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Cancer and Clergy Image

My dears,

Several of you wrote a month or so ago picking up on a thread and inquiring about hair and make-up for women undergoing chemotherapy or radiation treatment for cancer. I knew this would be a big topic and not one I knew much about– except to affirm my conviction that the desire to look as much like yourself as you possibly can when being transformed by illness is not a frivolous one.

Today while waiting for a massage (tip: be prepared to show up to your next appointment all greasy-haired or schedule a massage at the end of the working day) I happened to have a conversation with an aesthetician who was showing me a product that helps eyelashes grow thicker. As it happens, the product (very expensive at $150 for six months’ supply) also aids the regrowth of lashes and brows lost to chemo treatment. My pointy ears perked right up.

This lovely gal told me about the organization Look Good, Feel Better which helps women, men and children with cancer cope with changes in their appearance they may experience as they are treated for the disease.

I am very sad that I am not a licensed beautician because I would LOVE to get trained to be one of their make-over people. I think it sounds like an amazing organization.

So let’s consider this the start of a conversation and sharing of resources. Friends, what say you?

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What To Wear To A Full-Immersion Baptism

I met this lovely woman, the Reverend Angela Dionne Madden, at the Festival of Homiletics. What you can’t really see in the photo is how much she looks like a young Liz Taylor:

Rev. Angela

After we talked about shoes and other fun items (like how cute is that bag?), Angela asked me if I had any thoughts about what she might wear for a full-immersion baptism that she would be doing today.

Of course, it being PENTECOST (Holy Ghost power! Holy Ghost power!), we both thought she should wear a flaming red dress, but I’m not sure that was among her options. So I recommended that she wear a cotton top and skirt — heavy enough material that she could pull it away from her body after coming out of the water and it wouldn’t cling too much, wouldn’t be sheer, and could breathe and dry quickly. She said she’d be wearing waders, which is a good idea for anyone who’s taking a new Christian into the Jordan and doesn’t want to wind up getting sucked into the mud. Nothing ruins a beautiful baptism so quickly as a pastor flailing their arms for help and sinking quickly from view. Although…. what a way to go, huh?

Speaking of which, I was just chatting with our town funeral director — who has become very dear over the years — who told me about a woman who died on the massage table. “That’s how I want to go!” I said. Just an aside, darlings, be good to your funeral directors. If you’re a small-town pastor, you can learn where all the bodies are buried from your local FD, and I mean that literally as well as metaphorically.

So ANYhoo, we talked about what Angela might wear — including various alb options — and what I really loved the best was when her friend Julia and I got to practice dipping her back, because we wanted to show her that she really was going to get quite wet. The thing is, baptizing preachers, make sure to really bend at the knee as you dip your new Christian backward or you’ll strain your back. As a Unitarian who sprinkles babies and children with just a teaspoon or so of water as they are blessed, named and welcomed into our covenant, I have no real-life experience with that sort of thing, but it was really tender working it out with Pastor Angela and being a little part of the blessing she would help God bestow today upon some folks in Pratt, Kansas.

So Angela, I’m thinking of you and hoping that you had a beautiful baptism.

And all the rest of you, if you have a hankering to run around praising the Lord and speaking in tongues, well today is your day. You go for it, and let the rest of us more cautious, less-Pentecostal types know how it went.

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Abundant-Bodied Petite Pastor Cries For Help

Dear PeaceBang,
I found your blog not too long ago while I was looking for some vestments tailored for women…a difficult search as we both know.

I’m in my first call as a Lutheran pastor in the Washington, D.C. area – brand new to the area – and I’ve found reading your blog is like having a friend who knows my pain! 🙂

Anyway, to my dilemma…
I’m under 30, single, short (5’2) and plus sized (18). I have found that one of the most flattering looks for me really is a suit jacket…tailored, emphasizes that I do indeed have a waist, covers up really ugly clergy shirts, helps people older than me take me seriously, etc.
BUT…it is now approaching the humid summer months of swampy D.C. and I can’t go on wearing things over my clergy shirts just to “create smooth and clean lines”. Any thoughts on summer looks for clergy in more formal offices who already have challenges finding clothes that fit their petite and wide frame?
Thanks!

Oh honey, I so feel your pain!!
MAN, do you I feel your pain. We’re the same approximate size! We can swap clothes! But first, your dilemma.

I think the Belt is going to have to be your good friend. A belt, you see, will give you that waist that you want, and will neaten up the icky blouse. Also, finding excellent skirts and trousers will really keep you sane — and I’m taking skirts that don’t drown your bottom half in tons of fabrics (try the Style, Inc. line or “inc.” — they make nice professional skirts for chunky short chicks like us), but are have clean lines and to which you can add a smart belt and great shoes.

Definitely show some leg. I wear Spanx-like tummy-thigh trimmer shorts under skirts so I am free of pantyhose. I fake-tan my legs and it all looks fine.

As far as trousers go, make sure they FIT AT THE WAIST AND BUTT and THIGHS and have a nice gentle flare at the bottom. You’ll (we) need that balance. I don’t know if you have the dreaded tummy bulge that I have (my torso is basically a set of tires balanced on top of each other), but get a good slimmer, tuck that bloody shirt in, and add a nice belt. Don’t wear a big pendant and a belt — you’ll cut yourself all up. Either pendant or belt, not both. Wear nice earrings, do up your face, keep your hair looking shiny and great, carry fresh white hankies to dab at your face in that humid heat, and you’ll be great.

I give myself dispensation to wear an open-toed shoe when I have to wear a collar in the summer. I wear 3″ platform sandals, tuck my shirt into black flared trousers, wear biggish earrings and decide just to funk it up. Also, a nice thick wristwatch provides some balance, too.

Sorry to be so rambly!
Let me know how it goes!

Love, PeaceBang

***

Readers of all shapes and sizes,
Belts are very fashionable right now, and they really can add a nice, polished dimension to a simple outfit. Gals, got a clean, unwrinkled nice tee-shirt and a terrific pair of trousers? Add a lovely belt, some nice earrings, a chunky bracelet and voila, you got yourself an outfit.

Guys, got some pressed khakis and an Oxford? Add a belt and you’ll look even more ready for your day!

Tip for full-figured gals: a belted, fitted shell looks very nice under a blazer or cardigan. It adds a waist, but only if the belt isn’t too wide (super wide belts are in right now, but don’t be fooled — you’ll just look dissected).

P.S. Dears, I’m having a hard time finding elegant, well-fitting shells lately — everything’s either the tacky, ribbed “wife-beater” style (I’m sorry, I know it’s an offensive name) or a camisole with spaghetti straps and a too-low neckline. Any tips?

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Interview Freak-Out


Interview Freak-Out
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

My goodness, what an anxious letter THIS is! Let’s see what this Job Seeking Reader has to say:

Dear PeaceBang,
I’m going for a job interview this weekend and I’m freaking out mildly and I dont know what it says about my life that I keep wailing to myself ‘PEACEBANG is the ONLY one who can HELLLLP’ but that’s the truth of the matter.

So, what do you suggest? I need an outfit that can:
1. ride in the car for three hours
2. go to lunch at a nice-ish restaurant
3. go for a walking tour of the neighborhood and then one of the church (this second part is scheduled to last an hour! How is that possible? I’m thinking that we must be hitting the attic and the boiler room which for sure means dust…)
4. interview for 1.5 hours
5. go to dinner at someone’s house

Do I wear the same thing all day? Or do I change out of travel clothes for the interview part? And then change again for the dinner after the interview? I feel like I’m going to the Oscars.

FYI: [The weather where I am going] will either be 40 degrees and raining or 70 degrees and sunny, but most likely both of these, and all the degrees in between, too.

Also, at the meals, what do I eat? Do I pull a Scarlett and have a big meal before so they don’t see what a chow hound I am, and also so that I can TALK without my mouth being full?

Any wisdom you can throw my way -confidentially if it’s ok as I”m job hunting on the sly more or less – would be so much appreciated.”

Well, my dear, that is indeed a doozie, and PeaceBang and her readers are *here for you.* We have ALL been there. We feel you.

First of all, if you can possibly steal a few moments to freshen up and change after your journey of three hours, do. At least spritz your face with some rose water, take a few moments alone to stretch and breathe, brush your teeth, blow your nose and apply fresh lipstick.
You’ll feel ready for anything. You’ll BE ready for anything!

I think a good outfit choice would be a patterned skirt (maybe an Indian print, nothing too florally-cutesy) , a classic cotton tank with some spandex in it to give it shape and dressiness factor, and a cardigan. You can leave the cardigan off on the trip so it will be fresh when you arrive. Wear a nice necklace, and keep the colors up top deep and neutral, which projects more authority and leadership than light colors (and certainly pastels!).

A nice pair of trousers with a lovely, colorful blouse and lightweight blazer would also work, just make sure your fabrics have some poly or spandex in them for wrinkle-management. Belts can also make blouses look very sharp, and a belted shirt or blouse under an open blazer is a nice look.

You might wear comfortable but nice sandals if it’s not raining too hard– not Clarkes, but something more dressy that you can still walk around comfortably in. I noticed a slew of choices at Macy’s this past weekend. A really nice, substantial flat should also be fine.

Don’t plan to change clothes only because your interviewing team may not have scheduled time for you to do so, and you want to feel that whatever outfit you choose can take you confidently through the entire ordeal… um, I mean, EXPERIENCE! 🙂

If you do get some time alone before dinner, by all means shower, change, do whatever helps you to re-energize, but you may just get ten minutes. And wouldn’t it be kinder to yourself to spend that ten minutes breathing and praying and discerning rather than scrambling into a new set of duds and worrying if things match?

If you want to change shoes for dinner, that would be nice. Sometimes I’ll wear comfortable walking-around shoes at a day event and then just change my earrings and shoes for a dinner appearance.

As for eating before you eat, it’s only true that you will be doing more talking and energetically reacting than actually dining. If you’re hungry, there’s nothing wrong with having soup or snacks beforehand on your own. Your digestion will be better for it, and so will your presence at dinner. And if you’re seen picking at your food, you can always say you’re too nervous to eat. Which is true! You’re too nervous to eat… in front of a group of people who are interviewing you for a ministerial position! Riiight?
But honey, don’t snarf down a bucket o’ chicken or a big bag of Taco Bell before dinner: you’ll just look puffy and you might get a grease spot on your blouse.

Seriously, though, you can always write to me (my e-mail address is always on the margins of the page, kittycats) and send photos.
This is a big occasion and we want you to feel 100% the shining star you are.

Blessings, and let us know how it goes!!
Kiss of Peace,
PB

(P.S. Readers, the photo is random. It is not a photo of our anonymous and reverend letter writer!)

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Black Tie And Vouz

Happy, Happy Official Springtime, bunnies and chicks!

It’s 33 degrees here just south of Boston but we’re not complaining because the sun is shining at 4:30 in the afternoon, which would be high tea time if we were British but we’re not, so instead of having a nice pot of Earl Tea and some biscuits, we’re just typing away all parched and kind of tired.
It’s time to call on our Imaginary Housekeeper, Mrs. Frubbles, who makes all our tea, takes out all our recycling, does all our laundry and tidies up!

Here she comes with a lovely cup of decaf chai. We just love Mrs. F. She’s the maiden sister-in-law of our much-loved and notoriously creative Unitarian foremother, Lavonia Crittendon-Smythe, who used to preach in nothing but leotards and a crown of peonies. It was a daring era, darlings. Mrs. F. loves to regale me with stories, but just now she’s picking up the dry-cleaning and getting dinner started. We’re having something that you have to set on fire on the way to the table; it should be just divine. Then I’ll get to work on Sunday’s sermon which should be an easy one, really, because what else can you say about “Thou shalt not kill” except, “Yes, please don’t?”

Well, now that we’re back in reality, let us address a fascinating question we got last week; the kind of question that makes you think, “Gee, ministers and priests really DO have swellegant, glamorous lives!”

The inquiry came from an Episcopal priest of the female variety who was invited to a BLACK TIE EVENT.

Black tie, everyone! Isn’t this amazing? When was the last time you were invited to a black tie event? PeaceBang has only been to one or two in her life and certainly not since she was ordained. No one does black tie weddings anymore, so that is one brand of fiesta that PeaceBang has most definitely not had to worry about dressing for. Sheesh, what a relief!

Our priest wrote in to say that not only did she have to attend a black tie event, she had to wear her clericals, which certainly presents a challenge. PeaceBang is pretty sure that evening gowns and clerical collars don’t go very well together, so she had to put on her little thinking cap very tight and come up with this response to Inquiring Priest:

“There is no way to do clericals and black tie, really. I mean, we can’t very well wear a collar and an evening gown or a tux. It just isn’t done. But yet you want to look drop-dead elegant and appropriate.

I would say get an absolutely classic black suit with impeccable trousers and wear them with a pair of gorgeous sling-back pumps. That will be your only concession to feminine party dress. Keep everything starkly elegant, make sure your hair and make-up are one step away from GLAM (if you send me a photo I can advise), and wear an amazing, jewelry-like wristwatch. Simple diamonds [or “diamonds”] or something similarly perfect in your ears, and a very, very simple clutch bag. Manicured nails, neutral color (OPI Bubble Bath is great — or if you want to do short and glam, Essie “Wicked” — an elegant dark, dark wine color). In fact, the more I think about it, I sort of love the idea of killer chic nail polish as almost the only ornament.

The idea here is not trying to compete with the fapitzed ladies and not to be a guy: be a drop-dead elegant priest who just slightly intimidates* all the tuxes and evening gowns.

What do you think?”

* Maybe “intimidate” isn’t the best word for what I mean. What I mean here is, Priests don’t have to do black tie. Priests represent a spiritual teacher who reminded us not to store up treasures on earth, and who appreciated his wealthy disciples but who did not try to be as they were.