Category: Fighting Frump

Beloved pigeons,

As the spring arrives and crocuses (croci?) raise their darling little heads and you are tempted to clean out the attic and the basement and the kitchen cabinets with such fervor that you throw out your back and have to preach the Easter sermon doped up on cocktail of Naproxin and morphine, let us consider together the use of cull-ah in our warm-weather wardrobes.

(It isn’t color in Boston. It’s “cullah.”)

And really, it’s best used as an accent.

PeaceBang has finally figured this out, and she is so excited! Color is good. We need more color in our clothing. Color has energy in it, it evokes emotions, it speaks of life and vibrancy. But head-to-toe color is too much. It confuses the eye, it is often unflattering to the body, and by far worst of all, it upstages the face. Wearing lots of bright colors – considered by some to be creative, fun and zany — generally doesn’t work for clergy. Do you want to be visited in the hospital by the Pink and Green Shirt and Skirt Combo? Or do you want to see your beloved pastor? Don’t overdo the brights. Do add them into your wardrobe as you are able, but don’t go nuts.

Neutrals and colors are wonderful together. Try a tailored charcoal gray suit with a bright yellow blouse, very au courant. A black suit with an orange or bright aquamarine silk shell underneath. Navy separates with lime green accents. Brown with touches of lavender.
Have fun, and enjoy. Adding dashes of bright color means that you can wear the same basic pieces again and again and again, changing them up with your accents of cull-ah.

Bright, bright yellow is very “in” this spring. Great color, but dear God, wear it away from your face unless you’re very dark-skinned.

PeaceBang attended a day event at a seminary yesterday and is sorry to have to report an epidemic of Long Sweaters On Petite Women happening in Cambridge, Massachusetts, where she spotted at least four women suffering from the ailment.

Lovely people of diminutive stature, please hear me: wearing sweaters that hit you six inches above the knee make you look like a child dressed in mommy’s clothing. They diminish you. You don’t want that!

Yesterday, I needed to speak to a lovely and earnest person in a position of leadership about an unpleasant tiff I had with a staff person during the conference (who knew that telling someone that taking dozens of flash photos during a lecture is distracting could earn you a vile epithet at a well-regarded school of divinity? Now that’s what I call Christian hospitality!). When I approached her, the first thing that crossed my mind was “Oh my. This little girl is totally not going to be able to deal with this.”

That’s not the first impression you want to make when you’re trying to inspire confidence and project mature presence.

Pleated plaid knee-length skirts and cowl-neck sweaters that swath three-quarters of the body is not an outfit that works for clergywomen of any size. There is no other garment on God’s green earth that says “Catholic School Girl” or just “School Girl” so instantly as the plaid pleated skirt of any length, and PeaceBang firmly believes that it does not belong in any minister’s wardrobe. Yes, I see by doing a Google Image Search that Nanette Lepore makes a gorgeous, fitted plaid skirt, but we’re not exactly buying Nanette Lepore, are we, amigas?

As for sweaters, your waist is a fine place for them to conclude their warm envelop of your body.

Petites, it’s a constant challenge for you, and I know you know this: if your clothes are too big, you’re always going to risk looking like a little kid.

PeaceBang is really very tired right now, but she’s a little bit wired and suspects that laying her head on the pillow would yield no sleep until she’s unwound a bit.
And how better to unwind than to cozy up to you, my dear ones, with a cup of chamomile tea and a couple of observations about

A LITTLE PROBLEM WE SEEM TO BE HAVING WITH CLERGY TROUSERS CHOICES.

PeaceBang is taking deep, cleansing breaths.

She is going to try to stay calm as she says this.

Clergy should not wear sweat pants for their daily work of ministry. Sweat pants are pants that are black stretchy cotton and that taper at the ankle. Perhaps you didn’t know that those are sweat pants. PeaceBang assures you that they are, and that they are not appropriate for public appearances of any kind except the gym.

Women clergy should not go about pastoral business in Levi 501 jeans. Sorry, gals. Men can get away with it. We cannot, unless they are paired with structured, dressier tops. Please, we love denim. But Levis 501s and ancient, faded Lee jeans are not appropriate denim garments for anyone in a public leadership role. They are what your grandmother used to refer to as “dungarees.” Save them for gardening, or grocery shopping, or a day when you won’t be in church.

Dear ones. It’s not complicated. Your pants should fit. They should not be pegged at the ankle unless you’re such a fashion maven that you actually went out and bought yourself a new pair of the “skinny jeans” that were all the rage among extremely slim and fit 20-somethings this past year. Trousers should not end at the top of your ankle. If they have shrunk over the years, for heaven’s sake thank them for their loyal service and retire them!

PeaceBang understands that it’s hard toiling in the vineyards of the LORD and that we all want to be comfy. But please, for the love of Merv Griffin, be better prepared to represent religious leadership than sweat pants and dungarees.

Regardez, my doves:

If you’re wearing denim pants — PeaceBang is this close to not calling them jeans anymore — aim for denim that is dark and long enough. (No need to get these particular jeans with the snazzy pocket that draws attention to the posterior, but the length and wash are great here).
This little gal whose image I randomly nabbed off Google Image Search is friendly and actually more polished than several clergypeople I saw at a meeting the other day (!), but those jeans are too faded and inappropriate for work. Save them for private life.

Okay, honeybuns? Can we work on this PANTS SITUATION so that I can stop feeling the need to call Wolf Blitzer?