Breastfeeding

Hello ducklings!

Someone recently asked me about the appropriateness of breastfeeding in church.
My response is simple: would we worry about handing a sandwich to a hungry child in church? Even in the sanctuary if the kid was really hungry?
I would hope not. Children need to be fed. Babies need to be fed when they’re hungry; not according to our worship or program schedule.

In my imperious and not at all humble opinion on this mater [sic], pastors should treat any discomfort or pushback around breastfeeding in the church as a pastoral issue, not as a policy issue. Just because we live in a body-phobic society at the end of thousands of years of misogyny and superstitious fear and dominance over women’s bodies doesn’t mean we shouldn’t name that nonsense for what it is. Choose your language, but do name it. It’s nonsense.

Nursing mothers should be provided a comfortable place to feed their children and they should be made to feel that the church wants to accommodate them and their babies, not hide them away. A woman who is breastfeeding shouldn’t be made to feel any less welcome or comfortable than someone feeding a baby a bottle is made to feel. Just because the food delivery system in one case is a female breast isn’t the mother’s problem — it’s the problem of anyone for whom an accidental glimpse of a breast is a cause for complaint.

If the breastfeeding mom is the pastor, the same thing applies. I think we all understand the issues of boundaries, professional image, intimacy and privacy present in the situation, but I don’t think the world needs more centuries of telling women that our reproductive faculties are an unfit sight or subject for polite society.

Breasts are one means by which adult women feed hungry children. Certainly the church is committed to feeding hungry children.

The only inappropriate boobs in this argument are not those of nursing mothers, if you know what I mean.

Maxi Skirts and Elevators

Hello, Cookies!

Greetings from Louisville, where our General Assembly is flying by and I am attending many sessions and having wonderful conversations and trying to get over the inevitable guilt of not being able to see everyone I had hoped to see and spend time with.

I am blogging and Tweeting on congregational life in my spare moments and do not have much to say right now about clergy image, but I did sit next to a friend who had a serious run-in with an escalator and a maxi skirt this afternoon.

Here is the lovely Rev. Robin Bartlett, very much With Child. She said that maxi skirts are great for woman in late pregnancy because they hide swollen ankles.

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However, and this is really scary, her skirt got caught on the escalator today at the convention center. She showed up to a workshop and sat next to me and whispered her story, showing me the “fashion innovation” she made out of the chewed-up fabric. She’s a hilarious, sparkling person who can find the humor in every situation but geez, it really is a good bit of advice. Don’t wear maxi skirts on escalators or just be very careful, okay?

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Thank God no one was hurt, but it was a close call.

On Preaching Pregnant and Body Wisdom

Dearest pigeons!
J. writes with this blessing/dilemma.

Message: Happy Summer,
I’ve found myself, for the second time now, in my third trimester of pregnancy in the heat of the summer. [Oh my gosh, how did THAT happen? 🙂 – PB] I had my daughter in August a couple of years ago and am now expecting a son in September. Last time around, I was only preaching once in a while, and always behind a pulpit. Now, I am in a church with a much more laid-back summer worship style. This will also be my first summer there. In the past, the pastor has not robed during the summer and preaches from the floor in front of the pews.

This morning, the first Sunday of our “summer worship schedule” I wore a long flowy skirt and a short sleeved, professional looking maternity top. I left the house feeling confident that I was appropriately covered up and classy looking to preach with just a stole and cross necklace. As worship time approached I started feeling very self-conscious about my protruding belly and (frankly, growing breasts) and threw on my robe last minute. I just felt too nervous to go into the service so…exposed, even if I was showing barely any skin, and no cleavage.

I’d like to get over this self-conscious hump, because there is no way that I will continue to be able to wear my robe (for fit reasons and for heat reasons!) as the summer goes on. I’m wondering if you can speak a little bit to my self-consciousness and perhaps make suggestions about dressing for the laid-back summer pulpit– both pregnant and not.

Thanks in advance!

Dear J.,
First of all, congratulations on your healthy, happy pregnancy and new job! That’s a lot going on all at once, so I hope you are connecting with sources of spiritual, emotional and professional support as you navigate all this challenging terrain.

I am thinking of you showing up in your maternity top and flowy skirt to preach in this morning and suddenly getting an attack of insecurity, and I am not surprised. I think any of us can have a sudden sense of vulnerability in a new environment, and pregnancy has to compound that possibility many times over. Honor the wisdom of the body, I always say. Our minds and spirits may be feeling very well adjusted to a new ministry setting, but I think the body has its own version of what’s going on that the mind doesn’t always know or recognize. I believe that our bodies have a deep animal wisdom that manifests in all sorts of interesting ways (anxiety attacks, lack of appetite or insatiable hunger, aches and pains, rashes) by way of getting our mental attention and clueing us in to the truth of a situation or setting. It behooves us to pay close attention and respect what the body is communicating.

An attack of preacherly nerves is a very common way for the body to communicate the stress of feeling suddenly overwhelmed by all the responsibilities of bringing the gospel on any given Sunday morning (nothing unusual). The fact that this particular attack of nerves connected to body insecurity about your pregnant belly seems to me natural and understandable. You are entering a new season of preaching, bringing with it changes in professional practices (no pulpit to protect and shield you, more exposed) and you are entering a new season of pregnancy — the final tri-mester when any woman would understandably be extemely aware of the enormity of what she carries within her. The enormity is both psychic and physical — you have a big baby boy in your belly! He is starting to make himself known as an active being whose demands on you are another level of profound responsibility and another kind of vocation. Perhaps in that moment of standing there in your perfectly fine short-sleeved maternity shirt and cross you were simply overwhelmed by all the demands being made of you as a woman of God — demands of soul, mind, body and spirit. in that moment, your instinct was to cover up. A healthy instinct indeed, as that robe became a garment of comforting refuge and cover in a moment when you felt terribly exposed.

Okay, so that’s fine. But going forward, you know that it’s just too hot to wear a robe for the summer services. Here’s what I would recommend:

First, when you get to church and right before you lead worship, lace your hands over you belly and breathe calmly and deeply. Pray in some way that acknowledges that your son is safe in the womb, that God is with you and holding you both and the Church, and to reassure your protective mama body that all is well: you are in a safe and nurturing environment. Christian mind and animal body need to connect more intentionally.

Second, consider that bare arms are actually much more naked than we think of them being in this day and age when short sleeves are so prevalent. I always feel extremely unprofessional when preaching in short sleeves and I don’t recommend it. There are many gauzy, very light-weight cotton materials that can cover our arms, and I suggest that you design one or two tops that accommodate the baby bulge and your arms, as I suspect all that open air on the skin around baby just felt too exposed for your instinctual comfort level.

I found these shirts from Soft Surroundings and I think they’d work really well as a kind of preaching uniform for the summer, pregnant or not. I don’t know how big or small you are, but these come in plus sizes and I think a quick trip to the tailor to take a tuck in the back would be nice if you wanted to give them a bit of shape. If not, I think they’re very pretty and tailored as is, and come in some lovely colors as well.

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And then there are these from Land’s End. Handsome!! And made well, too. The fact that these adjust is great, and the touch of spandex means they’ll keep their hape. Continue reading “On Preaching Pregnant and Body Wisdom”

Knocked Up In Style


I love the Rev. Alison Miller’s style. When I met her I seriously thought she was about 15 years old although she was in her early 20’s. She is a very petite lady who has grown into ministerial authority beautifully through the years. Small as she is, and with a fairly youthful voice, she nevertheless manages to stake her claim in space and time by speaking with great conviction, gravitas and strength. When Alison shows up, she shows up in force. Her ministry has lately involved passionate advocacy for immigrants in the Metro New York area and she has influenced local and state legislators. In short, she rocks.

She is now, as you can see, with child. I took this photo on a hot day in Charlotte, North Carolina where I caught Alison outside in a park and attacked her with my camera. Her loving hubby stood nearby while we chatted and I snapped her photo.

What’s great about this: it’s comfortable and non-constricting but it has a very chic cut and bold graphic design that communicates boldness on behalf of its wearer. Alison could have so easily gotten into Cutesy Land with cotton sundresses or pretty-girl colors but she’s doing it just right here: sophisticated black and white in a striking day dress that can easily be made more elegant for evening with dressier shoes, pulled-back hair, make-up and dressier earrings and (say) a cuff. For a low-key afternoon at the tail end of a denominational conference out for a walk in serious heat….! she’s looking sharp.

Blessings of good health and joyous anticipation to you, dear colleague.