Beauty Tips for Ministers

“Sex And The City” Movie = Women Dressing Crazy!

I am not going to get all high-and-mighty here and pretend that I don’t absolutely LOVE “Sex and the City” and that it didn’t get me through several break-ups (along with enormous bowls of buttered popcorn liberally doused with chili powder), but I will freely admit that I was deeply offended by the first few episodes I saw and prepared to DENOUNCE IT FROM THE PULPIT. A funny thing happened on my way to researching that sermon further, though: I found myself crying over an episode and that was it — I was totally IN with Carrie and her posse. I never trusted Big. I wanted Carrie to stick with Aidan because he was so good for her and to her. In the end I wanted her to stay single, because she seemed at her best as a single gal. I rooted for Charlotte’s marriage to work and wasn’t surprised that Miranda cancelled her abortion appointment. I laughed myself silly over Samantha’s exploits (and deeply admired Kim Cattrall’s under-appreciated gift for physical comedy employed while maintaining a convincing femme fatale vibe– no small feat for an actress). I never went so far as to start drinking Cosmos and I LOATHED the final episode, but I’ll be on line with the rest of “SATC” America when the film comes out later this month. I know that even if the screenplay is a dog, the clothes will be outrageously fabulously. Or maybe just outrageous.

I see from this photo taken at the London premiere that SJP has already started with the seriously crazy:

As the granddaughter of a milliner I have to salute that hat. I really do. Sarah Jessica Parker is a fashion crazy woman and I love her for it. I love that when Maxim magazine churlishly named her the Unsexiest Woman Alive that she laughed it off and said that she wasn’t trying to be sexy. She’s crazy fun.

Kim Cattrall, on the other hand, doesn’t go far enough. If you’re going to wear the old Red Queen costume from my freshman year production of “Alice in Wonderland,” by all means carry a sceptre and wear a CROWN! If anyone can carry that off, Kim, YOU can!

Cynthia Nixon is a seasoned Broadway actress; she knows how to handle these things. But look at Kristen Davis’ strained smile. Poor thing. She’s just willing Kim Cattrall not to slap SJP silly for that chapeau, but I’m not sure it’s going to work. Cat fight! Cat fight!

[Thanks to GoFugYourself.com for the photo]

Dr. Bronner Knocks So-Called “Organic” Companies And Takes It To the LAW!

Go, Dr. Bronner, go!! Cleanliness is next to godliness! I learned that, and other meaningful Essene teachings, by reading the side of your soap bottles in college. Your peppermint soap got me through many a hangover and into the working day, bless your truly all-natural organic soul.

But seriously, it’s rather depressing, no? Is it too much to ask that when companies say there are no toxins in their products, they might be telling the truth?

Thanks to BoyInTheBands for sending me this news item. Let’s see how this develops.

Yes, People Notice Thy Socks

An interesting article on professional image and dressing from the Wall Street Journal.

Thanks to Miz Claire for the link.

I’d Ask What In Fresh Hell This Is, But I Think It’s Just… Fresh Hell

Princess Caroline of Monaco. Daughter, I believe, of Grace Kelly. The mind reels. What can we learn from this? First: tailored and elegant is always a much better bet than crazy and flouncy. Save the crazy and flouncy for senior prom. Second, this is also an issue of scale: if the body is swathed all in one dark color, and then one carries a tiny, bright bag, one looks absolutely enormous by comparison, as if one is carrying a Barbie accessory.

P.S. I swear I saw that exact bag at Filene’s Basement a few weeks ago.

I Love You, Maria Von Trapp!!

Oh, oh, oh!! Did you SEE Julie Andrews this morning on Regis and Kelly? I was picking up a decaf at Dunkin Donuts at the time so I didn’t get to watch her for more than a minute, but darlings, she is the EPITOME of elegance, warmth and PRESENCE.

She’s been wearing her hair the same way forever, but it’s such a timeless style, it just works. It’s soft, full, swept back from her smashingly gorgeous face, and colored a soft auburn. Her eyebrows are penciled in so you can see their expressive, elegant arch. The lips are colored a soft rose-mauve (no big gooey glosses for our Miss Andrews!), lots of mascara to frame the eyes, and best of all, she seems to have had no plastic surgery. The skin is sagging — let’s say softening — where it should be softening on a woman of her years, and her bearing is regal. She is getting, if anything, more beautiful with time.

Her voice is still the cultured voice you remember from your childhood “Mary Poppins” viewings, with that wonderful gravelly undertone and throaty laugh that reassures you that although she’s a piss-elegant Brit, she’s got a good cache of naughty jokes and drinking songs in her repertoire to go along with “Do-Re-Mi.”

She was wearing a dove gray suit accessorized with big square earrings to highlight her face, a thick, classic, flat gold chain around her neck and a soft, ivory chiffon scarf tucked into her suit to soften its tailored lines. SWWOOOOON!!

Her posture and open, attentive expression is a thing of glory and should be studied by us all, men and women. As a singer, Julie Andrews knows how to keep her “mask” open; the part of the face that would be covered if you wore an old-school masquerade ball mask. All ministers should know how to open their mask, as it energizes the expression and makes you look more alive, aware and present.

How to Open The “Mask” of the Face:

Sit in a chair, slightly slumped over. Let your face totally relax, and even settle into a bit of a frown.

Now, pretend that you are Julie Andrews about to teach the Von Trapp children the first notes of the solfege. Sit up straight, but not ram-rod straight. Remember, you’re Maria, not Captain Von Trapp. Taking both your hands, lift them in a gesture that an orchestra conductor might use to signal musicians to pick up their instruments. Let your face open as your hands open. Your skin will feel pulled back, your eyebrows and eyes wide open but not in an alarmed or forced manner.

Practice in front of a mirror until you look poised, present, fresh and attentive but not like a deer in headlights.

P.S. Singers, you already know how to open your mask, since you know we can produce no rich sound without doing so. Teach your friends.

All clergypersons, when presiding at worship, should have an open mask at all times except perhaps when praying. There can be no embodied, relational worship if the presider does not understand or know how to produce an open mask and supported breath required for all good public communication.

Good Lord, Whatever Happened To A Nice, Ladylike Frock!??

*sputter, sputter*

Are these dresses meant explicitly for the sex workers of America, or am I missing something????

For those of you with young daughters, PeaceBang extends her condolences. It must be a HELLA challenge keeping your mouth shut while they go about dressed in these outlandishly revealing items.

Just about knocked my bonnet right off my head when I saw those. Sakes alive.