Cookiepuss, whose screen name always makes me laugh (remember the commercials with Tom Carvel’s phlegmy voice? We used to imitate Cookiepuss’s maniacal, high-pitched squeal by talking in munchkin voices into a running fan), has this to ask,
I start student ministry this Sunday and am wondering if you could make some recommendations on what kinds of outfits would be appropriate. I am, in part, thinking about the reality that the minister (female) will be robed, and I will not. I am inclined to wear black, but don’t want to look like the student undertaker. I am a plus-sized gal. I worry about wearing a skirt or dress and having my pudgy knees on display all through the service as I will be sitting in a chair without the benefit of a desk with a vanity panel. Black shirt dress and black tights and black mary janes makes me worry about looking like Goth Geezer… I like color (but not busy patterns – just solid) – purple, teal, fuscia, orange, lime green – but how to wear them appropriately? I don’t want to look like the Harvest Festival display in the chancel…
Any suggestions???
Bounteous gratitude!
First of all, Cookie, did you check the archives under Seminarians? If not, do! I’m sure there are conversations in there that might be of interest to ya.
Second of all, darling, I think I can make this easy for you. Create a uniform.
1. mid-calf length skirt in a dark neutral;
2. Natural hose with a taupe pump or boots (if it gets cold where you are, swap for an opaque tight in the winter);
3. Sleeveless shell (nothing with straps) with good coverage in a nice fabric with a bit of spandex in it for shape;
4. Beautiful, perfectly ironed blouse in a lovely, rich color and fabric (silk, perhaps) worn open over the shell (inothing floppy or over-sized);
5. Signature silk scarf in not-busy design worn open around the neck to suggest a stole;
6. Classic earrings;
7. Hair and make-up beautifully done.
Voila!
If you start with this basic uniform, you can’t go wrong. Choose colors that both work well in your chancel and that flatter your coloring.
Do not feel that you have to be creative and different with your attire; you are a student intern and it’s far more important for you to look polished and appropriate.
Do not wear slacks.
Try to find skirts that have the coverage you need but that fit you. This can be a challenge for plus-sized gals, since many skirts designed for us veer into Gypsy Mother territory with terrible jaggedy hems and tons of fabric that drown us alive. AVOID! Your skirts should have a zipper and button closure or else look like they could. They should have a waistline so you can tuck the sleeveless shell in neatly.
You need not wear the scarf every Sunday — you may choose to wear a pretty, bold necklace instead or something different. I just wanted to give you a basic ensemble to start with.
A nice, fitted jacket is also good — just be sure to sit in it to assure that buttons aren’t gapping, etc.
DO take a moment to gracefully pull down the hem of your blazer and to smooth your skirt under your bottom as you settle yourself into your chair on the chancel. Sit up straight and do not cross your legs. Keep your hands in your lap and your neck up, and smile as you pay careful attention to what is being said and done during the service. So many ministers — student interns by no means the worst offenders! — seem for all the world as though they don’t have the time of day for church unless they’re the ones speaking in the pulpit. PeaceBang, who has no poker face at all sometimes, has a bad habit of over-reacting facially to other speakers (laughing too hard, smiling too broadly, nodding, weeping, etc.), which is also potentially distracting and egotistical (although it may seem supportive and engaged, it can also communicate, “This is all about ME!”). Become familiar with your own Gracious Face and use that sucker.
Good luck, Cookie! I hope this is a help!
Why no slacks PB? A couple pairs of good wool suit pants will carry a girl very, very far. I even have some that are fine enough that I wear them here in the hot and humid south quite comfortably. They never fail to look crisp and incredibly professional, they go with ANYTHING, they cannot lead you into Goth or Earth-Momma territory, and there is no fear of ever having a “not covered up” moment!
I prefer good suit pants myself, especially if someone is young and needs to convey a bit of authority.
-Jo
[No pants because they almost never look neat on a plus-sized gal, because they are not nearly as nice or appropriate for worship as a skirt, and because they do not convey authority to the elders of the church, but rather comfort. If this intern is going to be up in the chancel throughout the worship service, she needs to look dressier than a pair of slacks can ever make her. – PB]
I’d also comment that you’ll have to take a read of the congregation, too. Some are more formal than others. AND, ask if they’ll lend you a robe. The robe signifies academic authority rather than religious, and you are currently doing the scholarly bit, so it’s totally appropriate.
(I agree w/ the pants comment. You can dress up pants to be beautiful for worship.)
[You may *think* you can dress pants up for worship. But they never, ever have an elegant-enough line for sitting in a beautiful chancel. Why do you think men have worn skirts themselves to lead worship for centuries? They’re no dummies. – PB]
May I suggest qvc.com for plus sized skirts. They carry many basics, have easy returns, prices are reasonable, and their search is easy to navigate.
(no I don’t work for them)
Although not directly clothing or beauty related, I have to pass on this tip that my mother gave me many years ago regarding stage presence when you’re not the one speaking. She was a United Methodist minister’s only child, and thus was always on display at church, plus she usually had to listen to the same sermon two or three times each Sunday.
Her tip: Listen for the alphabet. Listen for a word with an “A” in it, then a word with a “B” in it, and so on. See how far through the alphabet you can get before the sermon’s over. It gives you this wonderful look of interest and focus.
Of course, if you’re a seminary student, paying closer attention is probably in order, but I can’t tell you how often I’ve used this trick to look engaged when I was bored to tears, or just too exhausted to focus on anything requiring thought. [That’s hilarious advice! However, I think that if one who aspires to lead or participate in worship can’t genuinely focus on the words themselves, they have a much more serious problem than what they’re wearing. In 12 years of parish ministry, I can’t imagine a time that I wasn’t listening closely to the words — not always approvingly! – but listening closely. For those of us who lead worship, there is also the issue that if we do not attend to what’s happening with all our minds and hearts, we risk losing our one corporate worship experience of the week to inattention or exhaustion. Self-care should emphasise enough rest so that no one participates in worship from an exhausted state. Of course it happens, but hopefully not often. And when it does, I imagine your mum’s advice would be helpful. – PB]
Update from Cookiepuss:
I have taken the plunge and ordered a robe. I figure student ministry is as good a time as any to take on (literally and figuratively) the ministerial identity and authority, and robing is a tangible, visible way of doing that. My home minister (and wonderful mentor) said she was robed all during her student ministry, and that she likes robing because it signifies that “we are doing something special here so we wear these special clothes.” I am embracing her approach whole-heartedly.
I also ordered some skirts from qvc as Linda suggested – they did have a good selection for plus-size, and I think they match the “pretty” and not the “hiddy” examples in PB’s later post. 🙂
Some of my seminary friends robe and others do not. I am 47 years old – old enough to claim my authority, no?
I am also looking forward to returning to my home congregation to lead a special worship service on our congregation’s foundation as a Unitarian church and leading worship robed. I think it will help them and me understand the transition “out of the pew” that I am undergoing.
Thanks to everyone for the advice!