Babies! Debi wrote up this wonderful column and sent it to me, and I am so very happy to share it with you. Kiss of peace, PB
Perhaps you heard the laughter coming from my kitchen table this morning as I read President Obama’s quip about Michelle Obama’s new bangs as “the more memorable event of the [inauguration] weekend.†It is so funny because it is so darn close to being true.
Can I tell you how many weekends when I get my hair cut and styled on a Friday and I preach on Saturday I get dozens on comments on my new do but just one or two on my sermon? A lot! While I appreciate the positive feedback on my coif, even my all time favorite, “Oh dear I love your new hair style, that last one was terrible!†wouldn’t it be nice if the message were more important than the medium?
For professional women, looking our best is part of the job description and rightly so. We, like all human beings, are created in the image of God and we treat ourselves accordingly. We honor the physical vessel of the soul by caring for it, nurturing it, and beautifying it. Maybe this is why it seems so important to my congregants that I wear lipstick.
My friend’s grandmother used to tell me that when you look your best, you feel your best. She explained that this was why she had a whole set of her makeup on hold at the local funeral home.
I didn’t used to wear lipstick regularly but several years ago that changed. Let me explain why. When people ask me what scientific or technological advance has made the biggest difference in my rabbinate there are a few things that come to mind. First might be the computer which has made writing sermons convenient and much neater. Second might be the internet which has made a plethora of Jewish information available at the click of a mouse. Third might be the cell phone which has made staying in touch with my congregants so much easier. But really the most honest answer is semi-permanent lipstick.
As a rabbi and mother, I am on the run between 12 and 14 hours a day. I have no time– nor do I have the desire– to do the necessary reapplication of lipstick which only looks good for about 30 minutes at a time. Over the years of my early rabbinate I had tried my best. I had three tubes of lipstick – one at home for morning applications of that “ready to do the work of the Lord†look; one at work for before meetings; and one in my purse for before hospital visits and shiva calls.
But inevitably the lipstick would wear off leaving me a paler, more tired looking, less put-together version, of my professional self. Until … I discovered long-lasting lipstick. It was like the Messiah had come in the aisles of the local drugstore. With the new semi-permanent color (Cover Girl Outlast Brazen Raisin) I could put it on in the morning before Lower School prayer services and it would still be on for the Board of Trustees meeting at night. [Deb, you’re singing my song, girl! – PB]
“Glamour†is a part of my rabbinate so it is fortunate that over the years I have grown comfortable with that reality. Lip shtick aside, it matters that the outside reflects the inside. In fact it is very much in keeping with the Biblical notion (Shakespearean too) that often the state of our souls is broadcast by our outward appearance. And for the occasions when that’s not the case, putting up a good front is always appreciated. Queen Esther spent 12 months at the spa in preparation for her most important professional task, surely I can find 10 minutes a day to reflect the divine image with a cosmetic brush and Beauty Balm. [THERE’s a Purim sermon for all of us!- PB]
So Michelle, I’m not sure about the bangs but I appreciate the effort, and the way they enhance the forceful message of change and new visions. – Rabbi Debi Weschler
Debi Wechsler is rabbi at Chizuk Amuno Congregation in Baltimore, Maryland. She is the first woman to serve as rabbi there. She is a member of Sephora’s Beauty Insider Club.
I love this! My own lipstick epiphany came one Sunday when I wore a red suit and clearly needed the color so I added lipstick. On the receiving line after worship I got comments from several parishioners that they had NO trouble hearing me for once. They could see my lips! So it truly is an essential ministry tool. Thanks for sharing!
What Mary said. It’s a trick I learned in my first year of seminary from a 4th year student. Women who preach wearing lipstick can be heard better. Here’s the thing: a lot of people who may be going through some hearing loss, and perhaps aren’t even aware of it, tend to lip-read without knowing it. If your lips are clearly visible to them, they can “hear” you better.
I always told this to our women Worship Associates — though come to think of it, I don’t recall actually seeing them wearing lipstick in the pulpit. But I always make sure I have it on to preach.
I think this doesn’t apply to men because their voices are in a lower timbre and are therefore somewhat easier to hear. Or something like that.
Lovely comments!. I completely agree about the lip color thing. Several years ago, I invested in having a very, very light natural color tattooed on my lips (by feather-stroke application, no lipliner look) as a way to restore some of the pigment that naturally fades over time. I also had my eyebrows done — again, not that awful old “stripe” application but tiny feathered hair-strokes that filled in some thin areas. BEST investment I ever made. It didn’t stick me with colors or shapes that look unnatural; it simply restored my natural color and shape. No one has ever suspected that I had it done but many people comment on my lips and brows. I usually wear sheer lip gloss just to protect my lips and to give them some shine, but I don’t need it. I highly recommend these procedures to anyone whose features may be fading a bit with time. Just be sure to find a really, really experienced practitioner and insist on seeing their work before you hire them.
Along those lines…I pinned my hair back today for worship today and, during passing of the peace, an older church member said (before “hello” or “peace”) that he “liked my hair better this week.” I said I liked his hair better this week, too, and thankfully it diffused what could have been an uncomfortable moment for me when he responded that there was less of it this week than last. Astounding what a little bobby pin will do to catch people’s attention. Now if only my sermon would have such an impact… {Hey, he came to church and noticed you. That’s a lot in this day and age, cookie. – PB]
I really understand the reasoning for lipstick (or lipstain), but I have never found any lipsticks that don’t dry my lips or make them feel like they are burning off. Is there anyone with this same issue that can recommend a brand that doesn’t hurt?
I absolutely love Clinique’s Almost Lipstick line. I use Black Honey for dressy occasions & preaching) and Tender Honey is my favorite FAVORITE neutral.
I’m a UCC minister working in spiritual direction and I am so happy when I read this blog. I also like to look nice, fashionable and appropriate when working. For years I’ve worn those long-lasting lip colors, and I really like the neutrals: CoverGirl’s Naturalast (#545) is a nude/pink/mauve that looks good on almost every skin tone; Revlon’s Faithful Fawn and Everlasting Rum are also nice nudish colors that last forever, even through meals. I prefer CoverGirl’s overcoat that feels like a lip balm to Revlon’s clear liquid gel, however living in Arizona I’ve melted more than my share of those CoverGirl clear overcoats so I keep a Revlon lipstick (it has color on one end and clear gel on the other) in the glove compartment of my car. Those overcoats help keep lips from getting too awfully dry. Still I prefer a dry tinted lip over a bare one anyday.
Keep up the great work. You’re helping ministers be more pleasing to the eye of all. Beauty, after all, is a gift from God and is to be appreciated, even enhanced as long as you don’t go the way of Tammy Faye Bakker!!