Oh my dears,
We are in the midst of a heatwave here in New England and PeaceBang is letting her flabby arms out for all to see because seriously, at 100 degrees + it doesn’t matter what my mother always said about showing that particular real estate (she only said, “I would NEVER go sleeveless” and her face said the rest). I know my arms are excessively unattractive but I find that with the right cut of top (or dress, as I’m wearing today) and dim lighting, and if I don’t wave my arms around and keep them close to my side I can feel okay sleeveless. And please, pigeons, don’t bother writing with “Big is beautiful” or self-esteem comments because the fact is, although I heartily agree that big is beautiful, my upper arms are horrifying. All the cellulite that I miraculously don’t have on my thighs I have on my upper arms. I need to find a plastic surgeon who will do a cellulite transplant for me. After all, I’d love to wear sleeveless tops with impunity and would gladly move all the jiggle to my thighs, which no one ever sees.
IT’S HOT. I’m WHINING.
I CAN’T CONCENTRATE.
I have two funerals over the next few days and I so wish I had a sleeveless clerical shirt to wear under a jacket. I don’t. I just have a short sleeved one that I hate with a passion and almost never wear. Augh.
I’ll wear a comfortable cotton dress or skirt and put my lightest-weight robe over it for the church service on Saturday, but I fear that will look very out-of-place at the brief prayer service I am offering at the funeral home for a different person tomorrow. So for that I suppose it’s a black jacket and black pants (pants!? GLARGH) and black sandals with a nice heel. I’m glad my hair is long enough to pull back, as it gets sweaty through-and-through in five minutes outside. Speaking of which, I get a little self-conscious about the smell of damp, sweaty hair. I don’t mean to gross anyone out but there is no way I’m going to shampoo everyday, and I don’t wish to go about smelling like a 3-year old who just woke from a nap. That’s a smell only the mother of a toddler could love. I spray a very light cologne on my hair — do any of you have this issue?
So really, sweethearts, this was just a little excuse to moan and groan and try to type a coherent sentence or two before heading back upstairs to the inferno of my dissertation study to hack away at my thesis some more this evening. I have no energy for it so I try to generate some excitement by saying to myself, as if to a small child, “LET’S GO UPSTAIRS AND PLAY THEOLOGIAN! IF YOU DO IT FOR TWO HOURS YOU CAN HAVE COOKIES!”
Stay cool, pigeons. Drink lots of water and even more iced coffee. MWAH!
Kiss of peace, PB
I am SO RAD. I got this fake tattoo last week at the Brookfield Zoo in Illinois.
Poor PB! I feel your pain. Try being an Episcopal priest in Florida where you have to wear a collar every day. Nothing worse! At least you don’t have to wear pantyhose.
I did an interment a couple of summers ago in my friend’s family cemetery in the middle of a cow pasture, in August, in Alabama, in the middle of the afternoon, in full Anglican regalia of wool cassock, surplice, and tippet. I tried not to sweat, so as not to make them feel bad, but I couldn’t stop. I like to died. I think I drank about a gallon of water when I got in the house.
As for upper arms, yoga. I’m 59, and I have no chicken flaps whatsoever. And no, I am not a skinny minny.
Love the faux tattoo!
Here’s an idea: You hate that short sleeved clergy shirt anyway, so why don’t you take a pair of very sharp scissors and remove the sleeves. Just cut them off if you think you can stand to leave the jacket on. Or, if not, then cut them off about 1/4 inch from the armhole seams and turn them under with a little running stitch. This is a heat emergency, after all! Emergencies call for drastic measures.
Good idea, Cindy. [Indeed! – PB]
I feel for you, it has been cooler down here in Texas than up there. We’re at least equipped to deal with it! Big pitcher of sweet tea, lots of ice, a couple strategically placed fans, and then moan all you want. Cause really, once it its triple digits, it’s misery!
Cindy’s idea has merit, a lot of it!
I think Cindy has a great idea especially since you don’t like the short sleeved shirt anyway. Much cooler
PB – I’m feeling for you. It is even really hot – I mean REALLT hot here in Canada.
I’ve just had weight loss surgery – and 50 lbs later, I’ve developed “bat wings”… but I’m sleeveless today. (Mind you, I did go out with a little lace jacket over the sleevelessness to see the doctor today.)
Theo says Hi to Max…and Little One and Ashley send their feline regards to Ermingard.
Glad to know I am not the only one driven to distraction and whining by this heatwave. No office, and my condo could double as a greenhouse (and no, no a/c). I have been eating out and going to coffeeshops (and McD’s, sigh) but it’s not the same and …. whiiiiiiine. The parks – with shade and a breeze – aren’t so bad. Ah well. This too will pass, right?!?
Its not that hot in Wisconsin, only 85, but the humidity is awful. I swear today the AIR was sticking to me. I go sleeveless, and I am more like a flying squirrel 😉 but I don’t care. I figure I look better flabby than I would in sleeves and sweating.
I must check out yoga!
I feel it, too. I’m training for a tri and my coach insisted I put on my big girl panties and go out and workout like the hardcore people.
Long hair can be handy- when mine was long, on the hothothot days when I HAD to work outside (for funerals), I used to braid it, tuck the tail under, and stuff ice cubes up the bottom of the braid (and bobby pin it back together) just before heading out. It works like a charm as far as your head goes.
I’ve solved the hair problem by shaving my head. No hair, no problem.
By the way, I noticed at GA there were hardly any other men with shaved heads. I believe Unitarian Universalists are, by and large, a hairy people. Would you agree?
I don’t wash my hair every day either – too drying. Tresemme has a new product I’m using called FreshStart – it’s a hair mist that removes odor and does other lovely things to your hair. You may like it for your sweaty hair issue!
Okay, wait — if you put ice in your hair doesn’t it just melt all over you? @ John, yes, and I think we should add a verse to the hymn… “We are a large and hairy people, and we are shaving, shaving for our li-i-ives…”
@Gina, thanks for the tip!
And thanks for the idea of cutting off the sleeves on the clerical shirt! Will do!
Do you have a black skirt you could wear instead of the pants? I found a knee-length black linen skirt at the Gap a few months ago that (I think) with the right jacket and sandals would be appropriate for memorial during a HEATWAVE.
Hi PB,
Thanks for your entertaining blog, very cheering to hear about your heatwave while we’re in the middle of a dank winter in New Zealand.
Anyhoo – on to the important topic of hair products…
I like Batiste Dry Shampoo for when I need to wash my hair but can’t be bothered… Here’s a link: http://batistedryshampoo.co.uk/
Thanks heaps and God bless,
EJ
Photos?
I do share your pain. I´m about to do a wedding on Saturday. Indoors, as my tradition doesn´t allow outdoor weddings.
And I´m melting by the shere thought of my gown, made from at least 6m of solid woolen fabric.
But I´m looking forward to wearing my bright yellow dress afterwards for the reception. Thinking about it should keep me going for the service. And then: Strip the gown off and get changed.
It´s just a little mental exercise. 😉
For the suit at the funeral home– do you have a skirt to wear with it? Would just-past-knee length skirt, jacket, and black sandals be appropriate, given the weather?? I don’t wear my suit often (ahhh, thank goodness for a business casual office!), but it is a three piece (jacket, pants & skirt), and I am very grateful.
Usually all summer long I complain about my office because the air conditioning is set to a frigid 65 degrees (or something like it), but these past few days I’ve been SO thankful for the eight hours in the cool. Stay cool, everyone! Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
Do you have this product in the US?
http://batistedryshampoo.co.uk/
Dry shampoo does the trick when you hair is all sweaty, it comes in perfumed varieties and makes the hair look less greasy when its been brushed out. I thought it was the territory of just little old ladies but it works a treat, and is fab when you are too rushed to wash your hair!
I confess, I too, have given up — at least the jiggle in my arms provides some breeze. And the hair is back in a stretchy head band because I didn’t have a scarf that goes with my coolest dress.
Brookfield Zoo…one of my family’s favorite places.. we go all the time.
Cindy’s idea is dead on. If you’re comfortable with needle and thread, cut the shoulders of the shirt back so that they don’t extend beyond the clavicle. This eliminates shoulder bunching and makes a good line if you want to remove your jacket. [I’m the daughter of a woman who used to staple our pants legs up because she couldn’t hem. That’s exactly how proficient I am with a needle and thread. I take after my mom. She once hemmed a pair of my brother’s graduation pants using centimeters on one leg and inches on the other. – PB]
It’s hot here, 90+ but not as bad as you all on the East Coast.
In the hot summer, I have a cotton black jumper that I wear over my short sleeve clergy shirt. I can put my linen black jacket over it. I take the jacket off as soon as I can. I also wear sandals with no hose. It is afterall, summer with hot and muggy weather.
I also can’t stand sweaty hair. I wash mine daily. Pantene Color Expressions (don’t tell anyone its not my natural color!) has some mosturizers in it and I condition it weekly.
Works real well for me. Except for coloring my hair before vacation knowing the grey would be very obvious during vacation, and leaving the color on too long (stupid me!) and now its drier than it should be. And I’m conditioning it more frequently.
Stay cool and hydrated PB!
[Young Lady. DID YOU SAY JUMPER!!!!?!?!?!? – PB]
I’ve been assured by a friend who tried it that the chicken flaps really do diminish if you do a little triceps workout, such as arm curls with small weights at home. You might not get Michelle Obama arms without being, well, as thin as Michelle Obama, and you can’t lose fat off one spot by exercising just that spot, but she (my friend) swore that strengthening her triceps had a visible effect.
I haven’t actually tested this theory myself. [I’m making a Cynical Face because I did work-outs with weights every day for six weeks with very little improvement. Although I must say, there was improvement. I should have kept it up.I bet it wasn’t really every day, either. It was probably more like every other day. Or sometimes once a week. – PB]
I assume chicken flaps are the same as “bingo wings” in the UK? (aka wobbly underarm bits!) [Bingo wings!?? LOL!!! Yep, the very same. -PB]
It won’t help you this trip, but WomenSpirit has a great sleeveless clergy shirt, in black, and I think some other colors as well. It’s my summer Sunday shirt with this humidity.
PB –
Hair care:
My daughter just started to use Tresemme’s dry shampoo (waterless foam), doesn’t require brushing-through, so your hair doesn’t frizz.
Triceps – weights are such a bore and you have to remember them…I like to sit on the stairs with my arms behind me on the step then raise and lower myself, trying to concentrate on my triceps. I LOVE to do this on the steps in the pool. And yoga/pilates “plank.” Just doing it makes me feel virtuous 🙂
Hope the heat has abated somewhat and you found relief from the heat!
Two Responses:
I have light weights at home to keep my arms working when I’m not going to the gym. It helps the whole upper body open up and fly out its stress.
It took three clearance seasons, but I now have a tailored black Liz Claiborne cotton eyelet tunic with stand-up collar, and pure cotton black pants, for summer services without robe. I’m just hoping the tunic still fits over all the post-fracture weight-gain.
“I’ve been assured by a friend who tried it that the chicken flaps really do diminish if you do a little triceps workout, such as arm curls with small weights at home.”
May I offer an alternative?
Heavy weights, people, heavy weights. Relatively speaking, of course.
If you can do whatever exercise (like bicep curls or shoulder presses or whatever) more than 12 times with your weight, it’s too light (feeling a burning sensation doesn’t count. That’s the lactic acid talking and you’re not actually doing the muscles a lot of good.)
You want something that you can do with good form for 6-9 repetitions, but if you tried to do more things would go badly.
Then you only do 6-9!
Same, generally, goes for all resistance training. Really high reps…can work, but it takes blooming ages. If you’ve ever heard about Gwyneth Paltrow working out three hours a day, that’s why. Her trainer doesn’t believe ‘a woman should lift weights over 3 pounds’.
[sarcasm]So: women! Know your limits according to Gwyneth Paltrow’s PT! No carrying babies, handbags, shopping bags, pets or large brushes! For you must be weak and enfeebled![/sarcasm]
It’s hot here too, PB, though nowhere near the same level. But we are British! And unused to the dry sunny weather! And so we moan. [DRY and sunny! For you we have no pity! It’s SO MUGGY HERE! – PB]
I like the ole Almy plastic-y sleeveless shell. Sure, it is made of a nylon fabric–but it doesn’t show sweat like cotton and it can be melted but it does not fade and doesn’t get clammy like cotton (it gets clammy like plastic, which I guess I prefer).
I’m also a proponent of the heavy weights for arm work. I’ve been working out for a year (this summer not so much because of kids at home) and there is something to that replacing muscle with fat. The scale hasn’t done much but my shape is firmer and I feel a ton better. Oxygen magazine, I’ve found, is a good realistic source of information without too much hype or dependence on frankenfoods (so long as the pictures of extremely fit women don’t discourage you). They had a 17 minute workout in a recent issue–circuit training with reasonably heavy hand weights that was actually 17 minutes and was a heck of a workout and could be done at home for the cost of the hand weights.
Dear PeaceBang,
I wanted to just express my appreciation for your frank candor about your different body parts. As a plus-size woman myself, I think thoughts about my arms, thighs and about every other part but keep them to myself in shame. I am working through that with therapy and reading, but I wanted to express the joy I feel when I read your blunt opinions of yourself. Reminds me that I don’t need to be so ashamed of my thoughts and of my body. Thank you!
It may feel like everyone can see the wobble if you have flesh that flaps on your upper arms, but the truth is, it is more conspicuous to keep your elbows at your waist. I was told once by a photographer that if you have big upper arms, you shouldn’t be photographed with your arms close to your sides; it smooshes them against your body and makes them look bigger.