You guys, I just have to tell you here that I have a chronic case of Possessed Sunday Hair! We need to call the Hair Exorcist!!! The rest of the week, I have regular hair. It has some good days and a lot of mediocre to bad days, because it is fine and thick and slippery and doesn’t hold any style no matter what length it is.
On Sundays, I try to style my hair. Perhaps this is my big mistake. Maybe I should stop trying to style it and let it be floppy and bad and free from the tortures of spray and teasing and bobby pins and conditioning unguents and volumizing potions and curling irons. I DON’T KNOW. I ASK YOUR GUIDANCE, LORD. Because EVERY SINGLE video of me preaching reveals a laugh out loud Hair Situation happening at the back or side of my head.
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN, GOD?
I spend time on my hair at home. I do things to it. It looks fine when I leave the house. I drive 1.7 miles to church, get robed, put on my microphone and CHECK MY HAIR. If it is sticking out or looking crazy, I brush it out and put it back up or fix it in some way. I always go out to the service having done “last looks” and yet — and yet — SOMEHOW BY THE POWERS OF SATAN, by the time I preach the sermon that gets videotaped, my hair has done some kind of magical contortion so that I look like a maniac on the video.
It flings itself out from barrettes. It unwinds itself from carefully rolled and pinned and sprayed chignons (you should see the Easter video! It’s LOL hair!). It dies of mousse abuse* and lies there on my head like a run-over muskrat. It separates into stringy sections for no reason and under no provocation whatsoever.
Do any of you experience this phenomenon? Do I need to start wearing a wig to church? One would think, from all this madness, that I am racing around the sanctuary tossing my head like a circus pony. But I am not, I promise you. I am fairly sedate. I do not throw my head around.
When my life is over and people are tempted to murmur to each other, “She talked about grooming all the time but my God, did you ever see HER HAIR?” I just want them to know that I tried. I tried and I did my best but Satan and his minions jumped on my head every Sunday just to taunt me.
*a great Bette Midler witticism from “Mud Will Be Flung Tonight,” my all-time favorite comedy album.
Hmm… I don’t know what to suggest (except maybe your suggestion of giving up on styling).
Blessings be upon your head!
Self-acceptance. Learn what it wants to do. Let it. And like makeup and other styling, coax it to the best version of that.
Perhaps you need a Church Hat.
I feel your pain, sister. I, too, have thick, fine hair. After 47 years of trying to curl, tease, and spray my hair into submission, I have to admit that ‘I fought my hair and my hair won.’ I have tried tons of hair products and every curling device made in the last 20 years. And I have yet to find a clip, comb, rubber band, etc. that will stay in my hair. Nothing worked long enough for me to get out of the house before I had a hair malfunction.
I now wear my hair long and straight with a little shaping. A good cut is still important for longer hair. I use a tiny bit of Kerastase Nutritive Nectar Thermique. I think it’s ridiculously expensive but I find it helps with the fine hair fly-aways and makes my hair lusciously soft.
So, I say quit fighting and go with what your hair naturally wants to do. Life is too short to spend it constantly fighting your hair.
No great ideas spring to mind, but much empathy. I too have experienced leaving the house for church with a mental image of how my hair appears, only to see a sadly different reality in photographs. Satan’s handiwork if I ever saw it.
This is why I have a pixie cut.
Have you considered a wimple? [“How do you solve a problem like PeaceBang!?” I always knew I was a Mother, Superior! – PB]
I have had a hair epiphany lately. You know that expensive “wen” stuff they advertise on TV–IT IS JUST CONDITIONER. you can wash your hair with just conditioner, any conditioner (deep conditioner is too heavy). It is better for the color, keeps it looking good longer, and it has rejuvenated my hair which was frizzy but now is wavy. When my stylist suggested it I was incredulous but it is great. You have to use a ton and rub it in thoroughly and rinse really well, but it doesn’t take more time than both shampooing and conditioning. My hair is more consistent day to day than it ever has been.
In similar situations, I have found that applying a nice good sized dab of Vaseline to the camera lens works wonders. 😉
I just stick my glasses on top of my very fine, sort-of curly, short, sprayed hair to contain it. Seems to work, and I can always find my glasses when I need them. It’s my trademark.
I just stick my glasses on top of my very fine, sort-of curly, short, sprayed hair to contain it. Seems to work, and I can always find my glasses when I need them. It’s my trademark.
I was reminded this morning of the definition of insanity. . .doing the same thing, over and over expecting a different outcome. . .?!?! My thin, fine,slightly curly hair tends to do it’s own thing. . .so they see me much like they would see me during the week. . .pulled away from my face with a festive (but appropriate) headband. My problem is that nothing helps or goes right once I begin sweating (no, I do not glow, I sweat. . .always been warm and “that time” of my life doesn’t help, neither do the big lights on me up there in the chancel) at my head, and anything nice about my hair falls immediately. Oh yes, I am wearing a tank top, skirt with no hose under that robe. . . still sweating! Soon I will ditch the robe for our more casual approach to worship over the summer, but I know I will still sweat, and worry about where the makeup has slid to and that my hair is plastered against my head. Sigh.
why not go for the Helena Rubinstein look? sleek and elegant but maybe you aren’t quite old enough for that – another decade and then think about it [Oh my dear, if I could even aspire to ONE IOTA of Helena R’s eleganza…!! – PB]
How about not washing your hair after, say, Thursday? Sounds gross, I know, but the natural oils in your hair might actually help. Or not. But maybe worth a try? (And as other commentators mentioned: I, too, sweat a ridiculous amount, so no amount of styling is going to help, and therefore I sport a pixie cut!!) Good luck!!