My darlings!
I was reminded by viewing a photo of one of you fresh-faced newbies to tell you:
Please don’t wear a fluffy cheerleader ponytail with clericals. It’s just wrong.
In the photo I am thinking of, the immaturity of the young female pastor’s image is compounded by the fact that she’s wearing a very form-fitting clergy shirt and has a large bosom. The problem is aesthetic and professional: by pulling all her hair back, all we see is her chest coming at us, which is frankly distracting. Her big, shiny, enthusiastic face and ponytail communicate youth and joy, but her tight shirt communicates a desperation to be known as a sexual person as well as a religious person. I, for one, don’t appreciate the insistence. It’s distracting and it projects uncertainty and insecurity. Not a good combo.
Let me say it once again, young ‘uns: too many of you are dressing inappropriately. Your boobs are all over the place in tight or low-cut tops and terrible bras, your skirts are too tight and short, and you look sloppy and immature. Could this be you? I chastise because I love! Also because I struggle with the same issues!
Take a good look in the mirror, look within and ask yourself, “What am I REALLY trying to say with these clothes? What REALLY was my goal when I bought that skirt? To show off my awesome pins, or to look beautiful and professional in my church work? Did I bend over in the skirt before I bought it? Squat down? Consider that it might shrink when I laundered it? What comes first when I decide on an outfit in the morning: how hot or cute I look, what a stylin’ mama I want people to see me as, or my responsibility to represent the church and the ministry in as beautiful, awesome and impressive a fashion as I can afford?”
This is just so SO so hard! Unless I wear a collar–which I often don’t these days–I feel like there is no middle ground between floozy and dumpy.
I have been noticing and women struggle with this so much more than men do! Even with a “uniform”, it is hard.
I had a meeting at work today and I wore a knee length wrap dress–v neck but not cleavage-y, not to tight–and hose and shoes and I felt totally overdressed. So do I have to wear black pants and a sweater set like everyone else? I like dresses.
Suddenly, without the collar (and after gratefully losing some weight) this is hard again.
[What was the meeting? Did you like your outfit? Does it matter that you were overdressed? Who sets the rules, anyway? Do you care? If you do, maybe the wrap dress with a pair of relaxed sandals might have suited the occasion a bit better? And you don’t really believe that you have no option but to wear sweater sets and slacks, do you? You just wanted to whine a little bit, didn’t you? Well that’s okay, kid, because we GET TO WHINE HERE! But just a little bit. 😉 – PB]
I think I just needed to whine a bit. Thanks for the outlet! Working in a hospital you can’t do sandals unfortunately. Perhaps a lower heel would have been more safe feeling.
I LOVED my outfit and still do and will wear it again unapologetically. For women clergy to dress like women is so rebellious! I just have to (re)embrace the inner rebel that I’ve squirreled away in the back of my mini-van 😉
One more thing, actually on the topic of the post. Everyone reading this should go immediately to the nice lady at the dept. store to get fitted for a bra and spend what seems like a million dollars on one basic, go with everything bra that really fits. THEN, and only then, go buy shirts to go over top. They can come from anywhere. The difference is amazing, seriously–and your back will feel much better.
I think Peacebang needs a tag for “boobs.”
I was hoping for a picture of a cheerleader ponytail! I even once used my old pom poms in a sermon. (But I had my hair cut short in a bob by then…)
I know, I do need a “boobs” archive.
Will it be called that? Please. Or possibly “bazooms”.
I think BAZOOMS would indeed be in better keeping with the PB tradition.
Ohmygosh – I am a convert to ‘the right bra makes the outfit’ brigade. I got fitted last winter, and after a few days of feeling like I couldn’t breathe (it took some time to get used to having the girls up where they are supposed to be! 😉 ), I was amazed at how much better I looked and how much better I felt! I kept a couple of the old sloppy bras for scrungy around-the-house jobs. I put one one last week and couldn’t even bring myself to wear it because I could see how horrible it fit!
So, I echo Peacebang, go out RIGHT NOW and get fitted for a bra and pay the ridiculous price for a good bra that fits. It’s the best clothing investment I’ve made in years.
On another note, the whole bazooms in the face is an issue I have struggled with for years, being generously blest in that area. One of the biggest problems I have with wearing a clerical is that there is this vast expanse of fabric from my neck down, which seems to emphasis my breast size (just like a turtleneck sweater does!). I have found that wearing a collarless, or slightly scooped, or square neckline solves the problem.
My ‘clerical’ solution is to wear a ‘janie’ under my regular dress clothes. I still get the effect from the scoop neckline. And I feel much better in my normal style than the whole blouse-skirt, or slacks-skirt combo. If I need a dress suit, I go for tailored suit jackets rather than the looser fitting ones – I feel more feminine in them and ironically the looser styles accentuate breast size!
PB, as a young professional who is buxom and doesn’t want to engage inadvertently in Festivals of Inappropriate Sharing, this is often on my mind. And I’m with you, madgebaby, it’s hard to walk the line between frumpy and HIDING the bazooms, and crossing over to something that might not be appropriate. And it’s hard to identify that line.
I think a before-after feature would be great– not necessarily a makeover, but a how-to and a NOT-how-to. I love it when you’re featuring great outfits and you show an example of one that’s just too far. “Look at these amazing pencil skirts! On sale! And look, dearies, this one is Just Too Short. Don’t go there.” “Love thes square neck tops; so flattering for us with cleavage. But oh, heavens, do not even think of a scoopneck this low.”
…really, you should just do a What Not To Wear for Clergy (since Clinton and Stacey didn’t do such a hot job). Young clergy, old clergy, male clergy, seminarian transferring into professional life (hello, lack of funds)…. I’d watch. Heck, I’d sign up. 😀
I have to join the get a bra that fits and spend some money on it band wagon – I only figured this out about 5 years ago and I swear the right bra made me lose 10 lb and 10 years. Yes. It makes THAT much difference.
Dear PB- THANK YOU!- I am less perturbed by my female colleagues having bosoms, even big ones, if they are supported appropriately- foundation germents are foundational- get good ones, that fit and are supportive-thank you- no more need be said. Nothing is more distracting to me when someone is in the pulpit.
For ones of us only more modestly endowed, is there the same strong endorsement for the importance of a high-qualtiy bra, fitted by a professional? If so, please say more.
I’m sorry bit this post just reeks of condescension. The entire tone reads like putting younger clergy in their place. PeaceBang, you want us to eliminate “little old ladies” from our vocabulary? “Young ‘uns” is no different — it discounts young adults clergy and laity alike. [James, I mentor and support younger colleagues on an almost daily basis. I have earned the right to affectionately refer to them as “young ‘uns” and to make strong suggestions as to how they can dress more appropriately. This is a generation coming of age in an incredibly sexualized fashion culture and they need the advice. This is also a generation known for their lack of interest in what authority figures have to say. Knowing that, I push my points a bit harder for them. The self-esteem movement didn’t do a lot of the young ‘uns any favors. I know that because I meet young seminarians all the time who feel quite obviously entitled to become ordained clergy and who bristle at any suggestions for improvement. Sometimes they do need to be put in their place. “Little old ladies” is not an apt description for esteemed elders. “Young ‘uns” is merely descriptive, and as I am obviously writing to clergy, your point about discounting laity is moot. But thanks for showing up to represent the very attitude that so concerns me about the young ‘uns. – PB]