This cracked me up. Back in May I received this confession from Faithful Pigeon Ellen.
Please hear my confession. I came to the office in jeans, SNEAKERS, a t-shirt, and a cardigan today – no makeup, hair in a ponytail, no jewelry. It’s my first day to schlep to the office after a nasty stomach bug, and I’m not the only minister on staff, so I just KNEW that I could close my door, do a little work, then crawl back to my bed.
Alas, the head of our ladies’ Bible study dropped by to find out what I’m speaking on in April, and I was completely unpresentable. Your word is gospel, PeaceBang!
I have made penance with a small donation and a vow to never let this happen again. May your words go forth into all the earth! P.S. I really love your blog.
As I wrote back to Ellen, “OH HONEY, we’ve all done it!”
Isn’t that the sign of a committed pastor, though, that she has just dragged herself from Barf Land to the church to get some work done, and she’s concerned about looking presentable?
AND SO SHE SHOULD.
It’s discomfiting to see one’s minister looking like schlubby death warmed over, and so I told Ellen that I would come up with a little short list of things we can attend to before leaving the house, no matter how crumster we feel.
1. Wash the face and make sure you don’t have any ickiness around your eyes, nose or mouth. Boys and girls, really, this is basic. No one needs to see greasy, shiny skin or dead flakes. GROSS! I can’t believe I even have to say this to adults! But really. And guys, that means you too. I just spent some time talking to a young minister whose blackheads could have had their own zip code, and that’s not okay. It’s disgusting and distracting. Wash up, put on some cream blush if you’re a gal (every woman should own a rosy cream blush unless she has super oily skin – it’s an instant brightener), lip balm for everyone (again, gross! But why did I spend the other day in conversation with a man whose lips were flaking off!? Look in the mirror, guys!!), brush your eyebrows up.
2. Brush and fluff the hair. You may not have time or energy to shampoo (remember Frances McDormand’s wonderful character in “Friends With Money” who was so cranky and perimenopausal that she lacked the energy to even wash her hair? “My arms get tired,” she said). We all have days like that. Just do your best to get it neatly off your face. Dry shampoo can’t hurt, either (check the archives for suggested brands: I like Oscar Blandi).
3. Dress in one color family. Here’s a big, free tip for you darlings: The minute you break up your body into chunks of color, you lose elegance, line and harmony. White sneakers, blue jeans, red tshirt, blue cardigan = de facto frumpy and sloppy. Black sneakers, black pants, grey shirt, black cardie = far more sophisticated, same level of comfort. Stick with neutrals (not tans or beiges when you’re sick unless you want to look positively cadaverous, no matter what color your skin). Keep the eye moving in a line from head to toe, and make sure your garments fit. This trick doesn’t work if your clothes are huge, floppy, ripped, stained or missing buttons. P.S. Yes, we can see those stains on your black shirt.
4. DON’T WEAR SNEAKERS. Put on a pair of boots or shoes and you will instantly feel 100% more appropriate for the office.
To review, my friends, make sure your hair and face look clean and polished as can be, given the circumstances, dress in one color head to toe, and leave the sneakers for the gym. If you do these things, you will at least assure that the Bible Study Lady will not leave the church office, go home, get on the phone and start a rumor that pastor has a bad case of bubonic plague.
P.S. If you get caught at the office having just come from the gym in yoga pants, sneakers and greasy hair in a ponytail, simply apologize. “Ooops, you caught me. My apologies for my appearace but I’ve just been to the gym. It’s so good to see you, won’t you come in and chat for a minute?”
May I be so bold as to add to your list for women? Here’s my suggestion – mascara. Instantly opens up your eyes and adds a little life to your face. I do not leave home without a quick application. [Lord knows I’m all for it, but I have found that non make-up wearers often botch it. I should have said lipstick, though. Dang. – PB]
Hi, Peacebang. May I add a dry shampoo brand rec? I was hopelessly addicted to one of the expensive brands until I noticed that Suave now makes a dry shampoo. It works well, it’s easy to find at any drugstore, and it’s under 3 bucks a pop! The scent is kind of “beachy” but it wears off after a little while. It’s the perfect pick-me-up for my fine, oily hair when it’s looking limp by 5pm and I still have a vestry meeting to lead! [Great! I will look for it! – PB]
I 2nd the recommendation for Suave dry shampoo – cheap and it works. In fact, I often use it in my clean hair to give it more body and texture.
Speaking of going to the gym, I am having a terrible time fitting in some exercise what with a new job, long commute, 5-year-old child, husband who expects to see me….can you recommend looks that would lend themselves either to some yoga or a brisk walk and still look professional? I sometimes have a little time in the middle of the day to do something not too sweaty but not in the morning or evening. Yet, I cannot then re-do hair, makeup, etc.
Hmm… is it really not okay for ministers to look like schlubby death warmed over after they’ve been sick? (or even while they’re still getting over being sick?).
I’m not a minister, but I’ve never minded our female minister dressing a varying levels of formality and put-together-ness depending on what she’s doing and how well she is. I would be more inclined to encourage said minister to go back to bed rather than go to the effort of trying to look well when they’re not.
The exception would be leading a worship service or some other formalish event – if they absoltuely have to drag themselves out to do it then they should try to look the best they can so as not to distract folks from worship.
That’s my two cents… but I do think it’s important to leave room for ministers to be human. What message does it send if the minister can’t relax a bit sometimes around her congregation? “I’m perfect all the time – so you can’t be imperfect with me!” It could be a bit intimidating, having a perfectly put-together minister. Also, I do think it’s important for ministers to model self-care.
Feel free to ignore if I’m mis-interpreting… 🙂