It has been a sad, crummy week. You know that.
Today I had a wonderful clergy gathering that turned out to be small enough that we could get into a really deep check-in (curses on those colleagues who urged us to hold our regular meeting even though it’s four days before Christmas — and then Didn’t Come. I find that to be so rude. I also think it’s incredibly rude not to RSVP for a gathering when you know that your hostess is making lunch and that the program person is planning to do something that might be different if fifteen people are showing up versus five. Why do clergy people do this to each other? Don’t we find it frustrating when lay people do the same? And how about this one: colleagues who come to a group and then have the temerity to complain about the program without volunteering to DO a program. PET PEEVE! If I think a clergy group has a low quality or unworthwhile program, I send my regrets. You don’t COME every time and GRIPE. This rant is now over. For now).
Anyway, it was great to be together. It always is with these colleagues. They’re very smart and good and funny. We did a big check-in and then we had Communion and then lunch. We’re good friends in addition to being colleagues so there’s none of that posturing and B.S.ing that goes on in so many clergy groups, where you put on a shiny face of perfection and brag under the guise of checking in, or you share something excruciatingly painful and then later feel total remorse that you did so, because you now you’re going to be seen as this fragile minister. I am of the opinion that the best way to get into a fantastic clergy support group is to make actual friends with colleagues. The formal clergy groups we are obligated to attend for reasons of denominational affiliation or geography/region can be nice, and sometimes even excellent. But for my needs, actual deep friendships with clergy colleagues have been essential to my well-being and love for the work.
This clergy group today involved really awesome Christmas cookies, too — little bite-sized sugar cookies that were just so buttery and had crunchy sugar sprinkles on top, I can’t even tell you. I think I had about ten.
So on the way home I stopped off at The Holy Land (Sephora, which, when you see that word, you should imagine a celestial choir singing “Ahh-AHH-AHHH!”). I had to pick up facial cleanser and also tinted moisturizer which I totally FORGOT TO GET, and to return some gel eyeliner by Stila that just dried out way too fast, and I can’t accept that. It used to be my favorite product but something has happened to their formula because it dries out in like, a week.
I got what I needed and then the cute sales clerk showed me this SPARKLY eyeliner by Stila. And I was like, “Oh no, I can’t wear that. I’m 47. I am a mature lady with lots of wrinkles and a serious job.” And she was like, “You could totally rock this!” And I was like, “Well, I’ll tell you what. I am madly in love with that color right there, and it makes me really happy to look at it. If this looks as bad as I think it’s gonna look on me, I’ll use it to draw flowers on kid’s faces.”
And then this huge accident happened on the way home just ahead of me on the highway and I was sitting there in traffic feeling so bad for the person who smashed their car to smithereens and got God -knows what injuries days before Christmas, and listening to the “Glee” cast sing “All I Want For Christmas Is You” and at a total stand-still in my car. So I took out my blue sparkly eyeliner and put it on right there on Route 93 North and lo and behold, it was very pretty. And it made me happy.
I don’t recommend buying eyeliner for happiness. You’re supposed to do works of self-sacrificing love for happiness, and to pray. But if you’re a shallow, materialistic, vain sinner like me you might want to have sparkly turquoise blue eyeliner on sometimes. Especially after a very sad week. It’s $22 and you can get it here.
It’s a great color and you totally rock it. And I totally need a clergy group.
I completely agree about the clergy groups that center on deep friendships. So important! Sparkly eyeliner — also important. And fun. We all need a little sparkly fun right about now.
It’s gorgeous! I’m so glad you bought it.
Well now, I’m feeling just a bit bad about not going to my clergy group this morning, 4 days before Christmas Eve, but a winter storm was a coming, it’s a 30 minute drive there, and I still hadn’t started working on my Christmas Eve or Day sermons. It’s our regular day of the month, but still, I did whine to myself about the timing.
But then I suggested that we consider gathering for an Advent service, and then a Lent service at the beginning of each season so that we can worship together and center ourselves for the work that lies ahead. And I would be willing to organize it.
Blessings.
First – you totally crack me up. Second – can you please tell me more about clergy groups? What they do, their purpose, how you form one, ideal size, etc. I don’t believe we have a rabbinic equivalent but I sense we should. Third – Many good wishes for personal and pastoral meaning and success this Christmas.
I just love your shallow, materialistic, vain sinner-self.
I’m cleaning the basement today, among other glamorous, soul-repairing day-off tasks. But I totally just went and put on the sparkliest eyeliner I have. You’re right. Sometimes it is essential.
So pretty! And I feel happy too just seeing your photos. 🙂 I might need one in the purply blue.
I’ve always been able to find a good clergy group, and usually it’s a lot of friendship building, with a side of practical work. (I.e., currently, we meet for breakfast to talk and hang out and plan joint services for the high holy days.
Clergy groups ARE awesome. Make your own if you don’t have one to join! Sometimes Fresh Start or interfaith groups give us a great group, but if that is not your cup of tea, try inviting out for coffee a clergy colleague who seems cool to you. Start there.
My pet peeve are the clergy who live in a nearby city who are ALWAYS too busy to come out of their city for the groups (but can only find time to join us for a half day when it’s in their neighborhood). Considering that in one group, attendees from the small town travel as much as four hours one way, I find it discourteous to hear “Oh, I’m so busy”. We are all busy, and the small-town one-priest-parish guy who is his own graphic designer for the bulletin is really busier than the two-priest-parish-assistant-rector. If he can make time to drive four hours, I believe the city people can make time to drive 30 minutes.
For a colleague to continually say “Oh, I’m too busy” for a meeting that we set up in advance, I see that as deciding that you are prioritizing other things over your colleagues. It drives me UP THE WALL. I really do find it rude.
I understand that sometimes we all get busy- I have had those times when I’ve skipped because a funeral came up, or because it snowed and I can’t get out of my hilly house until the plow comes by. But colleague groups need to be a priority for us. It is good for us to get out of our own parish and our own brains.
[Betsy, I agree that clergy groups are absolutely important. But I think that they can’t be a stressful obligation. I will write more about this, but I think clergy who say “I’m too busy” might really be saying, “This doesn’t meet my needs and adds nothing of value to my ministry.” It’s hard to hear, but that has been the case for me and I think it’s time to be honest about it. If it feels like a huge draining bummer to gather with a certain geographic cluster, I believe people should find a collegial group that inspires, challenges and helps them. I believe in NO GUILT Clergy Groups. Some of them have been dreadful downers full of unhappy, unkind or inauthentic people. I don’t want to spend time around that. – PB]
Clergy no show or don’t RSVP because they are trying to “out busy” their colleagues–as if to say “i know we are all busy but I’m SO busy I might not even have time to RSVP.” Or at least that’s my opinion. I am a part of a lovely clergy group–but it’s a national one and would love to find one here in town.
And the liner is lovely!