Dearest pigeons!
J. writes with this blessing/dilemma.
Message: Happy Summer,
I’ve found myself, for the second time now, in my third trimester of pregnancy in the heat of the summer. [Oh my gosh, how did THAT happen? 🙂 – PB] I had my daughter in August a couple of years ago and am now expecting a son in September. Last time around, I was only preaching once in a while, and always behind a pulpit. Now, I am in a church with a much more laid-back summer worship style. This will also be my first summer there. In the past, the pastor has not robed during the summer and preaches from the floor in front of the pews.This morning, the first Sunday of our “summer worship schedule” I wore a long flowy skirt and a short sleeved, professional looking maternity top. I left the house feeling confident that I was appropriately covered up and classy looking to preach with just a stole and cross necklace. As worship time approached I started feeling very self-conscious about my protruding belly and (frankly, growing breasts) and threw on my robe last minute. I just felt too nervous to go into the service so…exposed, even if I was showing barely any skin, and no cleavage.
I’d like to get over this self-conscious hump, because there is no way that I will continue to be able to wear my robe (for fit reasons and for heat reasons!) as the summer goes on. I’m wondering if you can speak a little bit to my self-consciousness and perhaps make suggestions about dressing for the laid-back summer pulpit– both pregnant and not.
Thanks in advance!
Dear J.,
First of all, congratulations on your healthy, happy pregnancy and new job! That’s a lot going on all at once, so I hope you are connecting with sources of spiritual, emotional and professional support as you navigate all this challenging terrain.
I am thinking of you showing up in your maternity top and flowy skirt to preach in this morning and suddenly getting an attack of insecurity, and I am not surprised. I think any of us can have a sudden sense of vulnerability in a new environment, and pregnancy has to compound that possibility many times over. Honor the wisdom of the body, I always say. Our minds and spirits may be feeling very well adjusted to a new ministry setting, but I think the body has its own version of what’s going on that the mind doesn’t always know or recognize. I believe that our bodies have a deep animal wisdom that manifests in all sorts of interesting ways (anxiety attacks, lack of appetite or insatiable hunger, aches and pains, rashes) by way of getting our mental attention and clueing us in to the truth of a situation or setting. It behooves us to pay close attention and respect what the body is communicating.
An attack of preacherly nerves is a very common way for the body to communicate the stress of feeling suddenly overwhelmed by all the responsibilities of bringing the gospel on any given Sunday morning (nothing unusual). The fact that this particular attack of nerves connected to body insecurity about your pregnant belly seems to me natural and understandable. You are entering a new season of preaching, bringing with it changes in professional practices (no pulpit to protect and shield you, more exposed) and you are entering a new season of pregnancy — the final tri-mester when any woman would understandably be extemely aware of the enormity of what she carries within her. The enormity is both psychic and physical — you have a big baby boy in your belly! He is starting to make himself known as an active being whose demands on you are another level of profound responsibility and another kind of vocation. Perhaps in that moment of standing there in your perfectly fine short-sleeved maternity shirt and cross you were simply overwhelmed by all the demands being made of you as a woman of God — demands of soul, mind, body and spirit. in that moment, your instinct was to cover up. A healthy instinct indeed, as that robe became a garment of comforting refuge and cover in a moment when you felt terribly exposed.
Okay, so that’s fine. But going forward, you know that it’s just too hot to wear a robe for the summer services. Here’s what I would recommend:
First, when you get to church and right before you lead worship, lace your hands over you belly and breathe calmly and deeply. Pray in some way that acknowledges that your son is safe in the womb, that God is with you and holding you both and the Church, and to reassure your protective mama body that all is well: you are in a safe and nurturing environment. Christian mind and animal body need to connect more intentionally.
Second, consider that bare arms are actually much more naked than we think of them being in this day and age when short sleeves are so prevalent. I always feel extremely unprofessional when preaching in short sleeves and I don’t recommend it. There are many gauzy, very light-weight cotton materials that can cover our arms, and I suggest that you design one or two tops that accommodate the baby bulge and your arms, as I suspect all that open air on the skin around baby just felt too exposed for your instinctual comfort level.
I found these shirts from Soft Surroundings and I think they’d work really well as a kind of preaching uniform for the summer, pregnant or not. I don’t know how big or small you are, but these come in plus sizes and I think a quick trip to the tailor to take a tuck in the back would be nice if you wanted to give them a bit of shape. If not, I think they’re very pretty and tailored as is, and come in some lovely colors as well.
And then there are these from Land’s End. Handsome!! And made well, too. The fact that these adjust is great, and the touch of spandex means they’ll keep their hape.
You won’t be extremely cool in these but you’ll look professional and appropriate. That’s a great-looking shirt.
None of us who are preaching without robes in the summer should feel obligated to come up with a new cute church outfit every week. Get a couple of outfits (literally a couple, as in TWO), rotate them and be done with it. Or find or make a cotton gauze duster to button over your street clothes and use that as your summer robe.
I’m so glad you wrote to ask not only about what to wear, J., but about your self-consciousness. We tend to assume that self-consciousness is always a negative factor to be overcome, but it’s helpful to remember that our bodies have very good reason at times to feel vulnerable and self-protecting. We don’t need to get into the complexities around ministry, the church’s history of misogyny, sexism, dualism and repression and how that plays into the conscious and unconscious ways that a worshiping congregation will respond to a preacher’s pregnant body — we know that the issues are there, and we know that the flip side of sexist weirdness and discomfort is projections of unmet mothering and mother-love need that can also come at a pregnant pastor. It’s very complicated territory, indeed, and one that we must support each other in navigating.
We’re with you, J. Blessings and thanks for writing. Kiss of peace, PB
I had this same issue last summer – hugely pregnant (had my son in September), but no air conditioning in the church, so I couldn’t wear my robe.
I finally settled on two black dresses that I switched on and off from week to week. With a stole, they looked plenty formal. As it was 100 degrees PLUS on some days, I couldn’t wear sleeves (sorry, PB!).
Here are the links. These served me well and took a long time to find, so I hope they help you!
One’s a knee-length black dress with short sleeves from Old Navy (they have a great black maxi dress, too!) and can be found here: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=93289&vid=1&pid=551773002
The other was a black, sleeveless maxi dress from Target. They don’t sell it anymore, but the Liz Lange dresses are good quality and a nice, shiny, solid knit that holds up well to a lot of wear. The similar dresses can be found here: http://www.target.com/sb/dresses-clothing-women/-/N-5xtcgZ5tmzm#navigation=true&viewType=medium&sortBy=newest&minPrice=from&maxPrice=to&isleaf=true&navigationPath=5xtcgZ5tmzm&parentCategoryId=9975766&facetedValue=/-/N-5xtcgZ5tmzmZ55vg0Z5xkwq&RatingFacet=0&categoryId=4638
Good luck, lady! You can do it!
Thank you so much! This has been really helpful and your thoughts on my self-consciousness have been very affirming. I’ll probably read it a few times over in the next few weeks!
Also, to the commenter above, I love the idea of a couple of simple black dresses, or just SOMETHING that can become a uniform in it’s own way, so that I don’t spend every Sunday fumbling around for what to wear. I’ll be online shopping this lovely Memorial Day!
I was in this EXACT situation last summer. Gave birth in September. We used microphones that hooked to the waist, so dresses and even elastic waist skirts weren’t really an option.
Three items that became invaluable to me: high-quality, maternity waist cropped pants. I got a pair in black from AT Loft maternity, and a pair in khaki and navy from A Pea in the Pod. I also bought one skinny brown waist belt that would fit my growing body, and one in black. Then I bought some big, long cardigans and wore them over printed sleeveless blouses. Worked pretty well. Our church was well air-conditioned, but it still got up to around 120 outside (!)
I’d actually recommend splurging on maternity pants but for tops I honestly thought most of the maternity options were boring, shapeless, and somewhat matronly. I had better luck getting things in L or XL tall from stores like Old Navy or even American Eagle (don’t usually shop there, but they had some good long cardigans that were lighter weight material, and I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on maternity clothes). I also found some good printed sleeveless blouses from Old Navy and Target and bought the largest size I could find.
On office days I wore a ton of foldover skirts and maxi dresses (Target/Old Navy had some good maternity options there), with a lot of scarves and cuter wedges! Loft also had some nice dresses. I got advice to splurge on one or two nicer pairs of maternity jeans, too, so I bought some 7FAM on Pea in the Pod’s website.
Good luck!! Sorry for the long comment but as I said I JUST went through this. Now I’m trying to lose the last 10 pounds of baby weight, which is a whole new struggle. To put it succinctly: I’d advice splurging on nice maternity pants, and then saving on XL/large or tall regular tops if you can’t find things you like in maternity! Preach on – stay hydrated too and be aware if you are feeling faint. I had to sit down during distribution one Sunday and put my head between my knees.
Glad it helped, Joanna! I feel your pain, I really do. But preaching while pregnant is a unique time of grace, too. Be kind to yourself, and know that every Sunday you give the congregation a visual reminder of the new life God offers to us!
Here’s a link from my blog on dressing professionally in maternity wear. I ended up using a LOT of trial and error (and being continually frustrated by how difficult it was to dress affordably and professionally in this rural area while pregnant), so maybe some of these suggestions will help you. Feel free to email me if you want to talk more – I’d love all of my hours of trial and error to save you some of those same hours!
http://glutenfreejesusfreak.blogspot.com/2013/03/professional-maternity-wear-how-to.html
And Angela – I second you on how difficult it is to dress a postpartum body! Do you have any secrets? I, too, have those last 10 pounds stubbornly hanging on, and they are making shopping for pants an exercise in serious frustration. I’m considering suspenders… No, not really. But almost!
Isn’t it wonderful that women of today have these “problems?” How many years ago was it that women never could aspire to be clergy never mind pregnant clergy.
Looking professional while pregnant is hard! I think the advice to a few simple pieces, either black dress or nice maternity pants and top is the best way to go. Don’t feel the need to have a wider ranging wardrobe for such a limited time.
For post-partum wear, I almost always wore a nursing camisole under whatever kind of top I chose. I bought snug ones that were a little lighter support than full on Spanx, but still smoothed the bumps and bulges and made me feel more confident. Nursing cami’s allow you to lift a regular shirt and still have you mid-drift covered! I liked them more than the shirts designed for nursing, which I found more awkward. Nursing DID put a cramp on wearing most of my dresses.
Even if you are not nursing, or only plan to nurse privately, at least light support for the middle is a good idea! Your clothes will lie more smoothly and you were be happier, unless it is beastly hot.
Pregnant or not, I also feel too informal if I’m not vested. Luckily, my jackets fit all thru pregnancy (not buttoned, of course). I felt they did a good job of keeping the voluptuousness out of display & creating a good line. (Tunic style things do not really work for me; I’m 5’4″) So, my regular jackets with interesting knit tops it was. It worked for post-partum too, when the the clothing underneath was constantly changing size up and down (and within the same day while nursing!). I think a more-casual knit can be comfy on swollen bodies, but also takes well to being jazzed up with a jacket. I know you’re going to be warm and here I am, suggesting t another layer, but they make those awesome 3/4 sleeve jackets in light colors and lighter fabrics (unlined), that are still nicely tailored at the shoulder and nip in at the waist. On the positive side, it’s easier to dress swollen feet in the summer than the winter. Best to you!
I so relate. My son was born in October, and I spent that summer preaching from the floor without a robe, in a sanctuary with no AC. You have to find a way to keep cool and also feel professional appropriate….I tried to just wear my robe once in July, when I had a similar attack of self-consciousness, and I got dizzy and faint. NOT WORTH IT.
What I really recommend are the light-weight, summery short-sleeved cardigans and shrugs that you can find in most maternity and/or plus-size departments. I had two of those that I wore all. the. time. They were a Godsend. They kept my arms covered and provided a little coverage for the side and back view, worn over a knit shirt/tank that unavoidably hugged my belly. That was a combo that I felt very comfortable preaching in.
The other thing I would add is about shoes…I have always had a strict “no open-toed shoes while leading worship” policy (the legacy of my Southern heritage), but I had to bend that during the last six weeks of my pregnancy. My feet were so swollen and uncomfortable that I had to just go with what fit and looked decently.
Thank you, thank you, all of you for this fabulous crowd-sourced wisdom! My first kid is due in October and I’ve already started having nightmares about my last preaching date at 38 weeks. Bookmarking this post now, as the Texas summer heat gets cranked up and the belly continues to expand…
I got by wearing as little as possible (sleeveless shirt with collar, skirt, sandals) under the big ole Almy a line alb. It was hot, but full enough to let a breeze in. It wasn’t clingy or sticky either. I generally had to take a three hour nap afterwards anyway; if there were two services it would take me a day to recover. Drink a lot of water and listen to your body.