There’s a Slight Chance You Might Care About This (Choosing An Outfit for An Event: PeaceBang’s Process)

PeaceBang has an EVENT in a couple of weeks. She has been invited to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the congregation she served as Interim Assistant Minister when she was fresh out of Div School and the ink on her ordination certificate still wet. She had many challenges in that position but loved the people and her mentoring pastors and the area, and she’d like to look like a grown-up who has Done Well at this event.

Let PeaceBang tell you, cookies, that after a day of working on your doctoral thesis, nothing can lull a girl to sleep like wondering What To Wear on March 21. It’s ever so much more relaxing than worrying what roads of incoherent one’s thesis might be meandering down, and it’s oodles more fun than counting sheep.

At first I thought I would go Business Casual with a blazer and tailored skirt. Pretty fool-proof, right?
Then I found out that a really fun band will be playing and decided I wouldn’t be able to dance — or really feel festive enough — in that sort of outfit.

Then I thought about a dressy top and slacks. No go. My party tops are mostly of the Gypsy Earth Mother variety with a bit too much cleavage and too much flowy fabric to be appropriate for a country club setting and a professional appearance.

“What about one of those pretty skirts in your closet paired with, say, a dressy cardigan?” thought I. But like Goldilocks and her cursed beds that weren’t quite right, I deemed one skirt too distinctly autumnal and others too floaty and summery. My one dressy-enough cardigan is black and wintery. I finally had to give up on that idea although I still think it was a good one.

Then I thought, “Ah, this event calls for the LBD (Little Black Dress).” One problem: I have never been able to find a LBD that even remotely fits or flatters. I know that the perfect LBD should be a staple in every woman’s wardrobe, but I have searched in vain for one that would not look like sausage casing on my “figure.” As a Lovely Lumpy Lass, I had long given up on ever owning an LBD.

And then I found one. On the sale rack at Avenue for $22 (see photo below). It needs to be hemmed (the LBD should always hit just below or at the knee), but it is perfect. The neckline is perfect. The waistline is actually a waistline. My shape, such as it is, looks like a shape in this dress. I can already think of five or six events at which I will make use of this LBD. This is a find.

This is where it occurred to me that my search for an appropriate outfit for this EVENT might be worth blogging about. Because, my pretties, once we find our basic garment — voila, perfection — our work in prepping for an important event has actually just begun. Suppose I had just thrown on my LBD and a pair of pumps and been done with it?
You really want to know?
I would have looked really bad.

I’m sorry to say it, but that’s where most of us fail. I’ve seen it a thousand times: clergywomen or man in perfectly serviceable suit or dress or outfit who has paid no attention to grooming, tailoring, details or accessories… and who therefore looks schlubby and out-of-it compared to everyone else at the shindig.

What a shame, too!

Look, if we felt the need to get up every morning and meticulously consider accessories, make-up, hair, etc. for hours at a time, that would be locura. A word to the wise, though — the more you consider the details of your public persona and of grooming, the less time it eventually takes to attend to them. And while PeaceBang knows that we’re all Deep, Serious, Faithful, Profound People, she still thinks that’s a hooey of an excuse to look undone at an important Event.

So although I’d like to feel all done choosing my outfit (and figuring out what else to pack) for the weekend of March 21st, I know I’m not. I’ll have to get home and try on shoes to see which ones work best with my LBD, necklaces and earrings, hair styles, and even think about the kind of make-up I want to bring with me.
If I bring the ivory/gold satin pumps, will I be able to dance in them? If I wear pearls and a wide satin headband, will that look too preppy and unlike me? This is a really big occasion for the congregation — should I consider getting a professional blow-out since I haven’t had my hair cut since December and my hair isn’t going to look appropriate no matter how hard I try to style it myself? I haven’t had my nails done since December, either, and they look like the devil. I’d better pop for a manicure, too.

(And yes, Miss Anti-Bare Arms will be wearing my LBD (or “Perfect Black Dress,” as Avenue calls it, for obvious reasons!) with a pretty cardigan. Not because it would be that Bad to go Bare to a party, but because my upper arms are in no shape for it.)

This congregation was gathered fifty years ago and has grown to over 600 members. They gave me my first full-time job. We went through a lot together. I want to show up looking like a credit to that experience and to other congregations that have similarly honored me by calling me to be their minister. I think that’s worth a mani-pedi, and a few applications of Jergen’s Self-Tanning Moisturizer. Damn tootin’.