Because you're in the public eye, and God knows you need to look good.
Thanks to P. for alerting me to this hilarious blog.
It might lift your spirits on a bad day. You can think to yourself, “No matter how mediocre this outfit is, at least I’m not being featured on Ugly Outfits NYC.”
But ack, check out those atrocious umbrellas? Remember when I told you that umbrellas can be a (Jersey accent) classy accessory? F’real!
Yoohoo! Reverend babes of the female persuasion!
Did you happen to see this feature on the internet today?
It was really quite wonderful — a perfect visual for what I talk about a lot but can’t always find images to validate. Go have a look and then come back here and we’ll tawk.
That first woman in the geometric dress was just silly. It’s not like any of you are walking around in that kind of get-up (either the “before” or the “after”), so we can skip that one. But how about the gal in the too-long blazer and black dress with the heels? Doesn’t she look a world better in the “after” shot, even though I’m not a big fan of the length (or piping) of her new jacket?
Even better is the next image with Miss Tee-Shirt and sweats. You’ve seen someone who went out in public like that, haven’t you? I mean, it wasn’t you, but you’ve seen it.
Now look at her “after” ensemble. Very cute, no? The shoes are too casual for your workday (I’d wear cork wedges), but the skirt’s a great, flattering length, the color is cheerful, the fit and cut of everything is flattering. (The slim pink belt is too adorable!)
Next up we have the Turtleneck Lady with an ugly skirt that looks suspiciously like a garment I used to own. If we all banned broomstick skirts from our closets, Reverend Sisters, I do think the world would be better for it. Let the gorgeous young things at Lilith Faire wear those skirts with tiny little camisole tops, I say. We older gals should retire them already. Because, I mean, we could follow the example of that woman in the photo and look SO much better in a polished outfit — and I think we could all do her one better, even, by adding some color or interesting accessories to our own looks. She’s a bit bland, non? But still, cripes, what an improvement!
Uh-oh! I spy with my little eye some very unattractive “mom jeans” on that next model. Are you guilty of this look, the Sweater That Ate New York and the faded frumpy jeans? Oy! Help her, Jesus! But then, get a gander of that same gal in the next photo in her Little Black Dress. Is she not GALAXIES more beautiful and impressive in clothes that FIT her? Let that be our inspiration, ladies. We may be women of the cloth but sometimes we overdo it on the cloth, if you know what I mean. Unless we’re excruciatingly statuesque we should NOT be wearing sweaters that hit us at thigh level. Be strong. Eighties styles are coming back, but this is one we should not embrace for the sake of nostalgia, comfort, or even warmth. Certainly not at professional appearances, at any rate.
The next fashion example is dressed in a way that is likely to be familiar to many of us. Bland, bland, bland. Again, the super-frumpy mom jeans. This look doesn’t communicate anything but, “Hi, I managed to get dressed today.” But wowza, look at her “after” photo!! I can’t stop looking at her! LOVE the color combination, LOVE the haircut, LOVE the interesting cut of the jacket, LOVE the drama of the long scarf (which I could never get away with as a petite no-neck meatball). How much fun is she? You may not choose to get quite that snazzy and pizazzy, but do note the great flair and consider your own version of it. Why be bla and invisible when you can Show Up?
Finally, we have a plaid disaster that seems chosen purely for ugliness factor, which is unfair to that model. What wouldn’t be an improvement on that? I love that she gets transformed into a big-hair glamazon. Again, maybe a bit much for you and me but you know what? MAYBE NOT!
Given that I’ve been interrupted to attend to the bodily functions of toddlers three times while composing this post, I will consider myself over and out.
Kiss of Peace!
Auntie PeaceBang
Dear Duckies,
Mrs. Philocrites has asked me to speak about clerical dickies. You know, these little items that you buy for way too much money so that you don’t have to wear a whole shirt with a clerical collar?
Now, PeaceBang doesn’t wear a collar on a regular basis and has more mellow opinions about how to wear them than she does about other items of clergy attire. If PeaceBang felt obligated to wear a collar every day, she might also get overly-creative and make the blooper of which Mrs. Philocrites complains in a recent comment, which is to wear a sundress with a dickie collar.
Sacre bleu! Sacred blue cheese! That doesn’t sound like a good idea, duckies!
Because really, isn’t a clerical collar all about the projecting the dignity of the ordained ministry, and isn’t a sundress all about being a cute summery girl in strappy flat sandals? If you wear the two together, I fear the image you’re projecting is Cute Summer Minister, and I think that’s more about wanting to be seen as cute and feminine and being comfortable than living into the image of the office. What do you think, gals? Care to defend? I’d be interested to hear. It just seems like confused image to me.
(Of course, if you’re wearing a sundress and Birkenstocks or the like, rather than lovely sandals or shoes, I’m afraid that you’re definitely kayaking around the Isle of Frump.)
When I saw the comment from Mrs. Philocrites I remembered a conversation we had a month ago where she told me that some women actually wear dickie collars under items of clothes that gap and SHOW SKIN. Let me clarify. To provide a real-life example in response to my disbelieving face, she told me about a female priest who wears a loose tee-shirt with a deep scoop neck that obviously reveals that our good Rev. is wearing a dickie. And over that (help me, Lord), a jumper.
Pastors, don’t let this happen to you!! Holy social faux pas, Batman! The whole point of a dickie is to spare you the discomfort of an extra layer of clothing, not merely to provide the means for you to slap a collar around your neck. The public should not be able to tell that a priest is wearing a dickie any more than they should know a professional woman is wearing a bra by the sight of her bra straps (which should never, under any circumstance, be visible on professional women in the workplace).
Dickie duckies, do tuck those dickies in and look sharp for Jesus. And please, talk amongst yourselves about the outer limits of pairing Cute with Clericals.
(Here are some lovely young priests in collars. PeaceBang is not fond of the gray color — too industrial, and she urges slim-enough priests to tuck in their shirts whenever possible — the “outie” style just looks so unfinished. Both of these gals would look so much smarter if they tucked in their shirts and added terrific belts. In fact, tucked-in works for all but the most plump among us, I think).
A darling reader (literally: that’s her last name!) alerted me to this hilarious rant against Crocs from the Washington Post.com.
Here’s where Ms. Givhans really winds up and lets us have it:
“Did someone say comfortable? Because this is a culture quick to justify wearing virtually anything in the name of comfort — pajama bottoms as pants, sneakers as business footwear, leggings in lieu of trousers, Uggs with miniskirts — Crocs now rival flip-flops as the most annoyingly omnipresent style of summer footwear. City streets are inundated with shuffling phalanxes of men and women with bright orange, yellow and red Bozo feet.
The shoes can look cute on children. But all those adults walking around in Crocs, going on about how comfortable they are, look like overgrown children. They are like the workday Peter Pans who carry backpacks in the city. Not grown-up leather backpacks, but the kind made of nylon with water bottles stuck inside a web of bungee cords and a canister of Bear Be Gone hanging off the side. They have mistaken their walk to the office for a climb to the summit of the Grand Tetons.
Why, oh why, must people assimilate perfectly reasonable, functional and cheeky sports attire into street clothes? Why couldn’t they keep their Crocs on the boat or in the garden?”
Girl, I FEEL YOU!
The occasion for the rant? It seems that Prez Bush went out for a bike ride wearing Crocs and SOCKS.
Lord have mercy.
You have to understand, my dear and compassionate readers, that PeaceBang has been feeling old and huge and sloggy lately. She has a rash on her chest that she thinks she got from testing a new tanning product, or possibly from wearing itchy African beads. Her face has broken out into a bizarre rosacea situation as a result of having her hair colored today. She is just one big bundle of kvetch.
This is what the cartoon bubble over my head said today,
“Oy, my back is still sore… why did I schlep all that recycling out last night…I should have left it until next week.. oh, but I’ll be at the Festival of Homiletics all next week… what am I going to WEAR? My hotel is a long walk from all the events and all my footwear is CUTE and IMPRACTICAL… and I can’t wear SNEAKERS… now that I’m PeaceBang I can’t just schlump in in any old thing… I have to be put-together… and oh Lord, I wonder if my summer stuff is even going to FIT…”
It was a banner self-esteem day, I tell ya. I stopped by the Andrew Zona studio on my way to picking up dinner (who can COOK when you’re kvetching?) and asked the advice of a lovely aesthetician named Lorna who told me, by the way, not to ice my flare-up. She also told me that I should keep my make-up brushes off the vanity table because dust can be a big irritant to super-sensitive skin. So I pass that on to you, pigeons.
ANYWAY, you must regard me with the heart of compassion and forgiveness when I tell you that after looking and looking and looking over a period of months for cute, professionally appropriate sandals that I can walk a mile or so in, I finally broke down and got these:
They are frumpy. I know it. I accept it. And yet, on the scale of frumpiness they are pretty low, I’d say, and their comfort factor is so very high that it was worth the exchange to me. They look rather cute on. They are called “Lolita” by Dansko. Who are they kidding with that sexy name? Lolita who? Lolita Steinowitz of Boca Raton, maybe? Surely not THE Lolita of Nabakov’s novel?
So you can tease me if you want for totally going into Classic Frumpy Clergy Footwear. Bring on the sass. I can take it.
Because my feet won’t hurt while I’m at the Festival of Homiletics, and that’s all I care about right now. That, and Dove Mini-Dark Chocolate bars.