Flip Flops and Other Footwear Wrongnesses

Well darlings, you KNOW that someone sent this Boston Globe article to PeaceBang knowing that she would crow in solidarity and total agreement!

HELL, YEA. Flip flops do not belong on adult feet unless those feet are headed to the beach, into a shower, or into the backyard. This is PeaceBang’s attempt to speak for Beauty. Beauty does not shuffle along on dirty soles that skid along the pavement and give dignified persons the gait of a drunken cow. Flip flops are ugliness incarnate, unsafe and unsanitary.

But I also wanted to mention a much less objectionable choice of footwear, which are the new woven elasticized shoes that Bernie Mev has made so popular.

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Cute, right?
Comfy, right?
A little frumpy, sure, but not so bad, right?

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Nothing wrong with that, right?

Two things:

1. Be careful in these. Your foot is not stable in that material, so unless you have strong ankles and feet, avoid them for anything that requires your being on your feet or walking much.

2. These shoes are cute. They’re fine for most things a minister would do in the course of the day but they are not appropriate for formal rites of passage or your most serious professional appearances. They are also not safe for wear in situations that require you to wear close-toed shoes, such as serving in a soup kitchen and possibly working in a hospital, but I would check on the latter.

Don’t let me catch any of y’all burying someone in any open-toed or cloth shoes. You know better than that, right?

NO ESPADRILLES. Too casual. Too summery.

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NOT EVEN LEATHER ESPADRILLES.
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NO TOM’S.

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NO DADDY BOAT SHOES.
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THESE SPERRY TOPSIDERS ARE FINE.

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I’m still thinking about the funeral that minister did in madras shorts and I think, Yea, better say it just in case.

3 Replies to “Flip Flops and Other Footwear Wrongnesses”

  1. I bought a pair of Bernie Mev woven shoes (in black) for my holiday last year. They made my feet swell up so badly that I could not wear them.
    They are not for everyone. (Besides being very ugly indeed.)

  2. I was hoppin’ mad when the officiant at my uncle’s funeral wore flip-flops. The sad thing is he is really a good guy (who I had imagined would know better), someone I know professionally through regional denominational circles.

    I did wonder if graveside he did feel a bit embarrassed to be in a short sleeve shirt with tie, stole and flops on when there were 6 pall bearers in black suits as well as an impeccably dressed military honor guard.

    [BLOODY HELL THIS MAKES ME SO FLIPPING MAD. – PB]

  3. I keep a pair of “funeral shoes” in my car they are black wedges(walking in heels in cemeteries is ungraceful and potentially embarrassing) nice, plain, and leather they peep out respectfully from underneath my alb. [PERFECTO. – PB]

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