Talitha and Emily posed great questions a couple weeks ago. They wrote,
I’d love to hear some wisdom or experience about dressing for children’s ministry. This week for example the various demands on me were so many and so contradictory it was hard to decide what to wear. Our church had a youth-run BBQ and all-church fair after the service, so I was helping set up the BBQ and face painting stations, teaching Sunday school all down on the floor with my guitar, and then participating in worship (and a communion sunday at that) and going straight from worship to the fair. I could’ve used a backstage quick-change with a costuming assistant. [Yes!! And don’t hesitate to actually arrange for that! No joke!- PB]
I settled on dressy pants with POCKETS and a cotton floral button-down shirt that washes up great from messes, to work for all of the above activities. So I was overdressed for arts and crafts, and underdressed at the communion table, ah well. Someone else must have done this too or maybe there’s even a halo of praise for someone who’s awesome at it. I’d love to hear more!
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I’d like to second Talitha’s request. On my average week, I go from worship-no-alb to worship-robed to youth group, while hauling my twin toddlers with me. (I start in a collar and wedges and usually change in between, as for the car wash the other week.) Upcoming, I’m running Bible School one week and an in-town mission trip one week, while being the solo pastor on call for the rest of the church’s needs. A few summers ago, the youth requested that I stop wearing my very practical khaki capri pants, now making me self-conscious about everything. [Oh my heavens, how awkward! Did they say why? – PB] I’ve seen other pastors-who-work-with-youth add dignity with accessories, but since I’m at the stage where necklaces and dangly earrings are impractical with my own children, I gave up on those for the most part. (Not to mention the Sunday considerations of a microphone around the ear.) Yes, help would be great.
Hi T and E! So glad you wrote! I hope I can help!
PeaceBang’s general rule is to always dress for the most important and formal event of your day and suck it up being overdressed for the other, less formal things. I would still go with that guideline in most situations, adjusting as you can with quick changes of shoes, jackets or accessories. For instance, I keep a couple pairs of black shoes in my office for switching up, and I often do the Mr. Rogers change from cardigan to blazer in the church before heading out to a more formal or public occasion. So having your own space to store some “costume changes” might be one fairly easy thing you can do to give yourself some options on those crazy days when you’re going from sitting on the floor with children to leading a class for adults.
I think the first thing you want to take care of is making sure that you have a worship-appropriate top (eg jacket or blazer or shawl or bugle-beaded evening gown) in that closet that works with a lot of your shirts and blouses. Or even just a nice blouse or shirt that goes with a lot of things would be good, as you never want to assist in worship looking wrinkly or too casual. Not because God cares, and not even because it’s a cardinal fashion sin in a congregational context where everyone knows you’re often sitting on the floor with kids, but because you have an opportunity there to represent Christian education and family ministry, and it’s on you if people start to associate ministry to children with sloppiness or lack of professionalism. You never, ever want to show up looking like the poor relation in the church, okay? That’s really important for the respect people have for the work you’re doing.
I’m getting repetitive, so let’s move on.
I am constantly amazed at how much of a fuss some religious education professionals make about the need to be dressed comfortably for their work. From the way they carry on, you would think they’re out in the fields FARMING with their youth groups rather than sitting on a couch in a room of the church. If you’re cooking, throw on an apron. If you’re moving a few chairs, you don’t need to wear yoga pants. If you’re helping out with a bake sale, you don’t need to wear hospital scrubs. I mean, humans beings not very long ago did all sorts of tasks in starched collars and petticoats. It’s not going to kill any of us to sit on the floor in a comfortable cotton skirt or pair of rayon spandex pants, you know what I mean? There’s no need to wear T-shirts if one’s sleeves roll up.
Dress respectfully for the work AND for the children and youth. Too many youth and CE ministers make the mistake of dressing like children when they’re trying to come across as approachable and accessible. This can result in a lot of reindeer sweater wearing, and that just makes Jesus very sad. You’re not a kid; don’t dress like one. Wear pants that fit well and hit the top of your shoe. Wear actual shirts and maybe even a scarf or accessory. Unless you’re leading a hike or outdoor activity or working in an un-ac’d room in the summer, you should not be wearing capris or clam diggers or any of those heinous pants styles that so generously bestow instant frump factor on the wearer.
In my first job out of seminary I was the Youth Minister to a youth group of over 50 young people AND the minister to an alternative Sunday Evening Service. Believe me, I FEEL YOUR PAIN! I was such an inexperienced newbie that it never occurred to me that it was complete madness to expect me to literally be in two places at once (the SES and the Youth program convened at the same exact hour). I agonized every Sunday about what to wear that would allow me to present in a respectable ministerial manner at the worship service but not feel too dressy when I popped in on the youth group. It was awful, and an unfair situation to put me in. I wore a lot of long skirts, I remember, and felt stupid much of the time. This is all to say that while we’re talking about what to wear, do be fair to yourselves and work with your leadership about how to minimize abrupt, total about-faces in role and function. No one should have to go from digging earthworms with 6 year olds to attending coffee hour with adults to leading Bible study to watching a movie with teenagers in beanbag chairs. That’s too much for one day, and it’s up to you to set boundaries around how many transitions you can fairly and appropriately make over the course of one Sunday.
Did that help? Sort of?
Well, chime in, pigeons! Tips, advice, survival skills all welcome!
I’ve worked for years in youth and children’s ministry, and there are some puzzles to work out around professional attire. Especially when one is moving between children’s functions and general congregational functions. My goal was to be neat but adaptable.
Some general practices i adopted for adaptability.
1 – I invested in stain resistant khaki and dark slacks, that could easily be adapted between settings. NO JEANS, unless working at camp. Stains are a real issue when doing messy crafts and outdoor projects.
2 – I invested in basic white and off-white dress shirts. No tie when working with the kids. Put the tie on when moving back into the general population for liturgical or preaching work. Have a sports jacket in the office that can also be put on.
3 – I used rather plain brown leather shoes. NO SNEAKERS OR SANDALS, unless I was working at camp.
Part of my own frustration/anxiety about clothing in church ministry settings where I did youth and children’s work, came from interactions with baby-boomer congregants. If they viewed my clothes as “too dressy” I would often come in for major criticism both informally and on official congregation evaluation surveys. “Dresses too formal for working with kids.” “Needs to dress down to be more relevant to teens.” In their view professional attire for youth pastors was supposed to be jeans and a t-shirt. I was not in unity with the idea that khakis, brown shoes, and a white dress shirt with no tie are “too dressy” for an adult working with teens. But I actually had one boomer parent lecture me that dressing that way “Sends a message that like some professor you want to be separate from the teens during Sunday School.” Perhaps more her issue with authority figures, than my actual interactions with teens. In fact I was different from my teens. I was in the ministerial role of religious teacher, and not the role of peer. And besides, I never got the sense my youth had much of an opinion about my clothing. They needed me to be friendly, but did not need me to be their peer.
I relaxed a whole lot when I realized that I could probably *never* dress in a way that teens would recognize as cool. So I might as well be myself, and be dressed for my role as their minister. Teens have very strong radar for people not being themselves, so… bonus!
“This can result in a lot of reindeer sweater wearing, and that just makes Jesus very sad.”
Unless you are Colin Firth, in which case it makes Jesus ROTFL with the rest of us.
In my congregation, I never know from one week to the next if there will be children in the congregation. I have a piece prepared in case there are children and what I do is sit on the chancel steps. In my robe and stole. When we had a youth group I would wear a clerical collar and skirt with cardigan or blazer depending on weather. We watched movies, we had bible study, we did community work and I was usually dressed the same. When we did roadside clean up I wore jeans and rubber boots, but wore a clerical collar. And I concur with Rev’d Gidget..teens have a great b.s. or “inauthentic” meter.
Thank you, PeaceBang! Yes, this helps some. In my context, worship is worship. It’s actually easier in my mind to get down to the floor and back up in a long robe than in most shorter skirts just for the modesty factor.
For my own part, I have no problem showing up at youth group in my Sunday worship clothes. No teen expects me to be a teen, and they’re in their Sunday clothes, too. It’s when we’re actively washing cars or on sticky hot mission trips that I feel frumpy and uncertain. Next week, the youth and I will in fact be farming for part of the day, so I scheduled the things where I need to look respectable carefully around that. Any pastoral emergencies will have to take what they get, I think, though the idea of having a backup outfit in the office is well noted.
I have to switch back and forth between adult ministry and full on messy kids ministry. My go to outfit that gets me between the two is a pair of smart black pants with enough stretch that I can sit on the floor with the kids, a shaped black top in a dressy fabric but easily machine washable, and black boots with a low heel. I dress it up a little with nice earrings and a colourful scarf – often removing the scarf for messy crafts and putting it back on for adult time (which has the added bonus of conveniently covering any playdough or mess which has made it’s way onto my top!).
I work with college students rather than younger kids, so that presents its own challenges! Most of the time, I’ll dress up for church and then just swap my dress pants for nice dark skinny jeans (but not too skinny). That means my top half and shoes usually feel way too formal for the setting, but it actually works really well in creating the vibe of an authority figure who’s also relevant.