Of course I totally want one.
I do. Seriously, I do.
What a conversation starter, right?
Posts in category The Naughty Corner
Of course I totally want one.
We all know that how we dress for ministry is partially determined by our context, but I do push back at that concept on occasion when I hear it being used to justify dressing way down. “My people wear hoodies and shorts to worship, so I wear jeans because I want them to feel like I’m not trying to be BETTER THAN THEM.”
Huh? Since when does showing respect for the leading of corporate worship signal arrogance or competitiveness? It’s your job to represent the highest ideals of your religious community, not to attire yourself like a social pal who’s heading to a night of beers and a movie. Wut the wut? Take repsonsibility for your role, people!
Anyway, sometimes I see a garment or accessory that gives me private giggles when I think of the looks on people’s faces if I wore it to church. I was looking at this bag, because I have a funny penchant for Western-style wear, kind of unusual for a New England girl. But I do. So here’s this bag. It’s cute. I’m not going to get it or anything but I like it:
And then I saw this, and I bust out laughing:
Good God, that’s about the wrongest accessory I can imagine for my ministerial context. Anyone’s, actually. Unless you’re like the NRA chaplain or something.
So this is what’s happening with hair color now, all over the place. It is a HUGE trend.Click to enlarge the photos.
It’s a great thing to be able to adorn our heads with vibrant hues. The problem is, it is very hard to do neatly and beautifully and often winds up looking like a hot mess, as we see with the gal on the right. No shade meant here: she’s walking through Union Square Park and she’s not clergy. But that hair on a minister would be all kinds of wrong.
I’m seeing this hot mess on way too many clergy heads, and it needs to be addressed.
Radical hair color is a commitment. If you cannot commit to the whole look — which means getting the color done and kept up professionally by excellent colorists — do not try to express your individuality in this way. Please. Add colored pieces or fake swatches. Do something else to add the color you crave to your head. But understand that vibrant hair color is more often a fast lane to looking sloppy, silly and juvenile (I’m too tactful to say “dumb,” but that’s what I want to say) than it is a statement about your uniqueness.
Hair color that vibrant means that you actually have to style your hair every day unless you’re a carefree hipster artist who lives in a loft and wears overalls and clogs to work. It also means that no matter how carefully you prepare your words, half the congregation at any event you attend is going to be thinking about your hair and what your deal is with your hair before they consider other content emanating from your boca.
Hair color like that is instant upstaging of your face.
It also highlights every blemish and flaw, and makes you complexion look like death if you don’t compensate with artfully applied make-up. I’m speaking truth to Manic Panic here, people — I am sick of seeing clergy who look like they haven’t washed their faces in days because their harsh hair color brings out every blackhead and bit of razor stubble.
Here’s what vibrant hair color looks like when done well. This enchanting lady allowed me to photograph her in detail so you can see the work required, and BRAVA to her for knowing exactly what is required to rock the tresses with style. It’s not that she’s girly, it’s that she’s groomed:
I wonder why clergy feel they can inflict their clown hair on their communities, really. That’s a serious question. Does it not occur to them that despite the compliments they receive, what many people mean by “Wow, your hair is awesome!” is “Wow, your crazy clown hair has imposed itself so adamantly on my consciousness that I feel compelled to express words about it!” What many other people are thinking is, “I’m sorry you feel such a desperate need for attention. I wonder what that says about your maturity level. Do you intend to officiate at funerals with that ridiculous hair? Is that fair to the bereaved, that for years to come all anyone will be able to talk about when they remember Uncle Steve’s funeral is that ridiculous person who showed up looking like Bozo?”
Coloring your hair in wildly vibrant hues says, “I feel no accountability to any other potential ministry setting than my own tiny community of ardently liberal individualists.”
If clergy want to go the Fabulously Colorful hair route, go well or don’t go at all.
Oh, I’m so glad I had a Fairly Visible Booger all morning.
On a scale of one to five, with five being Visible Booger, I think I was on a one or two. But still. This is not something one wants to discover in the bathroom after a full and exciting morning of ministry team work.
May your day be lovely and may your nostrils be clear. xoxo PB