Pale Legs, Proportion and More on Mumsy Mary Janes

Marlene asked this good question in the comments recently and I didn’t want you to miss it.

What is the right color of shoes to wear with pale legs? I always have trouble shopping for a pair of sandals, I feel like black and brown just scream look at my feet! I would have thought this color would work, I try to go as neutral as possible.

Well, that really depends on your legs. I think you just have to keep trying and find what works for you. Young, fit women with pale white skin can look cute with dark colored shoes, but I think the older we are the less it works. This goes for men as well — dudes, please know that if you’re going to wear shorts (which PeaceBang thinks you should NEVER, EVER do in ministry unless you’re working in Bermuda or Hawaii), your footwear should not be big and clunky and black or dark brown. Gads, you know that, right?
A brown huarache or something is fine, but nothing heavy.

If I am dressing up for a ministerial event, I tend to wear a heel with a longer skirt. I save cocktail dresses for social events in my private life, at which I may wear black platforms with my very pale legs, but it’s all about proportion. I have very slim lower legs with good muscle tone (the only part of my body that I can say this about) and if I’m not careful I can truly look like a meatball on two sticks. Hence, I never wear a dainty shoe. NEVER. It throws off my proportions terribly, and I am of the opinion that no heavy-set woman looks good in a ballet flat. It must have some sort of wedge or component to give it heft, otherwise it further stumpfies the figure. Lithe, tall women or petite women look beautiful in flats. Big gals should eschew the totally flat flat.

I think the worst frump offender for pale white legs is the Mary Jane and knee-length skirt combo. I do wear this combo myself but it is ETERNALLY frumpy (on older women!! Not necessarily on younger) and should never be brought into the halls of authority or anywhere outside your office or on pastoral visits. Don’t argue with PeaceBang, she knows whereof she speaks and has seen too many permutations of this outfit to give you personal dispensation.
The same thing goes for chunky Mary Janes, middle aged women, and pants-with-blazers combos. This is usually a quick ride to Frumpsville and I see it all the time. It’s a nice, unthreatening look for someone who should look unthreatening (like a hospital chaplain), but please do not appear before the state senate to advocate for affordable housing in such a mumsy get-up. It just screams, “Oh look, Good Reverend Wouldn’t Harm A Fly made a special trip into the big city to speak on behalf of the poor, isn’t she an old dear?” You don’t want to ever give anyone in leadership the chance to dismiss you like this, but chunky Mary Janes always look like you’re one step away from putting on an apron and baking muffins. That’s what they project, that’s all they’re ever going to project, and let’s all be honest about that.

If you wouldn’t see a state senator in a flared knee-length dress and Mary Janes, you shouldn’t be wearing them yourself when working for social justice. Save them for the Easter Breakfast or the Bible study or another time when it’s fine to look cheerful and cute.

As for pale legs, or ashy, dried out legs if you’re a woman of color, shave and moisturize them well before you put them out into the light of day. And don’t let PeaceBang catch you with your toes hanging off the edge of those wedge sandals you found on sale at Famous Footwear. Girl, ALL your foot needs to be in the shoe!

These would all be good shoes for a pale, white lady. Notice that the black patent pump is a peep toe, which gives it a lighter feel and would therefore be a fine match for pale white gams, or for any brown or black skin tones, for that matter. It’s just a beautiful pump.

Now THIS is just too screaming red for a white woman to wear without causing the eye to go RIGHT to her feet and stay there, but would look gorgeous on darker skinned preacher ladies.