Dear and precious ones,
Take my hand, won’t you? Let us walk gently and kindly into the new year together — kindly but not in a way that ENABLES VERY BAD CHOICES LIKE PREACHING IN FOOTLESS TIGHTS.
I have spies everywhere, lovelies, and please understand that it is for the greater benefit of clergy image that one of you has been reported to PeaceBang for some sartorial tough love.
I do not know what state this outfit was reportedly seen in.
I do not know what conference or occasion.
I do not know the denomination of the preacher, although I know her to be from the Free Church tradition.
What was reported to me is that someone preached in a nautical striped shirt, a knee-length grey skirt, blue footless tights and black flats (not ballet flats, thank you, Uncle Jesus).
This sounds like a charming outfit if worn by a gaminesque creature such as Audrey Hepburn, who indeed was known for such ensembles.
For a clergyperson, this outfit has some fine components. A nautical shirt, for example, is a crisp and classic choice for a day at the office:
But oh no no no no NON we do not wear this to preach in. Why? WHY? Why this choice? I struggle to understand. What is one trying to communicate about oneself by preaching in a French fisherman’s Tshirt? Is it an oblique shout-out to the disciples? Too subtle. If so, then go all the way and drape yourself with fishing net. COMMIT TO THE REFERENCE.
A grey skirt, perfectly fine. Voila. Regardez.
Could be a perfectly fine garment to preach in. No problems there.
BUT. But. But, oh. With FOOTLESS TIGHTS and FLATS?
Hey, it’s okay to have an Audrey Hepburn fantasy. Many of my best friends growing up wanted to be Audrey riding behind Cary Grant on a Vespa through the streets of Rome. They eventually bought themselves berets and got on with life. Sure, on a nice spring day they might bring out the classic boatneck striped T and roll the cuffs of their chinos and wear ballet flats (gals) or loafers (guys) and dream of Cary, but they don’t preach that way.
Unless you are a working mime, it is never okay to preach in (visible) footless tights.
Now I have a terrible craving to ride a Vespa around Rome.