My dears,
Several of you wrote a month or so ago picking up on a thread and inquiring about hair and make-up for women undergoing chemotherapy or radiation treatment for cancer. I knew this would be a big topic and not one I knew much about– except to affirm my conviction that the desire to look as much like yourself as you possibly can when being transformed by illness is not a frivolous one.
Today while waiting for a massage (tip: be prepared to show up to your next appointment all greasy-haired or schedule a massage at the end of the working day) I happened to have a conversation with an aesthetician who was showing me a product that helps eyelashes grow thicker. As it happens, the product (very expensive at $150 for six months’ supply) also aids the regrowth of lashes and brows lost to chemo treatment. My pointy ears perked right up.
This lovely gal told me about the organization Look Good, Feel Better which helps women, men and children with cancer cope with changes in their appearance they may experience as they are treated for the disease.
I am very sad that I am not a licensed beautician because I would LOVE to get trained to be one of their make-over people. I think it sounds like an amazing organization.
So let’s consider this the start of a conversation and sharing of resources. Friends, what say you?
I am not clergy, but I went through cancer treatment a few years ago at age 44. Here are a few thoughts:
– The comprehensive cancer center where I was treated has an American Cancer Society Navigator (someone who helps patients navigate through any and all issues they may face, connecting them to services, etc.) in an office adjacent to the oncologists’ waiting room. And within that office is a little beauty shop, where volunteer beauticians fitted patients for wigs or did other hair care,styling, and makeup. The program here provides one free wig to any patient wanting one. I had a lovely visit with the beautician, who helped me find a suitable wig. And then I wore it home and never wore it again. Oh well! I realized that a wig just wasn’t for me. But I’m glad that I met the lovely volunteer beautician, who was delightful and encouraging. That was a therapeutic treatment even though the wig ended up as part of a costume in a skit my kids did a year or so later (yes, I regret wasting a donated wig, but I thought I might use it when I got it). Anyway, interested patients should inquire into the availability of such services.
– I wore headcoverings. The only fun thing about treatment was playing around with lots of colorful scarves, finding different ways to tie them, etc. A great resource was this company: http://www.tznius.com/ They have many beautiful scarves, and many of those scarves are very large, thus providing plenty of fabric for full coverage and fun wrapping/tying options. They also have scarf-tying instructions on their site. And they have $1.95 flat-rate shipping on all orders.
– Being bald was not as traumatic as I thought it might be. I was surprised to find that I kind of liked the way I looked. I wasn’t bold enough to go out in public without my scarves, but I kind of wish I had been. Anyhow, when my hair started to grow back, I liked my short hair. Before going back to my approximately shoulder-length hair, which I have again now, I kept my short hair trimmed up at various lengths for a while. All my life before chemo, I thought I’d never ever wear my hair short, thought it’d be awful. Instead, I found out that I like it, and going back to a short cut would be no big deal. I prefer not to do it the chemo way again, though, Lord willing.
– I was given info on Look Good, Feel Better, too. It sounded fine, but I never got around to attending a meeting. People who are interested should definitely look into it, though. They send you home with lots of free makeup, if I recall correctly.
– A huge part of feeling and thus looking your best depends on getting all the good nutrition you can, which can really be a challenge when you’re undergoing treatment. A friend gave me this cookbook: http://www.amazon.com/Betty-Crockers-Living-Cancer-Cookbook/dp/0764565494/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-0118086-5800003?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180815752&sr=8-1 . It was very helpful, not only for the recipes, but maybe even moreso for the great deal of information and advice it includes regarding cancer and nutrition. Recipes are tagged according to the particular problems and treatment side effects they help address.
– Everyone is different. It helps to listen to those who offer assistance–like the volunteer beautician at the cancer center–because they can really give your spirits a lift as they show you ways to cope with the appearance issues. But ultimately, do what feels comfortable for you. I would have gone nuts wearing that wig every day, but I know that for other women, wigs are a godsend. If wearing a “Cancer Sucks” baseball cap on your bald head makes you feel better, rock it, sister. Well, maybe not if you’re clergy, except at home. 🙂
I dunno. I kind of think that a bald minister in a baseball cap that says “Cancer Sucks” might be very healing for people! Risky, but provocative in a good way, like, “Is it spiritual to be edgy and angry? Sure it is!!” Thanks for writing in, Dianne.
Two summers ago I went through chemo for early-stage breast cancer (at age 47). I also got a wig and only wore it once – felt like an impostor – a hot, itchy impostor. The combination of summer heat and hot flashes pretty much ruled out the wig right away. Also, as a college chaplain, I wanted to be out about my cancer, to demystify it on my campus. Scarves were great (the cotton and raw silk ones don’t slip – I actually resorted to toupee tape to keep the slippery ones on -eek!), and I wore a soft cap at night – it’s really cold without hair. One of my friends had spent several months bald (she played the lead in “Wit”in regional theatre), and she shared her fashion secret with me: when you don’t have hair, it’s all about the earrings – the bigger and danglier, the better. The week before I lost my hair, my friends held a little ritual for me – as part of it, they lent me the biggest earrings they had. I wore those earrings the whole time, bouyed up by the love and care that they represented. And I bought lots of scarves – I figured that with what I saved on shampoo, product and haircuts, it was a wash. Besides, I had to maintain my rep as a minor fashionista.
If I’d had a “Cancer Sucks” cap, I would have worn it. Much closer to my attitude than the demure pink ribbon thing.
Exercise was hugely important – I worked out every day except the days before, during and after treatments. I was able to avoid the fatigue that lots of women experience and to avoid the weight gain than most women with bc experience during chemo. So if you’re able, keep moving!
The eyelashes and eyebrows are the last to go – they don’t fall out until new growth starts to come in, which feels really unfair – just when you start to get it back on top, you can look really blank. Eyeliner, ladies, and, in desperate cases, temporary eyebrow tattoos (you can find anything on the web, it’s true). But the lashes and brows come back pretty quickly.
There can be some adjustment when hair grows back, too – the notorious chemo curl! I fought it at first, and then decided to enjoy it – it’s just about grown out now, and I miss it. So if you’ve always wanted curls, you might get your wish.
And finally (PeaceBang, you’ve heard me on this before – sorry to flog this, but I think it’s important), if your cancer was fueled by estrogen, you’ll want to avoid cosmetics and grooming aids that contain paraben as a preservative – this is a endocrine disruptor which our bodies recognize as estrogenic, and it can potentially feed new tumors. It’s banned in cosmetics and beauty products in Europe, but still appears in most cosmetics sold in the U.S., although a few of the big cosmetics companies have pledged to eliminate it in the next few years. For a listing of ingredients for thousands of products, see the environmental working group’s website, http://www.ewg.org. I’ll work hard for a cure, but I want to identify and avoid the cause, as well.
Karen, you refer to the “demure pink ribbon thing” and say that you want to identify and avoid causes, too. Thanks for bringing this up. Pink ribbons, frankly, annoy the heck out of me. I suggest people look into the work of Breast Cancer Action . Especially, please, watch their short videos — click on the “Think Before You Pink” link on their home page, or go directly to http://www.thinkbeforeyoupink.org/. Notice the ads there, too, titled “Philanthropy or Hypocrisy?” and “Who’s Really Cleaning Up Here?” Oh, and those Cancer Sucks products can be found here: http://www.choosehope.com/commerce/catalog.jsp?catId=29 . They also sold some of them at the cancer center pharmacy where I was treated.
Thanks also for the reminder about parabens. I try to avoid them, but it’s almost impossible to do so completely.
I thought I posted this comment yesterday, but it apparently didn’t go through. Anyway, Karen, I’m with you on pink ribbons (they positively annoy me) and wanting to identify and avoid causes as well as work for a cure. I suggest that people take a look at the work of Breast Cancer Action – “the bad girls of breast cancer” :-). Especially, watch the short videos — click on the “Think Before You Pink” link to reach them, or go directly to http://www.thinkbeforeyoupink.org/ . See also the print ads shown there, titled “Who’s Really Cleaning Up Here?” and “Philanthropy or Hypocrisy?” They also publish a good newsletter.
And the parabens, oy. I try to avoid them, but it’s hard to do so completely. I hope we see them banned here in the U.S., too, before long.
Oops, looks like I didn’t put in the link for Breast Cancer Action. That’s http://www.bcaction.org/