Fighting Frump – Page 5 – Beauty Tips For Ministers

January 19, 2015January 19, 2015

Things I Did Sartorially To Express My Respect For Dr. King Today

I’m so tired writing this. I hope the Pizza Fairy comes soon or I might have to go downstairs and make my own din-din.

Anyway, I attended a swanky MLK Day event today and here’s a list of some of the things that went through my mind as I got dressed:

I will wear clericals so that I can be easily identified by community folks who want to network with local clergy.

I will wear a suit. Blech.

This skirt needs to be taken in. It is the right length but too floppy in the sides. Note to self: visit the tailor.

I will wear pantyhose out of respect for Dr. King. Blech, I hate pantyhose.

I will swap my funky heels for more sedate knee-high boots because this is not an occasion for tights and funky shoes. It is an occasion for non-attention -getting shoes, and I’m going to be walking around later so I need to wear flats. It is cold, so I won’t wear flat shoes but flat boots.

I will wear a little touch of bling out of respect for Dr. King.

I will do Full Effort Hair and Make-Up out of respect for Dr. King.

Oh no. This hairdo makes me look like a Founding Father.

January 6, 2015

The Pantone Color Of The Year: Drink It Or Wear It?

Darlings, I just KNOW that you were eagerly awaiting this post on this Super Important Fashion News that I plan to think about for zero seconds and then promptly ignore!

Pantone, the cool people of the Pantone universe of color, have announced that MARSALA is the Pantone Color of the Year.

There it is, looking actually kind of yummy, but don’t you be fooled!

The fact is, this color comes way too close to Dead Liver to look good with many complexions, and I haven’t seen one model of color wearing it in any of the fashion spreads.

Yea, skinny white lady. You look fine, especially with no head.

I love this print by Marc Jacobs. Chic! Grab this sort of thing if you see it; it’s SO hard to find sophisticated prints in rich colors.

Jesus looks pretty good in this hue, actually:

I think for many of us, though, this is a snappy accent color best worn away from the face. Think shoes and bags and other accessories:

Lust! These are by Seychelles and are on sale today at Gilt.com for $39. Don’t say I never did nothin’ for ya.

Sexy booties if that’s your thang:

Or, you know, a watch:

Women of all skin tones can rock this color below the waist — again, I caution that it can age or wash out many complexions. Of course this skirt is too short for the likes of us, Reverend Ladies:

Marsala would be beautiful in tights, huh? I’d wear them with navy or black or charcoal.

As ALWAYS with trends, you must interpret for yourself. Never blindly adopt a trend without working on it so that it suits you personally. Many a fashion disaster is avoided that way. For instance, you can go with marsala in a brighter version with more cherry in it to flatter your own coloring. This color is gorgeous on many people and avoids the purplish corpsey undertones of the Pantone version.

I myself will be insisting that all my Personal Butlers be clad in Marsala aprons when they bring me my tea in this year of Marsala.

Thank you, Garrett. That will be all. You can get started on dinner now.

December 9, 2014December 9, 2014

Studying Your Screenshots

Sugar Cookies, I decided to take some screenshots from last Sunday’s sermon because I loved the big Advent wreath and my pointsettia stole and I thought that my bun made me look like Mrs. Claus in “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” and I also thought it would be good to have some “Rev. Vicki in action” photos for our church Facebook Page.

I came up with a little photo album that really surprised me. I know that I am soaked with sweat after leading worship, but I really didn’t realize how much physical energy and movement goes into preaching! These images were a nice shock, as I never would have guessed that I gesticulated so much and was this animated.

I am always talking about energy and embodied-ment (I know that’s not a word, but go with it) and having an alive and open face, but I know that those things can be challenging for shy persons and people who have never worked with their bodies as performance instruments. I so well remember a choreographer I worked with in college who said to me, “Never make a half gesture. Take it all the way or don’t start one at all.” I worked hard to take her advice until it became part of me. Don’t hold back and make half-way commitments to movement. It looks hesitant and can give the impression that you’re not fully committed to what you’re saying.

I share this little photo album with you* to encourage you to also make a photo album of screenshots from your own preaching videos. Obviously, the photo quality isn’t going to be fabulous. That’s not the point. The point is to be able to observe yourself in a (compassionately) critical way and to ask: am I alive? Do I seem to be engaged beyond my mouth? Am I in my body? Or am I standing in one place, glued to the text, is my expression blasÃ© and am I a talking head?

On my Mac, you can make a screenshot by pressing Command Shift 4 and using the little box that comes up to grab the image. You’ll hear camera shutter clicking sound and the screenshot will save wherever you like on your hard drive or desk top. I upload mine to Dropbox.

Send me some good ones!

My alter ego, here:

*These images are my intellectual property and are protected by copyright. I hate to have to say that but there’s always one person who thinks he can use them without my consent.

December 1, 2014December 1, 2014

“Sorry, I Couldn’t Hear You Over Your Mustache”

See, because when you’re trying to have a conversation with someone about systemic racism, you can’t be wearing this and have the kind of impact you want to have:

Because the person talking to you will — consciously or unconsciously — read you as a person who is totally warm and cozy and non-threatening and frumpy. Not someone they need to take seriously. Not someone who looks like they take their own professional identity seriously. It’s like, “Sure, grandma, give me some pie.”

When this guy tries to talk to me about his views on justice and righteousness, I think, “Oh honey, you are being so upstaged by your painfully hip look.” This look is perfectly fine if you’re ministering to a 100% young hipster community. Otherwise, edit. You can’t speak truth to power from behind that much mustache wax and be taken seriously by the older generation or the many people who find hipsters super irritating. You can certainly try, but why not cool it with the ‘stache wax when you’re working?

“I’m impressed with your ideas and I’m really glad you care so much about racial equality but you forgot to put your pants on today, so I’m not going to remember this conversation as much for its content as for my embarrassment that your butt was showing.”

It’s TRUTH, darlings! In every one of these responses I am just channeling the inner voices of many people we all know and with whom we would like to have some influence.

The world awaits your prophetic ministry. Don’t upstage yourself with frumpy, pretentious or cluelessly “fashionable” attire.

October 4, 2014

The Worst Shoulders For Everyone

Do you see this garment? It’s the worst.
Why is it the worst, you might ask?

Darlings, look at the shoulder seams. Do you see those? That’s what’s called a “dropped shoulder.” What that style does is make your upper body look broader and more burly, and even when a top has a supposedly slimming V-neck (this one has two v’s! and it doesn’t help!), the dropped shoulder makes everyone who wears it look sloppy and like their clothes don’t fit. No matter what your shape or size, stay away from these nefarious seams. Get garments that are fitted through the shoulder.

Speaking of which, ladies, if a top you love comes down too far on the chest and reveals bazoom, the problem may often be remedied by a trip to the tailor. The shirt may fit perfectly in the chest but have excess fabric in the shoulder that can be hemmed out. Voila, no more Festival of Inappropriate Sharing! Hike up the shoulders and sew them in place.

That floppy green shirt with the hideous dropped shoulder and floppy 3/4 sleeves is hurting my feelings.