Because you're in the public eye, and God knows you need to look good.
Peach pies,
PeaceBang would just like to you know that even though she wrenched her lower back the other day and even though she feels all achey and would love to wear her bright green Crocs to her Board Meeting, she is NOT GOING TO. Even though they MATCH her outfit.
She is going to take more Advil and put on REAL SHOES, because she would not insult the hard-working people of her Parish Committee by showing up in HEINOUS PLASTIC CLOGS.
I WILL BE STRONG.
Maureen McCormick, honey, you don’t NEED to go on “Celebrity Fit Club.” You’re fine; you don’t need to go on a special television show to lose weight and humiliate yourself. Just cut back on the Twizzlers and the tuna melts. PeaceBang only wishes she was that “overweight!”
You may, however, choose to enroll in “Celebrity Eyeshadow Rehab,” where they’ll teach you that it’s really not necessary to match your eye shadow to your dress. There can even be a big televised finale where you fling your hideous blue eyeshadow into the garbage, fully reformed.
Also, Maureen? White go-go boots? And… no, I’m not even going to talk about the dress. You’re Marcia Brady and that gives you special immunity.
[Thanks to the Fug Girls for the photo]
Darlings, March came in like a lion and is going out like another lion! Whooee, is it windy! PeaceBang put her garbage out on the curb last night and was afraid all night that the wind would blow it all over the yard, which would have been just disgusting! And given her stomach virus, even more disgusting than usual!
Was that my out-loud voice speaking those uncouth thoughts?
I do apologize, dears. And here it is just around dinner time, too.
Well, PeaceBang will not be eating dinner, but at least she’s feeling well enough to stamp around the house yelling, “I WANT REAL FOOD! I AM TIRED OF PRETZELS AND SALTINES! I WANT LINGUINI WITH CLAM SAUCE!” Funny, because linguini with clam sauce was a favorite in the Weinstein household growing up, but it is not a dish PeaceBang has ever eaten in her entire adult life. She must be hankering for Tastes of Home. More specifically, she is hankering for the comforting sounds of Shirley in the kitchen. Well, that just does it. I am making some plain linguini as soon as I finish this posting, digestive tract be damned. If God hadn’t wanted us to eat linguini five days into a mysterious intestinal infection, He wouldn’t have given us Immodium and Gatorade.
This letter came to us today from the wilds of North Hampshire, or New Hampshire, I think they call it. One of those perfectly charming New England states, anyway. Our note reads:
Dear Peacebang,
I’m [SS], a fellow UU minister serving in New Hampshire, and I had to write to you to tell you I am a huge fan of Beauty Tips for Ministers. I came back from maternity leave to my ministry this fall, and found myself (despite the reduction in my sleep) re-energized for church work. Woo-hoo! But a few months later, I realized I needed to re-energize my own bodily self as well, to get back to showing the world “I feel great in the body God gave me” instead of “good God, what did pregnancy do to me”? And BTFM was there to help. You have inspired me to get an actual hairstyle and an actual hairdryer, and to pay attention to how I look as I go out the door every day, baby or no baby. Thanks!
By the way, the makeup items I cannot live without are Touch Base for Eyes by Clinique in Petal Shimmer and Juicy Tubes lipgloss by Lancome in Tickled Pink. Plus some concealer and mascara, this is my weekday, no-one-will-be-taking-my-picture regimen.
Now readers, how cute is this woman? She is full of energy, she has a new babe, she took the time to write an appreciative letter to PeaceBang, and she beautifully articulates the message we communicate when we make that extra effort to add a little shine and polish to our look. I couldn’t have said it better, so let me repeat her words, “I feel great in the body God gave me.”
Brava, Reverend Mama, thanks for the recommendations and the note, and all good blessings on you, your ministry and your new little one!
Kiss of peace,
xoxox PB
Our reader recommends:
Clinique Touch Base for Eyes in Petal Shimmer
Lancome Juicy Tubes lip gloss in Tickled Pink
Pigeons of Heaven!
PeaceBang has one of those nasty flu bugs that, just last evening, had her resembling Linda Blair’s character in “The Exorcist” — you remember that pea soup scene, don’t you ?– and is happy and appreciative to feature this guest column by Rev. Gidget. Thanks so much for writing in, Gidgie!
“Rev. Gidget Does Goodwill”
Having just brought in a magnificent haul from my Goodwill store, I wondered if your gentle readers (esp. the students) might like some tips for thrift store shopping.
1. Don’t go in thinking you are going to find a specific item – you will be sorely frustrated. Instead, have several categories in mind, and be open to surprise. I once found a beautiful Liz Claiborne long black dress with a square neck and short sleeves that was perfect with a stole for leading summer worship in our blazing hot sanctuary. $10!
2. Use the Goodwill to supplement your wardrobe. I find blouses, pants, t-shirts, jackets, dresses, scarves and skirts, that all blend nicely with my new stuff. Also, buying used clothes when you need casual items gives you more money to spend on your professional wardrobe.
3. Be patient, go when you have a few hours to spend. I tried on four times as many things as I bought. The pleasure of the hunt is half the fun.
4. Be extremely picky. Yes, people WILL notice the tiny stain on that lovely shirt. Examine all items carefully in the light before purchasing. No, you probably WON’T lose the weight needed to make that dress look really good on you. I don’t care if it’s $5. I once bought anything that fit okay, looked all right, wasn’t too dowdy, etc. Alas, I found I had a closet full of such items, and I never wanted to wear them. Rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t buy it new, don’t buy it because it’s cheap.
5. Not really a tip, but an observation – people who will especially want to check out the Goodwill (and thrift stores in general) are (1) men who wear classic items like khaki pants, buttoned Lands End-type shirts, the occasional high-end label sportjacket, coat, and ties and (2) men or women who wear small sizes. I have sighed over itty-bitty items that are usually the cream of the used clothing crop. People do tend to get bigger more often than they get smaller, and you could be the lucky recipient of some very fabulous clothes.
Fondly, Rev. Gidget
I couldn’t agree more:
http://boyinthebands.com/archives/a-sip-of-water-in-the-pulpit/
