The Super Casual Experiment

Hola, pigeons!
“SATURDAY! SATURDAY! SATURDAY!” (Elton John riffs)

Sometimes we have seasons of blechness. It might be depression. It might be a the first barfy tri-mester of a pregnancy. It might be cancer or migraines or menopause or Crohn’s disease or chronic bad pain or acid reflux. The fact is, we’re not all well all the time. Many of us live for long stretches in a condition of “I’m not officially ill but I’m not in great health right now, either,” and that’s not something we tend to talk about amongst ourselves very much.

How come?

I suspect because as willing as we tend to be to share the innermost workings of our minds and souls, we consider health matters private matters, not appropriate for discussion. How come? I challenge that!
I find great hilarity and comfort in talking about health issues with my ministerial colleagues (now family, really) who started down this road with me when we were shiny kids in our 20’s and are now staring down fiftieth birthdays. We talk about everything from bowels to biopsies to bad knees. That’s one of the beauties of making good friends early on in ministry and keeping in close contact with each other, so make sure to do that, seminarians!! That said, I get the impression that most ministers push our own bodies to show up for others while showing up far less readily for ourselves. I think that our bodies, like money, are an uncomfortable subject for faith communities and we don’t know how to navigate that tension.

I am sitting here typing this on a Saturday night with cold hands and a cold noggin and a draggy feeling after many consecutive weeks of mildly lousy health with nothing really wrong with me. I have been taking care of myself as best I can, sleeping more, taking probiotics and other magical potions and elixirs, trying to drink enough water and keeping tiring extracurricular activities to a minimum. I take advantage of the days when I feel really terrific to do errands, laundry and cooking. I save extra reserves of energy for extra-full days and Sundays.

Because I get so easily chilled (yes, mother hens, I am having my thyroid checked), I shampoo and style my hair at night. And I leave extra time to get beautimous before going to work because I think it’s important not to broadcast that I’m feeling less than radiant. I think it’s important to be mindful and intentional about letting our communities know when, and if, we’re having health problems. I do not consider myself to be having health problems, just a season of blechness. I am headachey Winter Hag. Blech, hear me roar.

Today, though, I made an interesting decision: I decided to go to a public event with my hair in a ponytail and no make-up, in yoga pants, a wool coat and a baseball cap. Because it is Saturday, because it was not my church’s event (we had a presence there) and because I was not attending in the role of community leader, I thought I would do leave the house as I was and see how I felt about it. Kind of an experiment for you, pigeons. Here was what I concluded:

>Attending a community food fair on a Saturday afternoon dressed like a regular weekender was a signal: “I’m just here for the eats and to say hi.” I felt a significant sense of relief in being there in that mode. I was relaxed and did not feel “on” in the way that requires a major output of energy, although I wound up networking a little bit.

> I like being able to go somewhat incognito at times. When people have to do a double-take and say, “Oh, Vicki! Hi!” that says to me that my baseball cap wearing self is significantly different than my put-together-ready-for-leadership-looking self. I think folks pick up on the difference and know that in baseball cap mode, I’m there but I’m not available for heavy lifting.

> Being pale and washed out and ponytailed makes me feel vulnerable, and that’s okay sometimes, but not often!! It was definitely worthwhile to experience the difference between “Put Together Ready To Meet and Greet” Vicki and “Hi, I Stopped By For A Little While” Vicki. One more level of dishevelment and I would have been just plain sloppy, and that is NEVER okay. Very casual is fine now and then. Sloppy and gross is never fine.

I went to Starbucks to work on my sermon and ran into a parishioner and he had to come over and look in my face to figure out who I was. If nothing else, my experiment persuaded me that my efforts with the mascara wand and lipstick tube do make a difference.

Winter Hag is getting back to Sunday prep now. She wishes you all God’s blech-ings.