Oh my gosh! Oh my GOSH! This is so hilarious and I just had to share it with you.
So I’m opening my mail and I get these two strangely-shaped boxes, kind of long and rectangular. And I’m like, “Hmm, I didn’t order anything, I wonder what these are?” I open the first box and they’re long checkbook registers. And I think, “Well, that’s weird. I DID order checks and address labels recently, I wonder if this is some sort of freebie from the company? I wonder if I can find some use for these.”
Then I open the second box, which seems to be long checks. “This is so strange,” thinks I. “Did they re-do my order? Is this some kind of joke, is this a gift of some sort from one of my pigeons?” Then I look at the name on the checks. It is “JEHOVAH’S WITNESS KINGDOM HALL.”
I grab the box and look at the address. It’s a JW organization waaaay across town. Not even close, and who even knew that there were Jehovah’s Witnesses in my town? Not to my knowledge, and I’ve lived here ten years. I sit there cracking up with this big ole checkbook in my lap. I think, “Well, okay, this will be a nice excuse to drive over and meet these folks, I guess, because I’m gonna have to explain why their checkbook is all ripped open. Or I could just make the post office deliver it. OR I COULD TOTALLY TAKE SOME OF THE FAMILIES I’VE BEEN WORKING WITH SHOPPING AND GET ALL THE KIDS COMPUTERS.”
Who needs a new TV?!! It’s on the Jehovah’s Witnesses, because you know, this must be a sign from God, don’tcha think?* New shoes for everybody! woo hoooooooo!
*you’d all write to me in prison, right?
You are wicked and wonderful. Size 9, and I’ll drive! [We’re heading to FLUEVOG, BABY! Newbury Street! – PB]
Buy a railcar full of huuuge altar bibles. Then when a JW shows up to knock on your door someday, you can say, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re here! These are yours. I’ve been waiting for you to pick them up.”
Both are awesome ideas…but yes, I would write you in prison. Most definitely. Maybe send cookies too.
Well, since the JWs were a conservative breakaway group from the Socinians, and Unitarians are the liberal heirs of the Socinians… the JWs must have appropriated some Socinian meeting houses back in Poland in the 17th century. Just think how much interest they must owe us by now. (Or at least you could try that as a defence in court…)
I want some new shoes please 🙂
And I’ll send you a cake with a file in it 🙂