will only exacerbate problems: stick to a simple routine of cleansing, moisturizing and gently exfoliating. Use a good eye cream and sunscreen year-round. See the BTFM archives for TONS of product reviews of skin care products.

2. Don’t fear the make-over, but don’t go in for one unless you’re in an up and confident mood — confident enough to enjoy the suggestions you’re getting and to resist any hard sells. I know there’s a Sephora in your city; schedule a day and go get a make-over and play, play, play! Again, you’ll find tons of make-up tips and reviews in the archives here. It takes time to get to know what works for you, and there’s absolutely zero reason to buy expensive make-up when drugstore versions often do the job as well or better. I think that ALLURE magazine does a really good job teaching make-up tips to ordinary working women, while other fashion mags are much more fanciful with their looks. My list of the make-up basics would include a base for evening-out skin tone (I rarely use it on the entire face, just on ruddy areas), a loose powder and fluffy brush to clean up shinies, a neutral blush (look at Nars Orgasm for a universally flattering shade unless you have dark black skin), lipstick or gloss, eye shadow or liner, and mascara. As a 40-something gal, I am also very devoted to skin illuminating products, but I think you’re years away from needing those!
You can buy lipsticks and glosses from Wet ‘N’ Wild for under $3 each, which can start you off finding colors you like without making a huge investment. Ask friends if you can try their make-up on. Learn which brands highly pigment their products and which don’t (I, for instance, have often been furious to see that a lipstick that looked so pretty in its packaging wore as almost totally sheer on the lips). EXperiment, darling! Make-up knowledge takes time to develop. I’m a true cosmetics hound and even I make bummer purchases now and then, even with extensive knowledge of hundreds of brands and formulas.

3. I think you included a typo when you wrote of not wanting to be believable as a pastor when introduced as such. I think you meant that you DO want to be believable as a pastor. And my dear, nothing can do that you but your own belief that you are a real, live pastor. Clap your hands if you believe in pastors!! You’re not Tinkerbell, lambkins. You’re a minister. Wear what you like, and don’t try too hard or worry too much about how others see you. For instance, I think that a black leather jacket is a bit of overkill with the outfit you describe (unless you already have a leather jacket you love) and if I was a biker I might grin and think you were trying pretty hard to make me like you. If you’re middle-class, be middle class. If you don’t want to seem uptight and judgmental, let your demeanor take care of that, not your clothes. There’s a big difference between being thoughtful, respectful and appropriate with your clothing and taking them on as a kind of costume that “allows” you to be present to a community of folks, wherever they happen to be.

Your calling (ie, your vocation) is your calling card, not your clothes. And yes, I think jeans and a cute V-neck and blazer or jacket with boots sounds terrific. Add a genuine smile, a listening ear and eye contact to that combo and I’m sure you’ll be welcome wherever you go. Blessings, dear.

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Jeans With Clergy Shirts

I think she may be right, kitty cats:

Dear PeaceBang, I found your blog via Courtney Wilder’s piece in Sightings, and find your musings absolutely delightful! As a young Episcopal priest, I have been complaining for some time about clergy women’s frumpy clothing. Frumpy does not equal professional, nor does it in any way help our cause as women clergy. I do love your blog, and also must comment on one subject on which we may not agree. It seems to me that jeans may not go well with a clergy shirt, regardless of how nice those jeans may be. Far too often I see women clergy wearing “mom” style (high waisted, tapered leg) acid wash jeans (as though those aren’t bad enough on their own) with those horribly baggy black ALMY clergy shirts tucked in. But perhaps even nice jeans are a no-no? At any rate, thanks for your blog, and your wider ministry, too.

The last time I saw a young, hip minister chick in jeans and a clergy shirt, I thought the jeans were too snug by far. It isn’t that she didn’t look great, it’s that she looked somehow defiantly sexy and cool, which I thought created an unsettling and untrustworthy persona. There are so many other options. Why not choose a wise one? Sorry if I sound prim, pigeons, but I should not have aggressive visual access to your pelvis and thighs. It makes me wonder what needs you’re trying to get met with such an outfit. “I NEED TO STILL BE HOT,” is what I read, and that’s not a mature message.

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Muggy Muggsville

Good sabbath to you, powder pigeons!!
PeaceBang is on vaction in sunny, beautiful, HUMID Florida and living in real time the regional differences in climate and style we discuss so often on this blog. One of our dear readers from the South has sent a bunch of photos of herself dressed for various aspects of her ministerial day, and we’ll post those soon and discuss.

For now, however, I just want to ask why my sunburned arm ACHES so much? I burned only one arm yesterday, because I’m talented that way, and I don’t understand why the skin should feel mildly warm but the muscle itself seem to be bellowing in pain. Dehydration? Damaged nerve endings? Please explain, since Google yields no results.

I am wearing a $10 Old Navy sundress and cotton cardigan to church. The same thing I wore to drive here, the same thing I wore to dinner last night. With Continental Airlines charging $25 per bag, Yours Truly was not ABOUT to pack her vestments and wedding outfit in a separate suitcase so she could have cute clothes to wear on her free days.

Someone wrote recently and said that last year, her Lenten discipline was to clean out her closet. She gave away a huge amount of clothing. I wonder if packing one suitcase — say the one suitcase you might, if you were lucky, be able to pack before clearing out before a natural disaster or a military coup or an invasion — and living out of its contents for forty days would be a powerful Lenten discipline that might give us a sense of enhanced compassion for the refugee, the outcast, the stranger.

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We’re Working On It, Bishop Forsyth!

Thanks to alert reader Leanne for linking me to this article by Bishop Robert Forsyth of Sydney, Australia.

Giving Clergy a Dressing Down

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And On My Birthday, Too!

How lovely to learn of this article by obviously brilliant Religion and Philosophy professor Courtney Wilder. Thank you for your insightful analysis, Dr. Wilder. I’m now heading to the hallway to dance a few bars of “Too Legit To Quit.”

(guitar riff) BOW dow dow dow
Can’t touch that!

The Sacred and the Sartorial

– Courtney Wilder

At first blush, the blog Beauty Tips for Ministers does not seem like a hotbed of feminist theology of the body. Written primarily, though not exclusively, for women, the blog includes posts on a wide range of topics related to clergy and their professional dress, including how to discern between attractive, trendy shoes and those that are too sexy for ministry, the difficulties of achieving professional-looking hair, what constitutes good makeup, and how clergy should dress for weddings. The advice is practical, the commentary is very funny, and the images are consistently good.

As one reads more posts, and reads them more deeply, a distinctive pastoral theology begins to emerge, a theology that embraces the physical presence of women in ministry. The author, whose nomme de blog is PeaceBang, is otherwise known as Reverend Victoria Weinstein, the Harvard-educated pastor of First Parish Unitarian Church in Norwell, Mass. She addresses her readers with a range of endearments, including “darlings,” “my revered pigeons,” “kittens,” and “my pets.” Blog posts include examples of especially good fashion choices on the part of clergy, images of garments which would be appropriate in clergy wardrobes, critiques of dowdy or inappropriate ministerial outfits, and answers to readers’ questions.

What keeps the blog from being either frivolous or harsh is Weinstein’s consistent recognition that female clergy occupy a professional and theological space that requires them to respond to a long and often critical tradition. In a post titled “Too ‘Hot’ For Ministry?” Weinstein offers advice for young, female members of the clergy who have been instructed to tone down their attire because someone, perhaps the senior pastor, considers them too attractive. She writes, “Document EVERY word you can remember from that first meeting and before you do a thing about shopping, call in another pair of eyes to assess your wardrobe and appearance. It may, in fact be that you DO need some sprucing up. It may also be that your supervisor is trying to shame you for being a hottie. Don’t fly off the handle; walk carefully and govern your angry thoughts. We serve a monumentally sex-phobic institution, my darlings — this should neither surprise nor enrage you. Be ye wise as a serpent and…you know the rest.” In the remainder of the post, Weinstein offers practical advice on how to navigate this especially thorny situation.

The purpose of the blog becomes clear when Weinstein reflects on the connection between professional appearance and what it means for congregants to have their pastor present in the room. She writes, “I guess what I am trying to say is that in some way, our ministerial bodies are not just personal but are also communal. This may be neither rational nor fair, chickens, but that’s just how it is. When one of our beloveds is dying, it’s not just anybody who shows up who can represent the church. It’s when your particular body shows up that the Church is there at bedside. You know it, I know it and God knows it. When you become a ‘Rev.,’ your body isn’t just your body anymore. Maybe not fair or rational, but I think that’s how it works.” Beauty Tips for Ministers is not only about how the pastor ought to look, but about why it matters.

Thus what separates Weinstein’s approach from secular guides to professional dress are first, her ability to exercise pastoral care in guiding her readers, and second, her clear conviction that having (and dressing) a female body does not interfere with a pastor’s vocation. Indeed, Weinstein argues that for female clergy dressing one’s body ought to reflect both affirmation of one’s gender and acknowledgement of the leadership role of clergy within the community. She identifies the tendency of some female clergy to efface their gender and/or sexuality in their professional attire and argues that this approach does no one any favors; instead, she advocates for a model of religious womanhood that is frankly feminine, and simultaneously highly professional and even sartorially conservative. In so doing, Weinstein presents a deeply feminist view of religious vocation: She holds that not only are women suitable to be clergy, but that women can most powerfully embody their vocational calling when also attending to the care of their own bodies.

Visit Beauty Tips for Ministers at www.beautytipsforministers.com.

Courtney Wilder, Ph.D., teaches in the Religion and Philosophy Department of Midland Lutheran College, an ELCA institution in Fremont, Nebraska. She is a past Junior Fellow at the Martin Marty Center.

From Martin Marty’s Sightings blog, University of Chicago.

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