Oh, sure Eileen Fisher, just go ahead with your ridiculously expensive cotton clothes and your hideous cut-off-at-the-calf breezy summer pants that so many of my colleagues will be wearing this summer and undercutting their own DIGNITY as they worship the false idols of COMFORT, Eileen, they do and you KNOW that. So you DESIGN these pants on PURPOSE and MARKET them to women who convince themselves that just because they can pull on these pants that they actually FIT which they Do NOT, Eileen, these pants do not FIT ANYONE and the reason for that is that you never DESIGN ANYTHING THAT HAS AN ACTUAL FIT. It all just sort of FLOWS and HANGS there off the body, which I guess if one is tall and elegant and has amazing muscle tone and posture and fantastically elegant hair and make-up and accessories and a fresh mani/pedi, well, OKAY, that MIGHT look halfway decent. Sure. But SHOW me a typical working woman in my profession who has that kind of perfect body and bearing and sense of style to carry off these pants without veering right off the road into the Frumpy Ditch and I’ll give you a hundred bucks, Eileen Fisher, and that right there is a BET. That right there is a THROW DOWN. You find a minister who you personally, with all your designerly expertise, think looks respectable in these here chopped-off-at-the-calf PANTS and I will personally hand you 100 crisp dollar bills from my own hand. Did you hear me, Eileen Fisher, famous designer of overpriced unstructured garb? ONE HUNDRED CRISP DOLLAR BILLS, my friend! Because IT. CAN’T. BE. DONE.
No one should wear these pants in any working capacity. Ever.
And don’t go whining about the heat because all it costs you to maintain your professional integrity is a FEW MORE LOUSY INCHES OF COTTON, for the love of all that is holy, and you’re not going to PERISH in the BRUTAL CONDITIONS of your average day in ministry. And think of how grateful you’ll be with your CALVES properly covered when you start tripping over anacondas and scorpions and other dangerous and poisonous wildlife that you’re bound to come into contact with in the course of your WORK IN THE SAVAGE HEAT OF THE TROPICS, which is where everyone apparently lives now since they can’t manage to TOLERATE THE OPPRESSIVE SENSATION OF CLOTH ON THEIR ENTIRE LEG.
JUST WEAR PANTS! OR SKIRTS AND DRESSES! SO MANY CHOICES!
WHY, GODS, WHY DO YOU MOCK ME?
*Goes to lie down with a cool cloth over her eyes*
Yes. I always think Eileen Fisher clothes look so great, until I try them on.
Wait, those aren’t pajama bottoms? [In a perfect world, yes. – PB]
UFF DA WITH THE CROP PANTS! HHHHHHHHATE! Also? Know what we used to call “ankle pants”? FLOODS. My theory is this: Clothing companies want to make more money (and who doesn’t), so they make “crop” pants and “ankle” pants, charge the same as REAL pants, and save a little bit of material on each pair. It’s all a giant conspiracy, and our dignity takes the hit. (I have no evidence to support my theory, but I’m standing by it anyway.) MY pants touch my shoes, thankyouvermuch.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! (wipes eyes) Golly, those are hideous.
Can you throw in a rant about crocs too?
Amen! Amen! Preach, PB! The same goes for all the clothes sold by JJill. Waist bands, zippers, proper hemlines, and tailoring please.
Damn, those are ugly. I might wear them to wash the car or mow the lawn, but not to work.
Damn, girl, you can write!
Well these just look like my the pedal pushers my mom would wear when she had lost all her fashion sense. Really – I see the pictures of her as a young woman in the ’40s and she’s amazing and I have no idea what happened. But I digress. These pants, you can see the elastic waist band. Need. I. Say. More.
Ye gods and little fishes, those are a travesty.
Here, let me get you a nice iced tea while you recover.
And linen. Why is everything made out of linen?
The problem is even more striking when you consider that’s a professional photo, of a model (someone in her 20’s, with a genetically atypical build), taken in an air-conditioned studio, and lit and styled for a particular effect. So: That Is the Best that Anyone Will Look in Linen Crops. Ever. Every other mortal who has perspired, ridden a bicycle to work, sat at a computer or beside a hospital bed, driven a car, or engaged in any other activity will have picked up some wrinkles at the joints or a little more flappy action at those hems.
(Full disclosure: I do own two pairs of crops that are permanent-press cotton twill, and I had them hemmed so they hit my calf at a flattering place. After reading your blog I consider carefully where and when, and with what shoes I wear them – usually at an activity where there’s no air conditioning and everyone else is wearing shorts.)
Yup, those are fugly pants.
Can I add another one – I saw a woman at my work wearing a nice blouse and black tights at pants. Noooooo! Tights are not pants. Tights are not suitable workwear! Her blouse ended just below her waist so there was a lot more on show than I think should be on show in a working environment.
Oh my goodness…I have finished wiping my eyes from hysterical laughter. Do you need some aspirin PB? Holding you in chocolate as you contemplate the next hideousness that passes as fashion…what would be do without you? And seriously, tie waist? Why would anyone wear that for work? Anyone??
If you buy actual Eileen Fisher and your primary job is ministry, you are paying too much for clothes that look like burlap sacks and you have a spending problem….J Jill is the cheaper offender of a similar vein
I wouldn’t even dress in those to go down to my gym.. .
I agree totally about the cropped pants. My worst feature is my legs, and the crops do them no favor. However, I’ve found Eileen Fisher very helpful when it came to finding mother of the bride/groom dresses when I needed them. EF was the only brand that made something I would wear for the occasion–anything else was too young (bare) or too ol
I thought nothing could be worse, and then I came to work yesterday and discovered a male colleague wearing cropped pants. A horror. I had half a mind to hand him a fashion ticket for the infraction.
Oh dear, here I sit in J.Jill pants and knit top, which I wore all day for travel. At least they are full length pants and I was not working. I had some Eileen Fisher sweaters that wore well. But ridiculously expensive.