The wheel of the year turns, and we stand on the brink of 2011. Hard to believe, isn’t it?
I feel very happy of late, very peaceful, just plain good. I’ve had a quiet post-Christmas week with lots of beagle and cat snuggling, lots of reading, existing mostly on popcorn and fried egg sandwiches and unsweetened apple sauce. I don’t worry about it. It’s nice to be at the age to not fret that I’m not eating my vegetables (okay, I do fret, but I know I’ll be back to sauteeing spinach soon enough). I’m looking 45 years old in the eye (January 14th) and that seems like a bit of a milestone. Definitely middle-aged but still five whole years left until I turn 50? How interesting. What shall these years bring? What do I want them to bring?
I have been so focused on the world’s troubles and spiritual ills lately that I haven’t thought that much about my own personal goals. God has always laughed at my plans and pulled me along in unexpected directions anyway, so I’ve learned to listen and obey more than to plot and schedule. I am working with a vocational coach from the Alban Institute right now — a huge investment but something I wanted to do as I completed my doctoral degree (DMin) to do some discernment about where I’ve been and where I’m going. It has clarified for me what I am doing with this public ministry of blogging and social media, for which I am very grateful. It has given me non-academic homework to do and that’s also very interesting and illuminating.
In the spirit of simplifying life and having fair expectation, I’m going to try to limit myself to one new year resolution this year. I can express that resolution in two words:
MORE MAGIC.
More respect for intuition, which has never failed me. By the time I turn 50 I would love to have achieved the level of self-trust which would allow me to stop being shocked out of my mind when my gut instincts are validated yet again.
More tuning out the noise of the world and tuning in the voice of God. The trees, the moon, the wind, Scripture (which has plenty of static but Wisdom comes through loud and clear if I but harken), the vibrations I get in my body when someone needs me, or when someone is lying to me, or when love is making itself known in community. When prayer is authentic.
More art, color, ocean walks, flowers, garden. Less Wal-Mart, grocery store, pavement.
More side roads, less highway.
When I went to defend my dissertation one of the professors said to me, “You know, what struck me as I was reading this was that you’re really a mystic.”
I’m sure the look on my face was very entertaining. Remember in the Peanuts cartoons when Snoopy would get that scribble in his cartoon bubble that indicated that he was totally confused? I had the Snoopy scribble.
I went home and re-read the paper with an eye for mysticism. It was basically on every page: a proclamation of the living God, the reality of the Holy Spirit moving and changing our lives and congregations, reliance on intuition and direct experience of God’s presence among us… oh, I was just embarrassed when I realized it. Why embarrassed? I don’t know. I think it was that I had written this paper with my slip showing the whole time, if you know what I mean. I’m a UNITARIAN, friends. We’re heirs of the Enlightenment, we’re rationalists, we’re self-consciously (and often obnoxiously) brainy and critical, and we are definitely critical thinkers. But we’re also inclusive enough to include a mystical Christian Witch like me, with Jewish ancestry, New England Transcendentalist leanings, a Jungian orientation, and deep reverence for the ancient gods of comedy and tragedy.
I have been a magical person since I was a tiny child and I remember sitting in an empty room listening to the dust motes that came into the room on the sunbeam through the window. I must have been around three and a half, because I don’t think my little brother had been born yet. In fact, I may have been “playing” in his empty nursery. My mother came to find me, somewhat startled to realize that she hadn’t seen me or heard me make a noise in awhile. I was sitting listening to the dust motes or the sunbeam. It is one of my first memories. My mother stood in the doorway and said something like, “You are such a good girl to play so quietly by yourself.” I remember thinking, “I’m not really a good girl, this is just what I like to do.”
My darling pigeons. Be free in the new year. Let nothing scare you away from your deep truth. Be of good health and may God bless you abundantly. Laugh a lot. Feast and give generously. Love unreservedly but shake the dust off your sandals and move on where your love cannot be accepted or respected. May the Spirit of Wisdom guide you in all things. And remember to moisturize.
Would love to hear your own resolutions if you care to share them. You can also e-mail them to me by clicking on the “Need PeaceBang’s Help?” button. If you do that, send a photo, too, and I’ll share some of them as separate posts with your own by-line and photo. If you want to share anonymously, that’s fine too!
[The sword is a symbol in the Tarot tradition of air and of intellect – and yes, it can represent conflict. I embrace it as the sword that cuts through the b.s.! – PB]
Wonderful post – thank you for it. Don’t know yet about my resolution(s), if any, though you’ve nudged me to think about it. And I love the Snoopy scribble!
I just have to add that, from my perspective of turning-63-tomorrow, you are doing jes’ fine at 45!
I’ve resolved to listen to more music. To really listen. As an academic, my work life tends to revolve around words–reading, writing, discussing–and I often bring my work home with me. Listening to music every day will bring me, I think, in touch with another part of my being. There are frequent musical performances–concerts and recitals–at the school where I teach, so I am imagining that attending some of them will bring me into contact with another group of people too.
Happy new year! What a great journey of discovery of what it is to be a mystic, Unitarian, pet loving, creative, fried egg sandwich eating, sharing and caring and so much more person! I went to seminary when I was 42 and was called by a church at age 45, and the journey of discovery of myself at that age was amazing. Whatever opportunity presents itself, Do it!!! Because the future and aging are nothing to fear for those who keep on discovering things about themselves and their world. In my 50’s I’ve lost the whole older generation of my family…and learned how precious every minute really is. At this time last year I had no idea of the things that would happen and rock my world in 2010. And thinking back over the year, I wish I had the day to day perspective on the processes that have shaped me in profuond ways. So in the spirit of resolutions, in 2011 I’m resolving to record my joys and sorrows every day in a journal–just a quick entry since I am a terrible journalkeeper–and to get more sleep every night, like 7.5 hours. Sounds do-able, yes? We shall see.
I never make New Year’s Resolutions because I believe that self-improvement is a year-round task, and shouldn’t only be started on Jan 1. That said, my latest self-improvement task is to be less judgemental; of myself and others. It holds me back.
Right on about the intuition! My gut feeling is never wrong, and I swear sometimes I am psychic. Twice when I had bought tickets to a raffle, I heard this small voice inside my head say to me, “you are going to win”, and seconds later, my number was called. The first time I brushed it off, but the second time made me pay attention. It’s definitely something I’m giving more creedance to now.
Getting back into my exercise routine. Over the past month I have been telecommuting & nursing back to health a child who had surgery, I went to the gym today & had deconditioned a bit which bothers me.
My intentions for this year are in the form of prayer:
May this be a year of prayerful reflection and introspection.
May this be a year of good health, nutrition, exercise and medical care.
May this be a year of modest improvement in organizing and filing.
May this be a year of creative, imaginative and passionate writing that connects with others.
May this be a year of rest, peace and well-being.
May this be a year of renewal of mind, body, soul and relationship.
May it be so. כן ×™×”×™ רצן. May it be God’s will.
Amen.
My dear, dear PeaceBanG!
Thank you for this.
I have just left the church secretary day job that became painfully stifling. The move was (of course!) preceded by months of asking questions of myself and God, fearing that I was being irresponsible in the guise of being creative, fear of Bills, and the like. But I did it. And I did it well, and responsibly, and even without being petty to the boss! (Yay!)
MORE MAGIC could very well be my own mantra for this new year and this new step. WHEN I will be stitching for a living. SO maybe lady-style clergy shirts should be one of my offerings very soon!!
I am ridiculously grateful for you in my life!!! Blessings!
“More Magic” is a wonderful thing to listen for.
For me, this year I want to continue the progress I have been making toward doing what I need to do for myself, without worrying about how it looks or sounds to others. Just this morning, I read this: “Not everyone will be happy with your choices but it’s you who must find peace of mind.”
By the way, I love the image at the top of your post. Is that a tapestry? It’s beautiful!
My resolution is pedestrian – to take better care of my self. Diet, exercise, time out for things I love to do but don’t do daily, time with God.
December 31st came round and shocked me with the knowledge that I have been waiting for first call for 7 months now. My husband and son have learned to get on with life while waiting for a move that will upheave everything. I ,however, have been just waiting – grieving – while life is passing me by. I have the time to make my self over – to cultivate habits of self-care that will serve me well once I have a call.
This is somewhat a confession/resolution. I turn 50 in April and I don’t want to be a tv-watching log! (Ironically, all those commericals showing fit active 60-somethings are motivating me! So I guess the TV did some good!)
The time for depression and mourning is over. It’s time to see the wonders God has for me each day!
I thought about resolutions for this year and decided that first I should think about learnings from last year. I had a number of health problems to deal with, and learned that “babying” my body through inactivity (because of pain after surgery) led to problems with my feet and legs.
I learned that when you are in pain, doing exercises but taking it very very easy is much better for me, building my way up to a better state of fitness and regular exercise. This now seems obvious, but there seems a state of all “on” or “off” that really isn’t good for anyone. Keep on, do it gently, you are better off for the long run.
So my resolution for next year is to remember and practise what I learned this year. Be gentle, but keep doing activities that keep you healthy.
What a lovely post. Rather than a Pigeon, could I be an Eagle, or even a Dove? Quail? Well… anyway, this post gave me much to contemplate, in a good way. [Hi Hunde! “Powder Pigeon (from Pouter Pigeon, the actual bird) is a quote from my favorite all-time movie, “The Producers.” I have used it as a term of affection for my readers since I began blogging. But you are free to be a robin or a raven or a dove or a chickadee or whatever else you like! – PB]
Oh I played with dust motes as a child too! I never called them motes (or specks) but imagined they were tiny fairies or other creatures playing in the sunlight. I have a very vivid memory of spending time just sitting and watching them float down the rays in my bedroom.
So many people resolve to change. Rather than resolving, I am hoping and striving not to change:
1. My employment: I want to be employed full-time at the place where I am currently temping.
2. My music: I want to continue singing with Back Bay Chorale. (Shameless plug: Rachmaninoff’s Vespers coming in March!)
3. My relationships: I want to continue to provide for my spouse in many ways so that he will be enabled to pursue master’s studies. I want to continue to seek peace regarding my family of origin, which is still contorted from abuse that began four generations ago.
4. My health: If I am enabled financially, I want to return to Curves and/or the dance floor/ ballet barre. This is not a change, but a return to who I’ve always been… I feel my roots when I plie.
your post was a gift to me this evening. I set aside the presentation I was working on to read about fashion-y stuff and came away reminded that my gut is right, that I need to follow my instinct and not have it clouded by the naysayers around me. Tomorrow I stand in front of 80 odd church members to talk about opening the purse strings and giving away upwards of $90k to do God’s work in the world. When I began work on this project I was excited at the prospect but weeks of meetings with the worrywarts who want to hold on to the money has made me tense and crabby, even though I KNOW it is the right thing to do. you helped me remember that, so hopefully I can calmly listen to them and continue to do what I know to be right.
my goals/resolutions are pretty much what they are every year — to acknowledge and embrace grace by loving care for my self (or rather, caring lovingly for myself) — I also want to commit to doing something that will open me to artistic creativity at least once a month – a trip to the museum, a concert, a gallery…
wonderful, wonderful post!
Instead of a resolution, I do a theme. I pick a word or a phrase, post it around, and mull it over and then do what comes up associated with it.
This year my theme is:
“streamline”
Perhaps this is the year I will find the surface of my desk!
Magic, I like that!
For me, the theme of 2010 was thankfulness. It did me a whole lot of good!
This year’s theme is Scripture. I want to read through the whole Bible systematically and also to learn memory verses together with my 9-year old daughter.
By the way, I’d be interested to read your dissertation. Is it available anywhere?
Have a magical 2011!
My motto for this time, rather like more magic, is in fact, More Joy.
And my resolution is to buy more art, supporting my local friends, many of whom make art; instead of buying gifts, etc, at target. I’ll continue to buy toilet paper & shampoo at target, but I’m trying to buy local when it comes to special things.
Beautiful, PeaceBang. My question — how can I get ahold of your dissertation? I REALLY want to read it as you sound as though you and I are much on the same page.