Fifteen years ago when I went into ministry, I was very insecure about being a fat girl and a Woman of the Cloth. It was like, “I want to look appropriate for the role and I have no idea how to really do that, and I have this creative side that I’m not sure how to integrate into all of this because this is a SERIOUS role to take on in society, AND I’m pretty sure I’m never going to have another date again in my life, so I guess I’ll just give up on trying to be particularly pretty or feminine or self-expressive.”
It wasn’t a conscious choice, but I dressed sadly. I was happy if stuff fit and was modest enough for church. If I expressed any sass it was through my short, red hair which always had foil highlights in it. I let my hair do the talking for me.
Then the 90’s ended, and I moved to a new parish, and time rolled on and I started noticing that my skin tone was different and my face wrinkled. I don’t regret those realities, because I like aging.* I love the emotional benefits, humor, wisdom and deepening of relationships that aging has brought. But, you know, it does change our appearance. About a year ago I noticed that my red hair wasn’t really expressing me anymore. My work and public ministry were making enough of a dramatic statement about who I am that I no longer felt the need to express that through red hair. Also I got this professional lash lift kit that has made my routine way easier and more practical. As I got heavier and older, the red started to seem garish and tacky. About six months ago I had my colorist take my hair to its natural brown… and no one noticed! However, we attend to our appearance as an exercise in creative expression for its own sake, not so that people will react to it one way or another. Anyone over the age of 19 who makes choices in order to create a reaction has a little something going on in the maturity department.
Another change came about at around the same time: I grew my hair. First, I grew it so that I could wear it in easy pigtails and a bandana during my 2008 sabbatical. After that point I became interested in the fact that I felt more womanly with my hair up, and decided to keep growing it (it was within this period of time that I discovered that I am a Curly Girl, and that if I cut my hair in layers it curls quite dramatically!). I had never felt like a particularly feminine woman, so I found this thing about having hair long enough to put “up” really interesting.
I am a novice at putting my hair up and most of the time it just looks like a rooster butt is sticking out of the back of my head. But I am having girly fun practicing some new tricks when I get the chance.
The transition continued in a mellow way. First back to my natural brown, then longer hair, and then the desire to have what I privately refer to as Soft Brown Mouse Head, which I can’t explain to you because you’re not a member of my immediate family (it has to do with an old favorite children’s book). But never mind. Soft Brown Mouse Head for me was just a desire for some shiny dulce de leche ice-cream colored highlights. Maybe it’s from living out in the woods all these years. It’s just hard to describe, as you can’t really go to your colorist and say, “Make me look like a mature and pretty field mouse, please.”
I have been mostly loyal to one hair colorist for about nine years, but I think after a certain point your stylist sees you in a certain way and that’s that. My gal, having known me for many years as a woman who wanted NO colors that could be found in nature on her head, could not seem to get it when I explained Soft Brown Mouse Head. Part of this SBMH plan had to do with the fact that I am going grey, and I wanted a contrast to my natural medium brown that would feel soft and pretty when the grey came in. The gold highlights were making my skin look sallow and making it impossible for me to wear the make-up colors I now favor: a neutral lip with smoky bronzes or purples on the eye. I was hating the brassiness.
So I made an appointment with a new colorist for today and I brought in a lipstick and showed her some of the cafe au lait colors that I wanted in my hair. NO RED. NOTHING GOLD. I was nervous that I would wind up with some Kelly Osbourne-ish grey streaks or white-blonde, but Jean did a fabulous job. She totally got it. So now I have Soft Brown Mouse Head and it feels like ME, like the image of myself that I’ve had in my mind’s eye for awhile and needed help making manifest in reality.
I have shiny field mouse head.
New grey hairs will not compete with my Soft Brown Mouse Head.
Soft Brown Mouse Head is smooth and pettable and lady-like. It looks very pretty with these feminine earrings.
*I especially like aging on the days when I get a Groupon for 20 units of Botox for a super bargain price!
This mouse actually has reddish-gold fur. It should talk to its colorist because I don’t think that’s the most flattering shade for it.
Now THAT’s a soft brown mouse. Little and fat with big brown eyes, and quite adorable.
Wow, I think that looks really good! Congrats on getting it to what you wanted it to be.
It looks beautifully natural.
Makes me think of a different children’s book… about Little Nutbrown Hare and Big Nutbrown Hare (Guess How Much I Love You is the book) Cute meecies and beautiful hair. Really elegant.
You are beautiful.[That’s very sweet. Thank you, beautiful pigeon. – PB]
Love your hair!!
A good colorist is worth her weight in gold (I am lucky enough to have one who is a good friend). You look absolutely lovely!
LOVE LOVE LOVE that color. It really looks very sophisticated. I’ve been playing with the idea of going grey…just don’t know if I’m psychologiclaly ready yet.
Your hair looks *lovely*! Very pretty, flattering and appropriate.
I had a similar experience of having to fight really hard with a colourist to have cool toned dark brown hair. He said they were trained to think that warmer and lighter were just better, but that’s silly ‘cos not everyone suits warm colours!
I want to encourage Susan P and anyone else who is thinking about it to gradually let their hair go gray. (Or is it grey?) I admit that my hair is the best feature I have — thick, healthy (I have never colored it), and salt-and-pepper brown. Now mostly salt. So I know I’m lucky, but I really do think that grey hair looks good on many people; we’ve just forgotten that fact in our rush to look young all the time. It might call for some adjustments in the makeup department, and it definitely calls for a REALLY GOOD haircut. But be fearless, pigeons! You might surprise yourselves!
Thank you for sharing this story. And congrats on a new colourist who GETS it. Well done, you. Fabulous, you look FAHBULOUS!
You look AMAZING, PB. Actually, you look gorgeous. And WHAT wrinkles are you talking about?? You don’t have a single line on your face, woman. Your skin glows. [Thanks, babe. I don’t have lots of wrinkles yet but I do have some pretty deep furrows in my brow when my face is mobile that I really don’t want to harden into a perma-frown. – PB]