Hi darlings,
I just received this from some people I sent an FB request to, and I thought it was the best polite decline I have ever seen. Love it, and love them. The subject line of the e-mail was “FaceBook Thanks.” Isn’t that amazingly positive and kind? Read on:
Thanks so much for the invitation to be friends on Facebook. We are not big Facebook fans and are trying to keep our involvement to family, particularly since my [extended family] don’t live around here and it is a way to keep in touch with them. We have only added a few church people whose children my [child] was close to. We only check about once a month and find keeping up with it difficult. We are more comfortable using e-mail.
We hope you understand.
You could so easily adapt this basic template to your own needs. I love the intro, which is appreciative. The explanation is thoughtful and provides some explanation as to how they intend to use the site (which you don’t owe anyone, but it’s a very thoughtful thing to do). It suggests a preferred way for keeping in touch (e-mail), which leaves the recipient with the impression that they are still happy to hear from you. And it ends on a lovely, conciliatory note in case your feelings were hurt (mine weren’t, but others’ might be).
I say it all the time and I’ll say it again: I work with inspiring people who make me a better person.
This is so lovely! Thank you for sharing it!
What a gracious solution to a sticky social problem! Thank you so much for passing this on.
That is really something lovely. I feel like this is in that fuzzy category of new social skills that we don’t always even realize we need now. But we do!
Yes, that is a very nice way to decline. It doesn’t put the asker in the wrong, and yet it marks boundaries in a courteous way. I’m at a point where I’m no longer requesting FB friendships with people I know through the church, even though I find it a good way to keep up with mission and Christian formation news. (It’s a bit like hugging other people’s kids: I accept and welcome them, but am a little afraid to initiate them.) As a lay minister, I sometimes feel stupid when I have made a friendship request of ordained or professional church people. When friendship requests are ignored by people I’ve known and worked with, I feel as if I’ve committed some gaffe – but I don’t know what I did wrong.
Off topic a bit…I have two FB accounts for similar reasons. My personal one where I limit the friends to actual personal friends and a Rev. one which I use to promote events at church, keep in touch with parishioners (who request to ‘friend’ me).
This is a lovely response to someone. Thanks for sharing it.
FYI – there is a way to assign levels or groupings to your friends on Facebook, which can allow you to have one account and designate which post/pics/stuff each group of friends can see. I’ve not personally used it (yet), but I have a professor who does and says it is a good way to maintain professional boundaries.
What I like is that they’re clear about their own purpose for being on FB and the way they use it. Our mutual friend Philocrites has a nice, succinct list of categories of people whom he will friend on FB. (It was amusing the other day when he friended “professional Chris” in order to check out how the friends lists work.)
Did you request friendship through email or did you actually find her on FB? If you found the person on FB and she wants to restrict her FB activity like this, she should just adjust her privacy settings to be invisible to everyone.