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THEY Can Be Creative. YOU Be Professional.

So I got this query today in my in-box. M asks,

Hi PeaceBang,
I am officiating at the funeral of a remarkable man on Friday who insisted to everyone before he died that no one was to wear black or dark colors at his funeral – he wanted color and celebration. Indeed, there is much to celebrate about his life, and his family will be following his wishes. How am I to manage his request? I usually wear a grey, navy, or black blazer with a different color skirt. I think I’d like to wear grey but dress it up with a colorful scarf or something. Do you have any thoughts on this? I don’t know that I am comfortable wearing a bright color. He was a [decorated WWII veteran], and so there will be pomp and circumstance and honors, and I want to be in keeping with this as well. Thanks for any help you can provide.

I responded thusly,

Hi M.,

I think it’s important to honor the wishes of the deceased, but not to the extent that you fret overly much about your attire being bright enough. Officiating at funerals is your job, and you need to look professional and appropriate. If all of your professional clothing is dark, then wear dark clothes with a pop of color to indicate that you’re on board with the spirit of the day. I am not in favor of officiants donning special attire or costumes to accommodate individual requests. One can make a nod to the theme of the day (bright colors, “Star Wars,” Disney, etc.), but the buck has to stop with any requests that have you questioning whether to radically alter your appearance or go clothes shopping for a rite of passage.

In this particular case, the fact that there will be military honors is even more reason to make sure you’re dressed in a formal and appropriate way, which usually doesn’t involve a bright dress. The military guard and the officiating clergy should be in formal attire. You needn’t wear the customary black if that was expressly unwanted by the man you’re honoring, but navy should do it, with perhaps a touch of color at the neck. As I say, suggest the color and let his friends and family do it up Technicolor for their dear departed.

Peace be upon him and kiss of peace to you.

The world is becoming less and less formal all the time, chickadees, and individual expression trumps tradition. What you allow in your church is up to you and your governing board, bishop or deacons to decide. But in a world where cosplay is becoming more and more mainstream, you better figure out now where to hold your boundaries or you may wind up giving the nuptial prayer dressed as Donkey from “Shrek,” or Darth Vader, or Captain Hook. You think I’m joshing? These photos are from real weddings.

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“I now pronounce you, Slave Leia, and Boba Fett, as lawfully wedded intergalactic love bunnies until the end of the millennia. May The Force be with you.” Although I might be persuaded to wear a Jedi robe to officiate in, I wouldn’t officiate at a wedding where one of the couple’s face was completely obscured. That’s a legal issue to me. I am responsible for assuring that the proceedings are orderly and legal, and I can’t really guarantee anything if I don’t know who’s under the mask. Geez, think of Laban and Jacob!

And finally, so cute and eccentric (the guy lives his entire life as Peter Pan) but so not getting me into a Wendy costume.

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Converting Regular Shirts Into Clericals: Call For Video Tutorial

Hi, Pidgies!!

Three years and some ago, we shared our collective knowledge about transforming regular old shirts into clericals. When I say “collective knowledge” I mean that those of you who sew wrote in and explained how you work this DIY sewing project. I don’t sew, and I don’t wear clericals, so I just sat back and watched you talk about it.

Now, lo these years later, reader Nona writes in asking for a video tutorial. “I’m a visual learner,” she says, and I think it’s a great idea. Would any of you be willing to take on this project for the sake of humankind?

Let me know and we’ll post it here!

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A PeaceBang Consult With Diane

I had a wonderful time consulting with Diane today.
She came in dressed for a regular day at her ministry setting as an Interim Minister of Pastoral Care in a large church located in an affluent Boston suburb.

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[Please click photos to enlarge.Sorry they’re not very good. Someday maybe I’ll have my own staff to do this for me!]

We talked about shoes, of course (Diane has wide feet and shoes are a challenge. I thought her Dansko sandals were fine, but advised her to wear a more chic shade of polish on her toes. It will make a big difference. I recommended a dark plum). We discussed Diane’s current setting and what she needs for a coming season of interviews and other formal formation occasions such as her ecclesiastical council (a necessary step before ordination in her tradition) next spring. I advised Diana to think not only about her immediate future, but to consider where she’d like to be in a year from now, and two years, and five. When you start to consider your image, appearance and role in the church and in society, think beyond the immediate moment. Where do you want to be? What kind of a feeling do you want to evoke in people when you walk into a room? What is deep in you that needs to be brought out?

Diane has a full wardrobe of camisoles and unstructured jackets from Chico’s, and a huge collection of statement necklaces to go with all the variations in colors of those combos. We quickly established that she looks much, much better in rich jewel tones than in neutrals. We discovered that she loves a little bit of sparkle. I found this very telling, as I always listen carefully for those little, revealing details. Diane presents as a lovely, low-key presence. She is pleasant, intelligent, and poised, but warm and personable. We laughed when I told her that she’s seems like a classic Nice White Lady.

Nice White Ladies are great. But “nice church ladies” of any color who aspire to public leadership need to have some options in their wardrobe that help them achieve a more commanding presence.

Diane brought colleague Mary with her. I had done a consult with Mary a year ago and it was great to see her again, fresh out of her first year in the parish. As Diane tried on combo after combo and I commented on the various looks, we talked about clergy image and why it feels so important to connect the sense of beauty we feel about God’s creation with our own appearance; why we care about making that effort. It was a great chat.

After seeing Diane in about ten different ensembles that she brought from home, it was clear that she has a kind of uniform for herself of flowy top, camisole, and slacks accessorized by bold necklaces. There’s nothing wrong with having a go-to outfit concept like that: it saves a lot of time and makes shopping for clothes and dressing in the morning much easier.

But I wanted to see if we could get Diane to move a bit out of her comfort zone. She has a fantastic figure that she’s not dressing for at all, so we discussed tailored, more fitted styles that will give her a sharper, more contemporary and stylish silhouette. Since she’s wearing mostly flowing poly knits, I recommend that she investigate some cotton/spandex tops, which look very smart tucked into pants when you have a beautiful waistline, as Diane does. I see a gorgeous leather belt with a bold, amazing belt buckle in her future, as well as a great pair of dark denim jeans. I want to encourage her to get a little more STRIDE in her stride.

Diane’s necklines are almost all camisoles, which is fine but, IMHO, not tailored enough for a woman in leadership position to wear to every professional appearance. I recommended that Diane try on some collared blouses, that she look at jackets with structure and lapels, and that she challenge herself to try on younger, more chic clothing just to see how that might change her sense of herself.

And then we went upstairs to mess around with hair and make-up. Diane, I’m so sorry that I accidentally deleted the little tutorial video I made for you! But I can easily recreate your make-up right here. Ready, everyone? Here’s Diane after a bit of cosmetic enhancement and wearing one of my necklaces, just to give her an idea of a different style than her usual bold, multi-strands of colorful beads.

Continue reading “A PeaceBang Consult With Diane”

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Call for Photos Of You In Clericals

Wow, hey dear ones.
I don’t really have the usual PB zest tonight but a lovely pigeon wrote with this question and I thought it a pefect opportunity to solicit photos of you all in clericals. Boys n’ girls, take a full-length photo of you stylin’ in your collar and submit it to me at victoria.(my real last name)@gmail.com. Would you do that? Thanks.

N. writes,

I am a newcomer to your site. I am intrigued by it and greatly appreciate its voice and message for women clergy. How we look does matter and speaks far beyond simple professionalism. I look around at many of my female colleagues and am often underwhelmed by their fashion choices. Their clothes too often say “Don’t take me seriously.” I try very hard to do the opposite. I have seen clergy attire done well on occassion and aspire to it. A well/thoughtfully dressed pastor shows respect for the office and the call. I’m looking for advice on how to make ensemble choices when wearing a clergy shirt that are both professional and flattering. Any suggestions?

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Holy Land Trip

Jackie writes,

Idea for you blog, but really just selfish inquiry and much needed style help! For this frazzled pastor! Question what does a plus size pastor wear for a 12 day church trip to Israel in February where the weather can go from 30-50-70 degrees? We can only pack 44 lbs.

Lucky you! How wonderful!

Here are some thoughts from Yours Truly about packing for such an excursion.

Ten Packing Tips For Pastor Trips

1. Choose a color palette and resolve to stick to it. That means that everything goes with everything else. Don’t underestimate how much easier this will make your life once you get to your destination, but how much time and thought goes into choosing the colors and garments that all work with each other.

2. Consider making your main bag a sturdy canvas bag or knapsack style if you’re going to be on and off buses. This is not a professional trip in terms of needing to look smart exiting the taxi or rolling through the hotel lobby. This is an excursion and you are not “on role” here as you would be, say, going to a conference as a presenter. Make sure your bag is on wheels and can take a lot of being thrown in the back of a vehicle and crushed by others. You will not regret it if your bag has at least a few separate compartments. I would not recommend a regular plain old suitcase.

3. Bring a cross-body day bag or rucksack that you can roll up and stick in your suitcase exterior pocket. This will be indispensable for sightseeing. Also consider bringing a very small crossbody bag for throwing on when you’re just jumping out for a cup of coffee. I bought one from Baggalini that just fits my camera, a little guide book and some lip balm and I used it every day on my big sabbatical trip to Turkey and Greece.

4. The right shoes are absolutely central to the success of this trip. You may spend as much time making footwear decisions as you do about your entire wardrobe. You know why this is okay? Because if your feet are bothering you, that’s all you’ll remember about the trip. “We walked where Jesus walked, and I just remember that I got a blister and my arches were killing me!” Know your terrain and seek high and low til ye find the right footwear. This is a particular passion of PeaceBang’s, who refuses to wear sneakers in public as she feels that it simply screams “Ugly American” and who will spend weeks researching and trying footwear that will be comfortable, supportive and trekky enough but not look like she is wearing tires on her feet. It’s a challenge.

5. Choose cotton garments for breathability. This is assurance against getting stinky. Make sure the cotton garments fit well (no shapeless Hanes T-shirts) and have a touch of Spandex so they pack well without wrinkling horribly. Learn to roll your clothes for packing; never fold.

6. It helps if all of your garments are in solid colors, leaving you to add a few interesting print accessories that take up no room in your luggage but that add visual interest and versatility when you’re basically wearing the same thing for two weeks. OR, I like to pack only solid black pants and black sweaters and then a few bright patterned tops.

7. Women need to pack a skirt. A pull-on knee-length is fine, or a nice maxi style for evenings out or religious sites. Women also should pack a lightweight shawl or two. I have a beautiful featherweight cashmere blend that I bought in Turkey that I can roll into a small enough package to fit in a tiny purse.

8. Febreze and Woolite are your indispensable aids in keeping your garments fresh through many wearings. Consider packing old undies that you can toss away as the trip wears on, leaving room in your bag for purchases.

9. Standard Levi jeans are very heavy and not really appropriate clothing for such a trip. Look for comfortable pants with some stretch to them, but nothing too sporty like yoga pants. Guys can wear chinos or other types of slacks.

10. Layers! You told me that Israel might be 30 degrees at night, 50 during the day and up to 70 degrees. When traveling anywhere, but especially in such climates, I have a uniform of pants or skirt, long camisole or tank top (or empire waist sleeveless lightweight tunic top) cardigan over that and scarf in my bag for warmth around the neck. Hair up, hat and crossbody bag.

11. Bonus Extra! I think that safari jackets are a really great item for travel. They have a nice shape to them, they have that flattering drawstring waist or belt, and they’re classics that go with almost anything. The neutral color works for everyone and you can really brighten one up with a pop of color around the neck with a little cotton scarf. A terrific, versatile travel garment.

What say you, pigeons? I’ve never been to Israel but I’m sure many of you have. Please proffer your advice in the comments.

Jackie, have a wonderful, blessed trip. Send photos! Kiss of peace, PB