Beauty Tips for Ministers

He’s UCC And Catholic: What To Preach In?

And so it was written unto moi,

I have a “beauty” (procedure is more like it) question for you. I am not ordained…obviously. I am currently in the process of entering Full Communion with the Roman Catholic Church (although I would prefer to think of it as the Universal Catholic Church…but I digress.) In any case, I am participating in a Festival of Young Preachers in January. In essence, I will be giving a sermon to a large crowd of people (some preaching professionals and some of my peers.) When I did pulpit supply for the UCC, I wore an alb (no stole) or a choir robe-type thing. I won’t be “officially” Catholic until Easter. The Festival organizers are encouraging us to wear whatever we would find ourselves wearing in our ministry. In my UCC ministry days, that was clear. Now that I’m becoming Catholic, it is not so clear. I won’t be ordained as a Catholic priest for some time (if that is the road that I end up going…) and there rules are a little more strict on who a priest is what he(and I’ll say it…she) can wear. So…what should I wear to the festival? I want to represent both side of my spirituality–the UCC and the RC aspects of my self.

Thanks and God is Love,

Young Preacher

Dear Young Preacher,
First of all, congratulations on your upcoming preaching gig! Did you know that the word “gig” comes from the old blues musicians, who were often broke (as musicians are these days as well) and would remark after getting a job, “Good is good!” This expression got abbreviated to “G.I.G.” and then became the word “gig.” I just heard this today and it might be a big old urban myth or plain lie or misinformation or whatever, but I LOVE it and so I’m passing it along without checking on its factualness. Anyone who wants to RUIN MY DAY by telling me that the word gig actually derives from the French word “gigue” or something, just go ahead. Be a smartypants.

ANYWAY, to your question, Young Preacherman. My first thought is that you’re thinking a bit too hard about this. You’re a Christian. You believe that God is love. You speak of the Church Universal. You are becoming a Catholic but won’t be one until Easter and won’t be a priest until long after that, if ever. The conference organizer encourages you to wear what you would wear in your ministry. Right now, what is your ministry? Because, my dear, I think if you go about trying to represent “both sides” of your spirituality (are they really sides?), you’ll wind up looking a hot ecumenical mess. And if I may be so bold as to offer a mentor-ish type observation, I would question your separation of UCC/RC as “two aspects” of yourself. They are not actually aspects of you, but are two distinct traditions, each with their own traditions of liturgical vestments. So this isn’t actually so much about you and your love and respect for both traditions, nor is it about your transition from one to the other: it is about which one you can and should properly represent at this conference while you are preaching. If you aren’t a Catholic, don’t vest like one. If you aren’t an ordained Protestant minister, don’t vest like one. If you are, at that moment, a Protestant seminarian, wear what a Protestant seminarian would wear. As a general conferee, you can wear whatever you like that identifies your eclectic spirituality identity, but not as a preacher. Like I said, “hot ecumenical mess.”

Best of luck, dearie, and God is love.
*Mwah* Kiss of peace.

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Parish Life

I met this morning with a lovely seminarian who is writing a paper about subjects pertaining to this blog. My first mistake was to bring Max — poor girl was trying to record the interview, which I imagine will sound like an episode of “The Vicar of Dibley” once she sits down to listen to it.

During our chat, my Director of Religious Education peeked in to check on a lost bag. He was dressed in hilarious running gear which required a good amount of teasing.

The Nursery School Director stopped in to do some copying and to get sweet on Max. So there was that.

Next, a member of the Building and Grounds Committee popped in to briefly discuss propping up the sagging kitchen floor of the parsonage (no jokes, please — I’ve made all of them already!).

The student smiled. A big smile. She was witnessing some of the cutest, most dear aspects of church life: everyone caring for each other, doing the day, bustling about being a community. Good stuff.

We talk so often about the vulnerabilities, dangers and snares of ministry that we don’t say it often enough: it’s a wonderful life!

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Flashy Gal Pastor!

Dear PeaceBang,

I have been assoc. pastor for 4 1/2 months for a local XXX church parish. Four churches. I switch off preaching to two of them with the senior pastor every two weeks.

Shortening this up a lot, here’s the deal: I have MANY clothes from my past 35 years of teaching, ending spring of ‘09, in my closet. I have started pulling out the more “serious” pieces for worship services, meetings, etc., but I still have many colorful shirts and tops which do not look particularly “pastorly.” Okay, so what do I do about tops I LOVE which have some sequins on the front to accent a colorful Parisian scene, for example? I hate to rid myself of these pieces I love, but at the majority of places I go, I wish to maintain my new status in my appearance– by what I wear. What is too flashy for women pastors? I still wear my cargo pants but also use more classic tops, in that case. Seems one distinctive piece at a time might work, though not cargos and sequins on the shirt together. I have many nice blazers and jackets for colder seasons in the Midwest. I do loathe the idea of dressing nicer than my parishioners, though in this rural area, some women (and many men) are accustomed to wearing jeans to Sunday services. I’ve worn a skirt every Sunday since I started in July though I could happily wear pants each Sunday in winter if given the green light. (Haven’t asked.) I don’t want to dump a lot of stuff, since I like my (past life) wardrobe a lot.

So,Victoria, just some fashion guidelines for this rookie pastor would be helpful. I’ll be a fairly youthful [50-something] next month and am not attending seminary or other schooling as of yet, since I have this step called CANDIDACY to accomplish before doing so.

Please take your time on this. Appearance conveys such an image–an unspoken message–to others! I hope to show I am appropriately and modestly clothed (no cleavage, for sure) and not obviously trying to get visual attention, yet individualistic in my self-expression. I work with the parish youth group also, many previously my students in junior high and high school, and they respond well to jeans on teachers and spiritual leaders alike, I’ve found. BTW, my husband thinks I look great in everything, bless his heart.

Shalom,
[Newbie Pastor]

Dear Newbie!
OH NO! What terrible news! You have PERSONALITY and an individual sense of STYLE!!
Just kidding you, kiddo.

This is a great letter, and I appreciate the accompanying photos that show you to be a petite, vibrant-looking lady who is in great shape and has a sense of fun with her clothes.

As you know, I agree wholeheartedly with you that your new image as a pastor is one that you want to take seriously and craft with intention, and I therefore commend you for taking a long look at your wardrobe and choosing judiciously from among your more colorful and even eccentric pieces. As you have intuited, one stand-out piece per outfit is a very good general guideline. So if you want to wear that hypothetical zebra print jacket, pair it with very tailored other pieces and make sure you’re wearing it for an appropriate occasion where “fun” or “wild” wouldn’t seem bizarre and/or distracting.

PeaceBang loves her some sequins but can’t think of one church event at which sequins would make any sense at all. She advises you to save them for nights out with your supportive and wonderful hubby. They’re just too flashy for the pastor’s wardrobe, even with a jacket over them and black pants.

As for dressing “nicer” than your parishioners, I wonder if you could think of it as dressing for work, while your parishioners are dressed for a day of rest? In other words, if you are in a suit and silk scarf on Sunday mornings and they are in jeans, are you really dressing “nicer” than them in some display of competitive status or is it really that you’re showing your respect for your role and for the Church? Only you can answer that question, because every community is different. In some congregations, folks gather to worship in flannel shirts and coveralls but would be shocked and offended if their pastor showed up for church in anything but a suit and tie. In others, a critical eye is cast on the minister if he or she seems to be “too fancy.” In still others, the members of the church are so swankified, the minister couldn’t possibly hope to keep up with all the Beau Brummels on his salary. He suffers great insecurity because his shoes are worn and his elbows patched. Since you serve FOUR congregations (bless your busy heart!), you will have to suss out the culture in each one and find a happy medium that allows you to go from one to the next without becoming sartorially schizophrenic.

A word on the cargo pants: I’d save them for casual summer days at the office. They’re just too sporty and casual and funky for ministry work. While I don’t want you to feel that you have to jettison all the distinctive pieces from your closet, I do want you to think about working from funky to more elegant- with-touches-of-funky. Keep a close, editing eye on cut and style: shirts with cut-outs or fringe are no-no’s. Skirts with glitz-factor, sheer fabrics or funny hems– also no-no’s. Avoid shiny fabrics unless they’re on tailored pieces and used for accents under more tailored garments. Remember how much of an impact a dramatic accessory can make and stop there rather than add another high-interest piece.

It may be time to take some of those truly out-there garments and let them have a new life with another owner. Think on these things…!

Send photos and show us some of your outfits! We’d love to see your transformation!

Kiss of peace, PB and your sisters and brothers in ministry

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Hey, Young ‘Uns!

PeaceBang observes, of late, that young clergywomen are doing a great job not being colorless and frumpy! Which is a wonderful thing!

Except that they’re committing other serious sartorial sins.
The main one of which is to wear clothes that are too tight, too flimsy, far too casual and that communicate the message, “I’m Not Sure If I Want To Be An Authority Figure! I Want to PLAY!”

Oh, dear.

It’s hard, isn’t it? Because while not wanting to look “like my grandmother” (which I hear all the time from the under 40-set), it’s so easy to adopt a “young” look that is actually inappropriate for one’s professional image in any profession, except for perhaps coffee shop barista.

Seriously, young women, can you polish it up a bit? For instance, I see VERY ill-fitted bras and way-too-tight shirts on young women than I do on their older sisters. I attribute this to a vehemently feminist attitude of Pride In My Curves, which is a great attitude, but let’s not equate positive body image with overtly immodest and distracting tops, okay?

Slacks and skirts are often a problem for the junior colleagues as well: low-riding slacks that ride too low are not professional, nor are pencil skirts that fit so snugly as to crease over the crotch. The younger generation’s upbringing on body-conscious clothing of the 90’s onward is evident, and not always a positive influence. There comes a time to move from the aggressively youthful fit of one’s Brittany Spear’s -influenced teen years to the more classic cuts of the adult professional. No one should be seeing the skin of your waist, ever. Even if you’re not wearing a bare midriff, if you choose a shirt or skirt/pants that are cut too small and too skimpily, you can still risk a Festival of Inappropriate Sharing when you bend or squat. So — please do bend and squat when you try things on in the stores!

I have one young acquaintance who is so phobic of plus-sizes that she insists on wearing clothes that are several sizes too small. She literally spills out of her clothing and in addition to putting her abundant cleavage on constant display, reveals a generous expanse of buttocks when she sits in her low-riding trousers. It’s sad and disturbing. Body dysmorphia, which we are so accustomed to thinking of as an affliction that convinces slim people that they are fat, can work in the opposite direction, too. Sometimes we just don’t see how we really look. PeaceBang struggles with this issue herself, which is why she has nothing but compassion for others who also don’t realize that their clothing is not just unflattering but plain doesn’t fit.

PeaceBang’s overall advice to the younger chicas is: There’s a LOT of room between the territories of Frumpy Old Lady and where most of you are now. It is possible — and necessary! to dress beautifully and attractively and youthfully without broadcasting “I’M YOUNG! I DON’T HAVE TO FOLLOW YOUR RULES! I AM THE NEW GENERATION! LOOKING SLOPPY AND REBELLIOUS AND INAPPROPRIATELY SEXY IS MY RIGHT!!I AM PRE-OFFENDED BY THE IDEA THAT YOU THINK I SHOULD LOOK LIKE MY FRUMPY OLDER COLLEAGUES! DON’T YOU DARE COMMENT ON MY ATTIRE!”

That is one troubling and obnoxious inner monologue to be having, my younger sisters. I encourage you to work seriously with a spiritual director or therapist if that sounds like your inner voice, and to challenge it. Because from what I’ve seen and heard out there, it’s a conversation that quite a few of you need to be having.

I’ve waited over a year to publish this post, but a slew of photos from a young clergywoman’s event prompted me to share it at last.

Kiss of peace,
PB

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Your #1 Piece of Advice To the New Preacher

I can’t choose a #1. I have a few:

1. You are there to minister to the congregation. Please leave all other goals or agendas at home (eg, to impress, to convert, to “show THEM the light,” to get free therapy, to vent, to curry favor… etc.)

2. Prepare, prepare, prepare.

3. Remember that it’s not about you.

4. Get out of the way and let God speak (see #2 and #3).

5. If you’re not a relational speaker, learn how to be. Work on it until you get it.

Now, pigeons, your turn.

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Academic Hoods At Ordinations

Good morning, Fruity Pebbles!
An interesting question from a dear reader!!

Dear Peacebang,

I am not yet ordained (that day cometh quickly) but have been attending a lot of ordinations lately. I have just graduated from seminary and I’m wondering if it’s tasteful and appropriate to wear one’s academic hood (it’s a lovely combination of red and gold and white) over one’s preaching robe as one joins the clergy/seminarians/almost-but-not quite clergy procession. I have heard both yeah and nay regarding the hood so I thought I would consult a true expert in not only appropriate attire for any occasion but good taste as well. What say you? -Vexed about vesting

Dear Vexed,
I don’t think there’s any hard and fast rule or protocol about the wearing of academic hoods by seminarians at ordinations, and different traditions have different practices. God knows the Unitarian Universalists can’t agree on what vestments/no vestments/combinations thereof are appropriate for such rituals, and I don’t know what denomination or tradition you belong to.

So let me just say, in my scrambled way (it’s not quite 9 AM, an hour before which PeaceBang can’t seem to get a coherent sentence out of her mouth or onto the keyboard), that I don’t see why you shouldn’t wear your academic hood if you’re a seminary graduate, but I also don’t see why you should, unless you want to.

PeaceBang is of the age in life and ministry when it’s no longer a thrill to drag that robe and stole and hood in the garment bag to an event and to change into those garments and process up the aisle to “Rank By Rank.” She is happy to do it, and always genuinely glad for the ordinand and the congregation, but she would be even happier in her own street clothes. However, she does remember being a seminarian and wanting so very much to don any appropriate outward signs of the office of minister, and so it is with this fond memory in her heart that she bids you wear your robe and hood with all due honor. It makes no difference if the red, gold and white are lovely or not — your school’s colors could be Kermit green, fuschia and mustard, and it would make no difference. You’ve earned that hood, you are a seminary graduate, and you are appearing in a context where those credentials matter. Therefore, rock your hood. But.. not with any robe that isn’t a classic pulpit gown, please.

And make sure to shine your shoes and brush your hair.

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