Beauty Tips for Ministers

Easy ‘Do

On days when your hair just won’t do ANYTHING, even if you used volumizing shampoo, conditioner AND GEL AND PASTE FOR GOD’S SAKE, I like to roll it on the sides a bit (I look like a huge geek in these photos but it’s In Your Service, darlings, so I will not be embarrassed!) and clip it in with little clampy-clips.

(geek!)

It gets it off my face for preaching.

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She Wants to Go Devil Red Head!

Now WAIT a minute here! Wasn’t the Chocolate Fairy supposed to visit me today? Or at least the Pizza Fairy? Where are they already? I’m here at my desk with nothing but a green apple Jolly Rancher candy to nourish me as I sermonate. Whoa is me. Before I sneak downstairs for some lunch, I thought I’d post this conversation I had with another reader named Sarah way back in December. There was a time that I had five or six e-mails from readers who were ALL named Sarah and I thought for a moment that it was one extremely insecure minister! It’s all straightened out now, all the Sarahs, but their inquiries were interesting and I’m finally getting around to posting them.

Sarah wrote,

There’s something I have been contemplating for a long time. I absolutely love red hair. I would like to dye my hair red. My family has red hair genes but I wasn’t blessed with them. However, I do have fair skin and people have remarked that I would look good with red hair. In fact, some people sometimes describe me as having red/auburn hair.

In the meantime, I have started seminary and the candidacy process within my denomination. My faith tradition is not one that discourages make-up/adornment. As a seminarian and new religious leader, I am very aware of the amount of attention paid to what I do. If I dye my hair,will this be perceived negatively? Will this be perceived as a silly immature thing to do, especially since my hair isn’t yet graying/going white? I want to dye it with henna, and since my nature hair color is a light brown, I think it would be an auburn color and would match my skin tone. I want to be within that acceptable range of being fashionable yet not too racy and conservative yet not frumpy. What do you think about this?

PeaceBang respondeth:

Hi hon,

1. Do NOT dye with henna. It’s not good for your hair. Contrary to its image as the crunchy-natural way to color your hair, it is incredibly harsh and the color winds up garish. It is also impossible to correct it once the damage is done. You have to wait for that sucker to grow out. I started dying my hair red at the age of 17 and began with henna. Nice to meet you, Ronald McDonald! Big mistake and one I never repeated.

2. I would to to a professional the first time. Budget and go to someone good. Only that way can you guarantee good results (in that, if you hate it, they’ll fix it).

3. Red hair has a lot of baggage with it, seriously. That’s why it’s so important to get it right. God forbid you wind up with some mahogany or cherry-shaded nightmare. If you already have auburn highlights, a good colorist will be able to emphasize those and slowly work you into more vibrant shades if you want to do that.

4. Reds fade very easily. Start looking at L’Oreal products in the store to find a shade that you like and aspire to. Take these to a colorist and say “Listen, I don’t foresee being able to afford getting my hair professionally colored every time I need it. Can you get me as close to this color as possible so that I can eventually do touch-ups on my own?” In this economy, no stylist will be shocked to hear this. If you say it nicely and give them the impression that you’ll be a return client every 4-5 months, I imagine they’ll be happy to accommodate your wishes.

5. Consider this an opportunity to have a conversation with your mentors and ministerial formation committees. You’re in the formation process, and part of that formation is figuring out how to make changes you’d like to make to your appearance and feel confident that they’re the right ones for your professional context. I change my hair color frequently — not because I necessarily WANT to, but because the colorist doesn’t get it quite right or I don’t get it quite right, and sometimes I make disastrous changes. When my color looks garish, I make wry comments to a few people and let it go. On one hand, I want the congregation to know that I don’t think violet-red hair is appropriate for a minister. On the other hand, what am I going to do, stay home until it fades? You have to move on. Same thing with a bad clothing choice. Find a safety pin, wear a scarf strategically, make a funny comment, and move on.

6. I think effort counts for a lot. If we’re at a period in our lives where we can’t, for some reason, look as polished or together as we would like to (the reasons might be as varied as terrible haircut, suffering depression/divorce, pregnancy, weight gain, illness), showing up as together as we can manage to look counts for a lot. People understand that we are not celebrities with personal stylists and huge budgets. We are public leaders who are expected to have a deep interior life as well as a charismatic, relational aspect. We have a day that might include intense study, writing, counseling, volunteer development, staff supervision, public speaking, rites of passage or social witness. That’s a lot of transitioning between roles and skill sets, not to mention professional expectations. If it seems more energizing and exciting to you to have red hair to bring to everything you do, it’s important for you to know that. It sounds silly but who cares? I myself have light brown hair with some grey and wouldn’t feel right without auburn or red hair. It’s a relatively minor adjustment to make to my appearance and makes me feel good. I’m glad it’s not the medieval era where red hair was associated with witchcraft. And I’m glad I’m not in a conservative denomination that frowns on women adorning themselves with hair color and make-up.

Sarah responded that she would think on it some more. It’s March now, Sarah, what have you decided?

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Splitting Nails

Oh no! She hath raggedy paws!! And she writes to PB:

Dear PeaceBang,

I need your help! You can normally solve all beauty problems with such wit and wisdom and clarity of thought, so help me please!

All of a sudden my once lovely nails are all splitting, peeling and brittle. I’ve tried the usual things, wearing washing up gloves when doing the dishes, hand creams , keeping them short and using a buffer on them etc… Nothing seems to be working that well, but they are shinier than usual!

I’d read that nail varnish remover is not good for the long term health of the nail, so I’ve cut back on my nail colour matching my outfit!

Any ideas? I’m extra aware of the look of my nails and in ministry we use our hands a lot!

Any help you can give would be appreciated….thanks.

Shalom,
L.

Now, L., flattery will get you nowhere, darling, although you know I lap it up with great delight! But what is up with the nails, I wonder? Is this part of the whole Wonderful Menopause thing, perhaps? I would certainly say that avoiding all formaldehyde and acetone-based nail products is very important and for the time being, all products.

I’m just guessing here, but I wonder if your nails aren’t just rebelling against usual products inflicted upon them for year after year, just as happened to my lips a few summers ago when they cracked and peeled if I used any lipstick at all. Nail polish and remover are very toxic products, and you may want to seek out formulas by purveyors of natural cosmetics (a Google search should help, as will the comments and suggestions I feel certain will come from my wonderful readers).

Looks like Barielle makes such a line.

A daily supplement of Biotin (available at your local drugstore) may also help, and it will do nice things for your hair, too. Make sure to check with your doc before you start popping anything, though. And it wouldn’t hurt to ask if any drugs you’re currently taking might be causing the nail splitting.

Good luck, dear, and here’s hoping that your hands are looking as lovely as you want them to soon. The good thing about nails is that they do grow, and yours may just need a few months of growth to get stronger.

And remember, it could be worse. You could have THESE nails:

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Depilation for the Ladies : aka Girl ‘Stache Removal

Good morning, class!! Today we will be talking about that moment when a woman looks in the mirror as she’s washing her face and says to herself, “OH MY GOD, DO I HAVE A MOUSTACHE!!!!!!!?”
PeaceBang has received a letter from one such woman. Read on:

Hi, so in the first place I love your blog, the energy and the theology of valuing bodies that shines through every word. Thanks for all you do. And here’s the embarrassing question – as a 50-something [pastor], I usually feel pretty good about my style at work, but lately I’ve been noticing this kind of freaky mustache that is making its home on my upper lip. Soft hair, but darker than I would like. I know it’s one of those things that comes with aging, but I’m pretty confused about the remedy. I honestly don’t want to be hanging around my [parishioners] in a mustache, but I don’t know anything about the options – I hear vague things about bleaching, waxing, etc., and it just leaves me confused (I’ve never done anything but pluck a few stray eyebrows, either, so I’m not used to this). I know you are way too young to have to worry about this, but you seem to have the secret knowledge about these things. Thanks!

Ah, Grasshoppah.
Nothing to be embarrassed about!! I think it is wonderful that you are willing to do something about the ’stache, which I think is unattractive and can be distracting as well. More than anything, I think that a dark ’stache makes the upper lip look dirty. I have more than once had to stop myself from saying to a woman, “You’ve got something smudged on your upper li….ooops. No, nothing. I didn’t say anything!”

Being a fair-haired and skinned woman in my extended family of olive-skinned and ebony-tressed Jewish beauties, I knew about the magic of Jolen cream bleach before I hit puberty. I don’t think I ever opened the medicine cabinet of any of my cousins without seeing the trusty aqua box:

Jolen creme bleach (pronounced Joe-leen) is cheap, it works and it’s a good product. Yes, it will sting a bit (nothing that lightens dark hair won’t sting). You should be careful to use the correct measurements of activating powder to cream. Run a washcloth under very cold water and press it to your upper lip after you have rinsed the product off well. Repeat until redness and swelling go down (it will only last a few minutes). Do the patch test on your arm or other unobtrusive place.

Sally Hansen makes an excellent cream hair REMOVAL (not dye — their dyeing product actually doesn’t work at all, according to on-line reviewers). I have used Sally Hansen Brush-On Hair Removalin the past and although the smell is yucky, it works very well:

Again, do a patch test and use the cold washcloth on the upper lip after the treatment. Do NOT rub ice on your face, as that is too harsh and can freeze the skin. Do not rub the cloth on the skin, just gently hold it there, patting a bit. You may choose to follow with a bit of aloe vera gel if it works for you (a surprising number of people are actually allergic to aloe vera gel!).

I have a little blunt edged pair of sharp scissors that I keep in my medicine cabinet for de-’staching. The light in the bathroom is the best, I can get up real close to the mirror, and I just snip it all off. My hair is very light, though, so you may want to go with waxing or bleaching.

Another option is to get a $10 wax job at a local salon — make sure they have a certified aesthetician on staff, and don’t plan to get it done immediately before an important event in case you get a bit of redness. Don’t let a manicurist at a nail salon do it, even if it’s cheaper. Insist on a licensed professional.

Do NOT pluck and do NOT shave!!

Many women have hairy upper lips all their lives, but facial hair growth is incredibly common when we hit the menopausal years. Just another fun detail about hormonal changes no one ever tells us about!!
Let’s all join in a chorus of “I Enjoy Being a Girl!!”
Next Chapter: “Tweezing Chin Hairs For Fun And Profit.” (Confession: I keep a tweezers in my car! I find that the light in the rearview mirror is amazing and I always spot Frightening Whiskers on my way to some event. Talk about keeping a girl humble! Just when you think you’re all dolled up with every hair in place…)

Thanks for writing, dearie!
Kiss of peace!! xxxoo

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Curly Girl Update

One of you asked me recently in the comments how my Adventures in Curly Hair were going. I replied that they are challenging. I think that my hair has looked a downright mess on many a Sunday morning because of my attempts throughout the cold weather to keep the curl going without the requisite humidity. I have not felt good about it: frizzy, in my face, not staying back neatly in clips, etc. I bought heavy, delicately blinged-out claw clips for Christmas Eve and they were so heavy that my hair fell down.

Having just traveled to humid Florida and seen how much easier it is to Obey the Wave there, I am giving up on Obeying the Wave during the New England winter. A photo diary:

This type of clip really helps set my damp hair (and I use Deva Curl Light Defining Gel) — no other kind does. I get them at ULTA for $3 or so.

The beautiful West Palm Beach Holiday Inn Shuttle. Curly hair. Voila.

Curls abandoned back in cold Merry Newe Englande, this is a fast blow-out done with a vent brush. I used a bit of volumizing mousse. Date night make-up. Wicked bad photo angle for sunburned schnoz.

Two days later with no shampoo, a bit of curl has returned. I hold the bangs off my face with a small bobby-pin and am ready for church.

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M. Has Her Say on Hair

M. wrote in today to say,

Following the theme of the WNTW comments, I have been thinking about ways to put up my long hair. I just succeeded in tying my hair in knots trying to follow some of the instruction in the comments of your previous post about long hair. I’ll keep working on it, because my version of a “low ponytail” does not generally fit the bill as elegant. I thought I would share this photo from the wedding of a friend. I had my hair done professionally for the event, for only the second time in my life. The picture is not the best, but I think you can see the general idea. The bottom part is tucked under and a broad band of hair in the middle is swept over. The doo was a “bit much,” but fun for the occasion. I thought it fit the bill of professional and pretty. It felt like a party when I took of the jacket and scarf and changed my shoes. I had one young lady tell me “Now, that is much better,” when I entered the reception without the jacket. Imagine the implication that I should serve communion clad in a cocktail dress? Some people don’t get it.

That is an elegant and sleek updo. Yes, it’s formal and a “bit much” but hey, who wouldn’t prefer this over bedraggled locks that so many of us inflict upon the beloved community? Makes me darn near want to buy a wig, yo. I am SO tired of my intermediate curly/wavy/short/medium-length/cowlicky/dry/frizzy mop. Ptoo! I love this ladylike look for this occasion. And how awfully nice to have to worry a bit about your hair for the whole day, eh?

M. and I live close to each other and we think that we may have SEEN EACH OTHER AT THE LOCAL WHOLE FOODS. There may be a COFFEE DATE pending. I LOVE meeting my pigeons in real life! It’s always a total delight! So if you do see me, never hesitate to holla!

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