Oof, this hurts.
It’s hard to play tattle-tale on each other, pigeons, but sometimes you have to send in a report to PeaceBang and let her do the tough love.
This is really not okay.
This is a formal church wedding, and the pastor is wearing casual beach sandals with what appears to be chinos (I don’t know — my argument here isn’t with the pants, it is with the shoes).
This is an insult to the occasion, and it is not acceptable. What it communicates is, “This may be one of the most important days of your life, but to me it’s just another afternoon at church so I just popped in to solemnize your nuptials and I’m going right back to cleaning my garage as soon as I get out of here.”
I am hurt and offended for the bride and groom, who have this pastoral disrespect immortalized in their photo album for future generations to see.
It’s like this, dearests: this is not a day at the office. It is not acceptable for you to think that what you have on under your robe doesn’t matter, because it’s only a 20 minute service and then you’re going home. N.O.
You dress as though you were a guest at a wedding. You dress that way from head to toe BEFORE you put your robe on, because the moment you walk through the door, you are part of a formal occasion (unless the wedding itself is casual, in which case you STILL dress for the camera and appropriately to the occasion, not to the festivities that come afterward).
I still remember with a shudder the unbelievable photo I received of the young female pastor presiding over her seminary friend’s nuptials in a sleeveless, fitted top with a plunging V-neckline and a STOLE over her bare arms. Clueless, insulting and distracting. Had I been there, I would have fetched a pashmina from my car (I almost always have one in there), draped it becomingly over Rev. Cleavage, and pinned it in place.
What with graduation and wedding season upon us, there is NO REST for your weary PeaceBang. I MAY need a summer intern; if only to keep my iced coffee full and to bring me my smelling salts when I receive these disturbing photos.
PB, I would so totally volunteer to be your summer intern. If I didn’t, you know, live on the opposite side of the country and have other stuff I need to do.
I don’t tend to be the biggest lover of fashion rules, but that is the most crappy thing I have ever seen in my life. If my priest showed up to my wedding like that, I’d assume that she had just had a stroke and take her to the ER immediately.
My hubby had to fill in for me once when a family emergency came up. It was a vow renewal for a couple who weren’t married in a church originally and they wanted to have a church ceremony while the husband still had the strength – he had terminal cancer. A few months later, I was at the home of the husband’s parents counseling them after he had passed. They showed me the photo of my husband presiding at the vow renewal. I was horrified to see his white New Balance tennis shoes beneath his robe!
As we speak he is getting ready for a wedding today and we ran through the wardrobe check – dress shoes only! He’s learned. I can’t wait to show him this posting though.
I also take extra care with what I wear to conduct the rehearsal. Plenty of families are still new to the whole woman pastor thing, and my appearance has to convey authority. It should say: “Hello, I’m Rev. Gadon, and I know enough to be in charge of your child’s wedding.” [OH, such a good point! Worthy of a whole post, in fact, when I get to it. – PB]
Oh my. That is worse than the wedding at which I officiated just yesterday at an Episcopal church (of course I had on black shoes, and full vestments.) It was a Bama-themed wedding. Red and black bridesmaids’ dresses. Red and white flowers. A red and white bridal gown. An elephant head on the red and white groom’s cake. The groom sported a red and white houndstooth tie. All barely within the pale. However. The groom’s stepmother sported houndstooth flip flops and houndstooth dangly earrings with her black and red dress. I was compelled to turn to someone simpatico and comment “These are not my people.”
[I must tsk-tsk you, good Reverend. We do not judge what lay people choose to wear to their weddings. Be aware that the snarkiness you express may seem to be falling on “simpatico” ears, but still sounds classist and unkind — neither qualities anyone wants in their pastor. The remark, “These are not my people” strikes me as extremely unbecoming of a priest. All people are our people. – PB]
I am still shaking my head.
Thank you for the timely reminder. Thursday begins “4 Weddings in 10 Days,” three of which I’m officiating at. I know I’d be tempted to wear my lovely teal sandals to at least one of them. But not now!
Yeah, that’s just appalling. Oy.
Let’s hope the wedding photographer can so some Photo Shop magic on those sandals and turn them into black dress shoes!
Although I never wore casual shoes with a robe, in the early days before there were many women in ministry I had to see an awful photo of myself at a formal procession at which I was wearing shoes appropriate to the dress beneath but horrendous with the black robe. Of course, at least I was wearing a black robe and not some of the free-form jesters outfits some of my 70’s era male colleagues were wearing. I wish you had been with us back then! I don’t know if there are many photos of the SLT circa 1985, but if you could find one….
And it is for reasons like this that my husband (also clergy) shined up his black dress shoes on Saturday to preside at a wedding… even though it was crazy hot out. Wear sandals there, put on shoes for service, wear sandals home… easy, peasy.
Agreed. I do have a question: I’m doing an outside wedding in June, not the most formal occasion but I’m guessing NONE of these folks have ever witnessed a female celebrant. I’m struggling with what to wear. I’ll wear an alb, stole, and collar for the ceremony itself, and a dress with a collar for both the rehearsal and the wedding, but the shoes…..
are black espadrilles to casual? I’m OK with wearing pumps for the ceremony and changing if that is best. Perhaps I’ve just answered my own question….
[Hey, Madge! Yea, go with your instincts on the shoes. You got it. And check the archives, because you know we’ve agonized over this question many a time on here. Blessings. -PB]
So glad to see this. I also agree that it behooves us to dress well for the rehearsal, too. I did one just yesterday, and came in “office casual” for the backyard barbecue. Most everyone was in jeans (with a number of the horse folk having come straight from the barn), and the master of ceremonies (the soundguy) came in jeans with birkenstocks. I showed up in my proper shoes and office dress, introduced myself as priest, and quickly saw that no one else seemed to have any idea what to do with a rehearsal. I credit my properly pressed trousers to my ability to whip that rehearsal into shape in 45 minutes.
For today, it’s formal trousers and clericals under cassock and surplice. Even though it’s a casual backyard wedding on a horsefarm, they are still wearing tuxes and wedding gowns and they wanted a “timeless” feel. Vestments do timeless better than anything else.