Such a bizzy bizzy little ole month, October is!
But PeaceBang loves it. She’s doing all the things she loves most to do and is roaring on all six cylinders. No blues to be singing, no time to get lost in dangerous neighborhoods of my mind, no flopsy-mopsy days where I just can’t get going. I HAVE to get going. Since my calendar is so packed, I know I need to stay focused, to be a super-wise stewardess of my time (just call me a “Time Stewardess” and put me in a 1970’s polyester uniform, go ahead!), and refuse to allow defeatist attitudes, people or actions to mess with me. I wish I could bring some of my October spirit to July (my mopiest month)!
I’ve rejoined Weight Watchers, which is always, um, SO fascinating. Sometimes I’ll be driving along all sane and quite happy and this voice will come from out of nowhere and scream, “GET ME SOME FRIED CHICKEN WINGS!! NOWWWWW!!!”
And I’ll be like, “Wow! Where did THAT come from? You know we are not getting fried chicken wings. We are having some soup and half a sandwich for lunch. So stop that.”
And the voice will say, “CHICKEN WINGS NOW, BETCH, OR I WILL HURT YOU!”
Then I have to be really stern and say, “Don’t make me stop this car.”
The voice roars, “GREAT IDEA!!!STOP THE CAR AND PICK UP SOME WINGS!!!!”
And I say, “I am in charge and I am ignoring you.”
I turn on the radio.
This voice also comes up when I want to relax in the evening. “OH GOOD. WE GET TO HAVE A BIG BAG OF SOMETHING CRUNCHY NOW. OR A HUGE TUB OF POPCORN.”
“No, we actually don’t,” I say. “We’re not even hungry and watching television or reading does not mean snacking. Get over that.”
“POPCORN!! BUTTER!” it roars.
So this is challenging.
Meanwhile, it’s all a process — and a slow one at that — and I take it one day at a time with realistic expectations. I have no particular weight loss goal because that has never worked for me. I just want to stop being a compulsive overeater.
While I am patiently waiting to fit into more of my favorite clothes, I am adding bits of shine and sparkle to the ones I do fit into to remind myself that I am the light of the world. Jesus said so.
These photos are truly atrocious, I know, but I like to provide visuals on this blog so here I am:
Rhinestone pin with brown pin-stripe blazer (I wrap a beautiful Turkish blue cashmere/pashmina scarf around my neck which is real pritty — I don’t like a lot of neck showing with blazers).
Hammered silver necklace with white blouse and black cardigan.
The silver with the black and white is marvellous. Very classy and effective.
I sympathize with your battle.
Last May I realized that even my fat clothes weren’t fitting any more, and I knew that at least I had to stop eating full meals at midnight (my schedule’s not too regular sometimes). So, new rule, no eating after 9:00 PM unless I’m out socially. Same kind of internal debates ensued: “I’M HUNGRY!” “It’s after 9:00!” “I DON’T CARE, I’M HUNGRY!!” “Too bad, it’s after 9:00.” Funny thing, it’s working for me. So far, I’ve dropped about 12 lbs. without doing much else differently. That’s not a lot, but enough to get me into more of my clothes. Even the not-so-fat ones!
I get that a lot too–and my morning blood sugar readings always tattle on me if I give in. A full glass of water followed by a hot cup of decaf or tea with Splenda usually shuts it up, though.
amen to giving theological valence to wearing bling:)
Are you familiar with Martha Beck? In her book called “The 4 Day Win” she describes the battle in terms of the wild child, the dictator and the watcher. The point is to strengthen the role of the watcher. I found it really useful and she’s hilarious too! [Sounds good! I’ll look into it! – PB]
I recently read “The End of Overeating” by David Kessler (former FDA commissioner), and it was fascinating. He dubs compulsive overeating “conditioned hypereating”, and talks about how the brain reacts to the types of foods offered by restaurants and processed food manufacturers. He also goes into detail on how you can rewire your brain so you don’t respond to food cues in the same way. I’m not explaining it very well. It’s fairly popular, as I was 113th in line or something when I put a hold on it at the library. [I’ve heard about it and it’s in my shopping cart at Amazon.com. Can’t wait to read it. A male parishioner RAVED about it. – PB]
I just LOVE your hair! The color is beautiful and the cut brings out your eyes!