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Buy It Anyway

I met a brand-new minister recently who asked my advice on what to wear for her first Meeting The New Church social outing.
We had such fun clucking like a couple of little hens about it.

She wrote to me today and said that she wore a black pencil skirt, a smashing pair of Anne Klein black slingbacks (bless her heart), and this sweater:

http://www.anthropologie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=10686&itemType=PRODUCT&iSubCat=266&iMainCat=11

Yes, it’s too expensive for her budget, for yours, and for mine. HOWEVAH, after spending three weeks looking for just the right thing, how much do you it was worth it to her to land this darling item and to know she looked absolutely drop-dead perfect for this important event?

The moral of the story is: if you find something you absolutely adore, that fits you beautifully and fills you with confidence and a sense that you’re dressed just right, buy the damn thing. Buy two. Because I’m telling you, you can always take on another wedding to earn some extra bucks, but you can’t always find something that exquisitely expresses the youness of you.

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Conference Shoes

Darlings, PeaceBang has just returned from New York City, where in between getting caught in torrential downpours, she had the pleasure of walking to various appointments and observing NYC fashion in person!
It was so inspiring!
I can just tell you that the gals are wearing darling little print dresses (vintage, not icky, drab florals) with cardigans and big chunky beads and all manner of fabulous sandals. Another lovely look (since PeaceBang can’t imagine where one would easily procure true vintage cotton frocks outside of the Village) is light colored suits (tailored! tailored) with slingbacks and smashing bags. A gentle grass green with some grey in it is all the rage and looks good on everyone. Not Kelly green, not acid green. And in the bags or the shoes, not near the face.

Someone asked about shoes for GA (or other conferences). I know it’s hard. I am agonizing over the decision myself. My comfortable shoes are all heinous and unflattering, and my attractive shoes are mostly no good for schlepping from one event to the other. My overall advice on conference shoes is this: if they’re chunky and heinous, wear a nice long pant that fits beautifully, a cute top, and don’t feature them. If they’re adorable and make you feel gorgeous, keep the rest of your outfit simple to highlight them.

Someone asks, “are black dress shoes okay with tan pants?”

Dear Someone,
No.

At least, I don’t think so. Unless the “tan pants” are a beautiful pair of true trousers with a shape to them, and are lined, and are elegant. Then of course, you can wear an elegant dress shoe.
It’s really more about the scale and line than the color. If the pants are light and tailored and elegant, the shoe should also be elegant, in whatever color. The shoe should not be heavy and, for instance, patent leather. That’s too wintery and heavy. If the shoe has a thin ankle strap and a delicate foot, by all means wear it with “tan pants” (didn’t we talk about the evils of “tan” already? I’m a bit worried) and a smart black cardigan and fitted shell with pearls or beads. Bring another dark color somewhere into the outfit and you’ll be fine.

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I See London, I See France

Glory asks about the touchy moment when we are treated to a view of a colleague’s panties through a light colored pair of trousers.

After PeaceBang is able to take her hand away from her mouth in horror, she will respond to this question.

I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

:::one hour later:::

Okay, I’m back.

People of the cloth, it is imperative that we speak the truth in love to one another about our fashion faux pas. The evident panty line or visible posterior of one brother or sister in the ministry is a blushing embarrassment for all of us. There are already too many buffoon clergy characters in our literary and cultural history — we can’t afford any more in our own day and time.

When you see an egregious violation of sartorial appropriateness, you must speak up. Say something like, “Your words were really inspiring, but I’m sure you never intended to upstage yourself by treating us all to a view of your skivvies.”

Or, “I wonder if any of the congregation were able to attend properly to your sermon after having seen the whole of your bazoom when you leaned over to tell the children’s story. I’m sure you had no idea, but my dear, lean forward right now and let me show right here in the powder room mirror.”

Or, “My dear and reverend sir, I commend you for showing up to build the Habitat house. However, let me recommend to you that before you leave the house for such good Christian endeavors, that you squat in your pants to check the fit. Having hammered shingles below you for an hour, I feel especially qualified to give you this advice.”

Use humor, but be direct. Speak your piece and then beat a hasty retreat with a kind handclasp or encouraging hand on the shoulder. When appropriate, make recommendations. I would be so grateful if colleagues would help one another in this wise instead of remaining silently horrified. I live in constant fear that my clothes are pulling in the back or the front in ways that I can’t see, and making me look like a sausage wrapped in casing (because I think overly large, formless clothes are the ugliest possible way to deal with a plump figure). I would so appreciate it if someone took me aside and said, “Love the blazer, PeaceBang, but there’s a bit of an unfortunate tailoring here at the back that I know you can’t see.”

I mean, heavens… even with the constricting undergarments, the primping, the clothes, the make-up and the hair products, we’re all still subject to fashion mistakes.

Also see #6 On The Booger Patrol here :
http://beautytipsforministers.blogspot.com/2006/04/make-up-tips-part-i.html#links

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What To Wear For C.P.E.

Wintry Mix came out of lurking to ask PeaceBang about CPE-appropriate clothing, given their fairly stringent (and appropriately so) dress code.

Wintry, blessed are those who are brave enough to ask for sartorial help, for they shall receive it.

First of all, consider your role: chaplain in a hospital. Someone who needs to be able to get around fast in slippery hospital corridors, to stand for lengths of time around beds, and who needs to look approachable and yet still professional.

Open toed shoes are out. Good. They should be, as they are neither appropriate for the role nor hygenic in a hospital setting. We’ll get to shoes later.

Look to the doctors for your role model: they stay crisp and tailored, and so should you.
I advise you to stay with the basics:

> Twill pants with a nice cut (not Dockers or the like — shop for something with shape). Navy or black, nothing light (you don’t want someone’s last vision to be of your pantylines as you go out the door). Two pairs should be fine. Have them hemmed if necessary. You should *love* them.

> A couple of nicely tailored blouses, and I wouldn’t recommend anything but solid colors. A rosy color is nice, as is a beautiful sea blue/green. Think soothing, not busy. Long sleeves or 3/4 length will do nicely, and nothing that wrinkles too quickly. Yes, it’s the summer but hospitals are CHILLY!
If you want to run out and play right after work, wear a camisole under the shirt and rip off the shirt at the end of the day.

> A beautiful, classic belt buckle. Wear it everyday. Make it your major accessory. Tuck your shirt into the trousers and set it off with the belt. Lovely. Are you of slim or ample shape? It helps me to know that.

> Layer. Wear a cotton/spandex NICE t-shirt that FITS your body under a lovely cardigan. (But be aware of silk blends with an unfortunate odor.). When they specify no t-shirts, they don’t mean nice t-shirts with a satin trim neck, a fitted bodice and cap sleeves, etc. They just don’t anyone showing up in either Hanes or shirts with the latest youth ministry conference logo on it.

> Accessories should be simple. A nice watch, and a simple necklace and earrings. A small cross, if you’re Christian. There’s no need to make the common Beginner Minister mistake and adorn yourself with huge religious symbols. Chaplaincy is as chaplaincy does, my dear.

> The reason I’m not recommending summer jackets for you is that cardigans and blouses are softer and less “professional.” You are going to be comforting people and praying with them. You need utmost mobility in your clothing without being sloppy. Blazers look wonderful but they’re constricting. PeaceBang is too generously-sized to look good in a cardigan, so she does blazers a lot and knows this.

> If you go with skirts, and if you have the figure for it, a nice pencil skirt that hits just below the knee shouldn’t cause anyone to cite you for dress code violation. For heaven’s sake, don’t buy anything long and floral! Again, as in the trousers the fabric should be non-clingy and beautifully tailored. Dark colors with lighter tops.

> SHOES!

Dear heart, I went shoe shopping today and was HORRIFIED by the big rubber messes passing for sandals this season! There seems to be a new trend in Shoes That Resemble Tires, which may allow you to scoot around the ER with utmost confidence, but are far too sporty and give a girl a floppy gait, which is NEVER comforting to the afflicted. This is especially a problem with those ubiquitous backless shoes. Do avoid clogs and the like, unless they have a back piece. Clogs are generally okay (just okay) but they do clop, and you don’t want to sound like My Friend Flicka making your rounds.
L.L. Bean has a nice Kennebunkport clog that I like in the neutral color. They’re over $50 but you can be sure they’ll be made well and offer excellent support. Just don’t clop, and don’t wear them with a short skirt.
(If you get this for your shoe, stay with a lower-calf length skirt. Just make sure you’re not drowning in too much skirt. Keep it streamlined. A matte jersey would be good, but wear a control top tummy slimmer with it if you’re chunky or you’ll jiggle fore and aft.)

It just so happens that flats are wildly in fashion right now, and there are oodles of styles to choose from in every color and in every price range. Get yourself some flats with some good support in them, with a round toe (pointy looks fabulous but is impractical for your job), and a rubber bottom for good grippability. I swear by Dr. Scholl inserts myself, and you may want to purchase some trimmed in your shoe size before you hit the DSW Shoe Warehouse or wherever. It may be that your CPE shoes need to be 1/2 size bigger to accomodate the inserts. At the end of the summer, believe me, you’ll never want to see those shoes again. Have a shoe burial party when it’s all over.

You may be forgiven for wearing a slightly frumpy shoe for your CPE position. Buy yourself some strappy stilettos for when you’re off duty and samba the night away. Promise me you will. And please don’t feel the need to wear navy shoes with navy slacks. A lovely taupe or neutral will get you through any outfit. Just stay away from cutesy ballerina flats or anything with big bows.

P.S. Make sure to stock purse-sized Purell for yourself before you start, and lay in a supply of those fresh white hankies.

Oh, and Wintry? NO PERFUME WHATSOEVER when you’re in the hospital. Not even heavily scented hand creams or hair products. Sick people are very sensitive to odors and their immune systems are compromised, and they may react badly to heavily scented products. Be a love and pass that along to your comrades in the program.

Take care of yourself and your own immune system. Make sure to play every day.
May God bless you in this ministry, and may the Good Fairy of Shopping send you just the right clothes for your CPE. Let us know how it goes.