Because you're in the public eye, and God knows you need to look good.
So way back when a few months ago, I get a “Help Me, PeaceBang” letter from a pastor out in the Wild, Wild West who doesn’t know how she should dress for the town’s Helldorado Days, which is some kind of historical re-enactment kind of whingding.
Why not have fun with it, sez I. Get a wig, get all gussied up in a long skirt and mutton-chop sleeve blouse and carry a big old Bible. Make like an old-timey circuit-riding preacher lady.
Look how totally cute she turned out.
This sassy little reader stole my heart right away by saying, “Kudos to you and your fats.” How could I not try to help her? Here is her query:
I am presently a chaplain for a seminary (the non-collar wearing kind even though I am th collar wearing kind of minister!) I will be a volunteer police/fire chaplain very soon and I need some “uniform” advice.
I want to 1. look like a professional(religous) 2. have clothes that I can launder frequently at high temps! 3. I want to appear from an observers vantage point to be “with the police” but not necessarily one of them. I want to be perceived by the police/fire as the real deal without looking like I want to be one of them. I am not opposed to collars but other than that I am lost.
I would look to appear like the female I am but don’t want to look like I want to date. So far I am thinking pressed nice cargo pants in a dark color and a twill shirt or a short sleeved polo. Unfortunately the dept only supplies a twill shirt w/ chaplain emblazened right over, where do you ask…why right over the bosom of course. Ugh! I need help. I know you are not the police fashionista but can you stretch your abilities?
Dear readers, I did, in fact, try to stretch my abilities. Here is my response to HH, the Rockin’ Chaplain ChicK:
VERY challenging, my little pigeon!
Okay, a few thingsFirst, do NOT try to look like one of the police or fire dudes. That won’t work. You’re too young and too female. You’re young, right? If so, you’ll just look like you’re trying to dress up like mommy and daddy if you make yourself a miniature of the guys in the force. I would get a pair of twill pants, a nice belt, round-toed Naot black shoes [the style I’m thinking of is Salvadore], a clergy collar shirt in black and a good two-button blazer. You’re in black, it’s obviously a kind of uniform, you’re not too dressy, you can run if need be, you can get dirty with no big deal, and you can take off the blazer and run around in your shirt if you need to. You wear this every day. You don’t get cutesy with colored shirts and [cuss word] like that. You don’t wear a big ole badge on your bachongas. You wear a clerical collar — ancient, classic, serious. No one will possibly doubt what you’re there for.
You carry a cross-body messenger bag, nothing girly or “pursey.” You do your hair nicely and wear some make-up to look polished, you wear a pair of small silver hoops because you’re a girl. “I don’t want to look like I want to date” is ridiculous. You either flirt and act like you’re sexually available or you don’t, and you should not. I mean, it’s not like you were considering low-cut shirts and high heels, were you? On the other hand, you don’t have to be a stern schoolmarm either. Just be you in your uniform, which should be impeccably clean and pressed at all times. Buy two of everything — I’m serious, you’ll be wearing them EVERY DAY.
What’s your body type? Tell me and I’ll steer you to some good pants options.
Chaplains, let’s hear from you? What’s your advice to our gal? When she says she wants to be able to launder garments frequently in high temps, I’m not sure what that means but certainly Dockers and cotton clergy shirts can stand multiple washings. And no one should be washing clothes at high temps. Maybe she means that she lives in a warm climate. We’ll have to hear from her.
To our Jewish readers, Good Yom Tov!! May you be written in the Book of Life for the new year!
And now, to our most recent call for help from a colleague who is With Child and seeks advice on maternity-wear. She writes,
I have just discovered that I am pregnant. This time around, I am working in a church for the first time. I do wear a robe on Sunday, but I am wondering if you can do a post about do’s and don’ts of the maternity clothes wearing pastor. I have a few months before I am wearing maternity clothes, but I am saving my money for them and pondering what I will need in a professional setting.
First of all, A., mazel tov and congratulations! I hope that the PeaceBang community will come through for you with loads of unsolicited advice on everything from how to avoid unauthorized belly-petting to juggling the demands of motherhood and parish ministry.
But for now, ze clothings, we shall discuss.
PeaceBang has never been pregnant, doesn’t plan to ever become pregnant, and has no personal experience with the issue of maternity clothing. She has noticed, however, that maternity wear is downright hip and sexy these days — in fact, maybe a little too sexy for the clergy gal. For instance, PeaceBang has noticed that a lot of maternity tops are very low-cut in the cleavage area, leading to potential Festivals of Inappropriate Sharing.
So she recommends that you find a maker of classic and affordable maternity clothing that isn’t cut to make you look like Mother Goddess of the Bazooms but that doesn’t aim to hide the fact that you’re pregnant, either. What do women in the corporate world wear when they’re sporting a baby bump? I squint my eyes trying to conjure up an example and can’t come up with one, since all the mamas I know have the kind of job where casual, unstructured clothing are the daily norm.
A., my dove, I think you need to hear from Rev. Mothers on this one. My only thoughts are that you wear comfortable shoes, don’t feel that it’s necessary to purchase a whole pregnancy wardrobe if you can get by with a few classic pieces (the idea is that you wear them so much that by the time the baby is born you are HAPPY to get rid of them forever!), and just be sure to take good care of yourself as you both minister to your people and grow this baby.
We’re thrilled for you, and now… the comments are open!
Darling fellas, this came in recently:
I’m looking for advice on where to find stylish men’s dress shoes that are also comfortable for spending all day on one’s feet… and that also fit folks with super-wide feet. If you don’t know, I’m sure your stylish readers do.
I’m preparing for my first Sunday in the pulpit in my new ministry and want to look *fabulous*. The worn-down Eccos I have are just not cutting it right now (and the Skechers are just not dressy enough to preach in). Brand suggestions are more than welcome. Thanks!
in peace,
M.
M., my dove, have you checked the very hand-dandy archives?
And guys, can ya help?
Dear Mary R.,
I hope you get two e-mails from me regarding your July 12th note about your impending interview. I gave you my phone number. Please call.
I feel terrible that your e-mail was in my spam folder. xoxo PB