Fat Shaming Experiment

This is an interesting article by Haley Morris-Cafiers, who takes photographs of strangers presumably in the act of body-shaming her.

As a fat woman who travels alone a lot and is the same approximate body size as Morris-Cafiers, and as someone who is interested in presence, image and presentation, I have to say that I suspect this is a set-up in more ways than one.

I think slovenliness and evident lack of self-respect has to play a part in this dynamic. Morris-Cafiers is dressed in child’s play clothes, slumped over with a vacuous look on her face, and standing pigeon-toed. The only thing missing is the beanie with the propeller! I think this social experiment’s deck is a bit stacked with class issues and other forms of social stigma.

I am a roly-poly woman, a size 20, who has eaten in public many times, including big ice cream cones. The one time I was openly mocked by a group of teenaged boys at Burger King as I ate alone at a table near theirs, I walked over to their table, stood over it, and berated them in calm and direct terms. So yes, fat shaming has happened to me. I have to note that when that particular incident happened, I was dressed in a shapeless down coat, frumpy hat (click to view)

and no make–up. I appeared to be a target for derision. I appeared to be much more vulnerable than I am. The appearance of vulnerability or strength is a major factor in social acceptance and the forming of unconscious alliances between strangers.

If we project insecurity, vulnerability and poor social skills — all of which Haley Morris-Cafier’s does in her choice of stance and attire, we activate latent bullying tendencies in nasty, critical people. Being fat is just part of that equation, and it gives the critics something specific upon which to focus their derision. I would like to see this experiment repeated with the subject dressed in a mature, adult manner with good posture and a confident expression. I feel pretty certain that if it was, the people who stopped to ridicule her this time around wouldn’t even notice her.

I sat on those very steps at Times Square featured in Morris-Cafier’s study just last week and ate a big hot dog with all the fixins. No one paid a bit of attention to me except to smile back when I smiled at them. Two stylish, thin Chinese girls asked me to take their photo when I stood up. The next day I ate a huge, messy sandwich at a café table in Union Square. Two people wished me “bon appetit,”as they caught my eye walking by, and one guy eating a sandwich at the next table chatted me up. We wound up having a great instant rapport and went together to the Metropolitan Museum of Art (where we saw this marvelous exhibit, “Impressionism, Fashion and Modernity”). When the two of us stopped for gourmet hot chocolate at Vosges on the Upper East Side that afternoon, no one looked in any way askance at the fat man and woman savoring their every sip of chokkie. If anyone silently judged us for indulging, they had the good grace to keep it to themselves. That’s the joy of civilized society: we judge each other all the time, but we don’t do it openly.

I have walked around in Copenhagen, Barcelona, Rome, Florence, Madrid, Athens, Paris, London, a dozen major American cities and several cities in Mexico and Central America being both fat and comfortably dressed. I’ve sometimes worn shorts and bathing suits. I could show you photos: they’re not body beautiful, let me tell ya. But what they show is a woman who is having a great time, who is confident, put together, connecting with other people, and comfortable in her own skin (I hate that cliché but it’s apt!). It doesn’t give the mean people of the world a whole lot to work with, and it attracts all kinds of wonderful folks.


Eating an ice cream cone in Paris in 2008. Paris is my favorite city in the world. I am easily 80-100 lbs heavier than the vast majority of women there, but I have always found kindred spirits and romance in the City of Love. I speak limited French but with a good accent, and my love of beauty and appreciation for good food seems to endear me to the French.

8 Replies to “Fat Shaming Experiment”

  1. http://haleymorriscafiero.com/

    I agree that some of these shots seem set up to evoke a response—stop in the middle of a busy sidewalk to tie your shoe, dress in unflattering clothes, etc. And yes, people can be rude and cruel in comments about others’ appearance. But does the author really think that every expression on every person’s face reflects an unflattering thought about HER? [I think that’s an honest question. And an important one. The fact that she has a camera and assistant nearby might also be a contributing factor, as in “Let’s goof on the nerdy chubby girl doing her school assignment/art project.” – PB]

  2. I’d bet a latte that there are some pictures she discarded that show people giving her a genuine, friendly smile or are ignoring her completely.

    The photo of you with the ice cream shows a sharp, confident woman, with an intelligent spark in her eye. Your grooming, clothing and accessories (love the scarf and the ring!) tell the viewer you took care with your appearance.

    Quite the contrast!

  3. Her whole article bothered me; I wanted to say “Yes! Shaming happens! We need to stand up against it and call it out!” … but reading the method she uses — she has her assistant take a whole bunch of photos and then she picks a few out that seem to show people responding to her — seemed disingenuous. Also, in the very shot you included, I wanted to shout “STAND UP STRAIGHT! TOES FORWARD!” (and then I thought maybe I’d give her the benefit of the doubt; maybe she has physiological factors that make her stand pigeon-toed, because I try to be kind to people I don’t know and assume best intent). Ultimately, I think that what you did — standing up and actually addressing the shamers — is certainly more courageous, and perhaps more effective (Not sure how to measure that, though.)

    As a kind of catty aside, this photo also reaffirms for me that the rest of the world has it right on shorts: No adult should wear them unless engaged in some kind of exercise or on vacation in the wilderness or Disney World or the beach. #endsnobbishrant

  4. As someone who is more than “rotund” and who’s struggled with clothing and dressing well for much of my adult life, I can agree that dressing neatly and not looking likeI just rolledout of bed or had to be wedged into my clothing makes a huge difference in my day-to-day life.

    But I have to share that I feel like “it doesn’t give the mean people much to work with” edges pretty close to things that were said to me in high school: “Maybe if you weren’t quite so flamboyant they wouldn’t pick on you so much.” It feels like the responsibility for the shaming lies with the one being shamed.

    Thanks for continuing to talk about these issues, PB.

  5. I wonder too about the girl reacting to her eating gelato on La Rambla. I seem to remember in France it is culturally inappropriate to walk down the street while eating something– you are supposed to be sitting down. In a cafe. Not sure if there is a similar ethos in Spain??

  6. It is hard to discuss these things without everyone getting righteous, but i have to agree with PB’s comment that “If we project insecurity, vulnerability and poor social skills …we activate latent bullying tendencies in nasty, critical people”. If we go out looking like a slob, then people will respond to us as a slob..this is a law of human nature. OF COURSE, this doesn’t make such a reaction right, it just helps to explain it.

  7. It also helps that you are, in my humble opinion, remarkably photogenic. I know that this is something you have worked on – camera smile, proper angles, etc – but something you are also graced with. In addition to being incredibly put to-gethah.

    And to all shamers: ::poom::
    [Yea, POOM. And remember, Dear Gidge, it’s not so much that I’m “photogenetic” but that I delete about 100 takes for every one you see! – PB]

  8. Brilliant response to this. We live in a world where no one can have an opinion or response to anyone else that is less than encouraging lest it be seen as “shaming”…but I often feel as though people shame themselves first and project that into their presence…then become defensive when other people respond to that presence.

    In other words, yes, she looks schlubby and vulnerable and unhappy, and people are picking on her for it. Doesn’t make them right, but she can’t control them.

    Also, a lot of those pics are in crowded, busy, touristy places. In some of those photos I’m not even sure the person in question is responding to her or just doing their own thing in her general direction…

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