Beauty Tips for Ministers

No, This Isn’t Progress

December 3, 2009 on 6:55 am | In Beauty Tips' Greatest Hits, Clergy Image, Fighting Frump, Theological Reflection On Your Fabulousness | 11 Comments

Dear PeaceBang,
I recently attended a workshop where I was the lone Congregationalist minister among a group of amazing Episcopal women priests and rectors. Dress was casual, so I wore slacks, a twin set, a cute scarf, flats, and modest jewelry. What struck me was how all these (middle aged) women of accomplishment, personal beauty, etc., wives and mothers all, at this meeting dressed in ways that utterly negated their femininity: very short cropped off hair, very baggy sweaters/shirts/pants, sensible shoes, and most of them badly needed a bra intervention. It was as if they were trying to look like honorary men to be in their field. It bothered me enormously. Surely, this is not progress! I’d be interested in your comments on this phenomenon.

Dear Amazed,
This is the phenomenon to which PeaceBang, in her own irreverent manner, is constantly calling our attention.
I don’t think this is so much about trying to be “honorary men,” but about these worthy women being afraid to be polished and put-together, not knowing how to be, or having internalized the pernicious and naive message that “those things” don’t matter.

As PeaceBang is always, always affirming, those things DO matter. They matter tremendously. Drab, aggressively sexless, sartorially clueless people in any profession make a statement by their very presence, and that statement is not a good one. Some of the non-verbal statements such appearance makes are:

1. I do not want anyone to look at me.
2. I don’t deserve attention; being noticed is something I am not prepared to accept and a responsibility I do not want.
3. I am harmless; in fact, I am passive. The world is happening around me and I hope to be invisible in it.
4. I don’t care. I occupy an alternative universe where appearance doesn’t matter — and if you notice that I am frumpy, it must be because you are not as holy as I am.
5. (similar) You should be enlightened enough not to be distracted by my terrible clothing and ill-fitting undergarments: what’s the matter with you? This isn’t my problem, but yours.
6. Please do not mistake me for a leader. Isn’t it obvious from my demeanor and my attire that I have no desire to represent any ideal higher than that of personal comfort? If there were camera crews outside covering today’s event, my on-camera appearance would immediately communicate to the public that nothing of real importance happens in here.

I have been writing this column for several years now, and it makes me sad to hear these reports. It makes me sad that so many clergywoman still write me letters accusing me of being materialistic and sexist and judgmental when really, I’m just reporting how public image works and is interpreted in the dominant culture. If religious leaders want to have a positive influence in the world, it really helps if we understand — and accept — how the world works. As always, it depends where your ministry is. I am writing mostly for parish ministers located in secular communities where the Church is seen as a quaint, easy-to-ignore institution that dabbles in good works and engages in arcane rituals of no interest to sophisticated, intelligent people. Being insistently invisible and schlubby in our appearance is just another way to validate that image.

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1. Clerics used to wearing elaborate uniforms unclear how to make reasonable civilian apparal picks?

   I’ve seen it happen with retired military. Same with Anglican clerics? Women or men?

   [Mmm, I dunno. But that's generous of you to chalk it up to that. - PB]

   Comment by Bill Baar — December 3, 2009 #

2. The thing I think is interesting is the rather vitriolic reaction to not dressing frumpy. One would think that the CPE’d, therapy’d spiritually directed, highly educated clergy would a) be more self aware and less defensive and b) would see the merit of marketing through self presentation even if they didn’t enjoy the process.

   I do see it as a self care thing, but I’ve always been a bit out of step with my clergy peers in several ways.

   Comment by madgebaby — December 3, 2009 #

3. [...] has a particularly eloquent post about the importance of image today on Beauty Tips for Ministers. She’s writing about female [...]

   Pingback by Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners | Why I write about style — December 3, 2009 #

4. The first thing that occurred to me, at least with respect to most of the description, was that this sounds like a group of women who are delighted to be at a meeting (I am imagining very informal and relatively private)–beyond the usual constant scrutiny of parish life–and to wear the clothes they find most comfortable. One can debate forever about whether they might be just as comfortable in clothes that fit better or looked a bit nicer, but I don’t immediately assume that their choice of outfits at this event inherently means they don’t have a more professional appearance in the office, have a poor body image or low self esteem, or don’t want anyone to notice them.
   [I thought of that too, but considering that one has the same hair and undergarments on a more "dress up" day as at a meeting, I assume that this is about general grooming and image more than just dressing casually for a meeting. - PB]

   Comment by Betsy — December 3, 2009 #

5. Just for the record, Episcopal priests do not have a corner on this market…but I’m sure you knew that…I’m an Episcopal priest who very likely errs in the other direction. (I dunno–is a shoe closet of 50+ pairs of fierce shoes excessive?)

   A theologian who has influenced me enormously once said something like “Materialism is NOT the problem. What we need is a MATURE materialism.”

   Amen, and amen.

   Comment by Dawn+ — December 3, 2009 #

6. I work in the same building that houses the offices of a major Protestant liberal denomination and I see lots of clergywomen all the time around the building. This post is right on the money. I have always wondered why so many of them have the same frumpy look.

   Comment by Jennifer — December 4, 2009 #

7. I would add a couple more from my own experience:

   7) I have never thought about how my appearance would convey anything to anyone.

   I thought I looked good.

   Seriously, all of this thinking about what to wear is completely new to me. And I’m glad to be thinking about it, but just know that there are people who don’t have any message whatsoever in our frumpiness. We really don’t know.

   Comment by Laura — December 4, 2009 #

8. I hate when 8 ) becomes .

   Comment by Laura — December 4, 2009 #

9. I don’t think frumpy dressing is confined to the clergy. It seems to me many women my age ( late 40’s) are okay with baggy clothes, “comfortable” shoes, and no style hair style. I feel better when I am wearing heels and clothes that flatter my body.

   Comment by Elizabeth — December 4, 2009 #

10. Another group who can’t dress – and admittedly, they are working very hard and are woefully underpaid – nursing school instructors! yikes.

    Peacebang, you started my thinking more about what I convey with my appearance. Do I look competent? Capable? Approachable? I am going into psychiatric nursing, so I won’t get to hide behind scrubs. Thank you so much for your insight and advice over the years!

    Have a great holiday and kiss that beagle! XXXXX

    Comment by biscuitx — December 5, 2009 #

11. [...] 4, 2010 But I’m going to try and look the part more often. (Some well-chosen Christmas gift certificates will help with that) Drab, aggressively [...]

    Pingback by This is Not a Resolution « Ad Imaginem Dei — January 4, 2010 #

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