OH MY GOD, DARLINGS! What a labor of love! Nothing else could have persuaded me to SLOG through 2,229 images of this season’s sandals on Amazon.com and to browse through Zappos, Onlineshoes.com and ShoeBuy. It has been a blearying bummer trip this year, and I must conclude that SHOE DESIGNERS HATE US.
Dear Shoe Designers,
Why do you hate my feet so much? They’re very nice feet and they never did anything to you.
Love, PeaceBang
P.S. I earn money and sometimes I spend that money on shoes. That’s just a little piece of information you might want to keep in mind.
So let’s review the situation, shall we?
First of all is this sort of thing, obviously dreamed up by the Marquis de Sandal. I’m not Lady Gaga, okay? I actually have to be able to walk in my shoes. ‘Nuff said.
Next up is the weird sort of hybrid gladiator thing that truly looks great on bohemian chicks who live in Taos and throw pots for a living. They wear long braids with feather earrings, and they’re not clergy. Skip ’em.
This is another gladiator style, but this time with the added pain and suffering of a super-high heel. It’s also over-designed within an inch of its life. Buckles! Leather! Canvass! Straps! Grommets! What, no plastic flower?
I’m personally a sucker for a high heeled clog, and this is cute. It’s by Unlisted East Side Slingback Clog but I’d break my ankle in two seconds, and it’s not professional enough to wear to a wedding, so bummer on those.
These are the sort of super-frumpy shoe that just offends my eternal soul. Ach, with the twisted strap detail!! Ptooey.
I didn’t make these up, you know. Are they made of Red Hots? Red Hots are my favorite candy. I still don’t want shoes made of them.
There’s nothing inherently hideous about this sort of thing, but the espadrille sole is just as bad as a cork sole in terms of practical use in a minister’s wardrobe. Not formal enough to preach or preside in, so save them for vacation or conferences.
Dr. Marten’s! Fun, but you know, just for fun.
Just the usual “I’d settle for it if I absolutely had to but they’re really quite frumpy.”
And pretty much more of the same. These aren’t bad — I think they’re by Aerosole — but they’re not exactly inspiring, right?
So that’s why I’m wearing boots all year ’round. It’s my small form of social protest against shoe designers.
I just conclude that sandals are generally ugly and unflattering, and that I’m not going to try to make them work for my professional life. I have many pairs and none of them are really awesome. Either the straps cut into my feet after wearing them for awhile, or the foot bed gets sweaty and slippy (gross, I know, but it’s a problem and why don’t manufacturers think of that?), or they’re just way too casual.
Which often leaves us right back where we started: at the ubiquitous Mary Jane style that I am so sick of!!
Can I just offer that some gold bond powder sprinkled into the footbed or rubbed on the soles of one’s feet makes sandals much less slippy? [Thanks for the tip!! – PB]
May I also whine? I don’t understand why, in this vast world of countless magical and scientific marvels, it seems impossible to design a sandal that’s not high heeled without being frumpy/unprofessional.
probably not appropriate for preaching in, but these are amazing:
https://www.soundfeet.com/cart.php?m=product_detail&p=3186
I got some cheap on ebay and wore them literally everyday for 5 months, a month of that was backpacking in Italy. They have tread, they’re water-proof, they don’t have heels, and from above (where one usually views shoes, not the weird angle in the photo) they actually look decently fancy.
I like Sofft. Some of the styles would not work (no large floral designs at the pulpit!), but others would be fine. I saw this one http://www.sofftshoe.com/Sofft-Gaea-in-Tabacco-color on Facebook this morning and immediately thought of you. They also come in black.
They are also considered “comfort” shoes although they mostly avoid the most egregious style faults of that genre. [Those are pretty rocking but the proportions seem weird to me. That’s a very heavy strap matched with a pretty slim heel. I can see someone slim and leggy making it work, though. But the grommets. Kind of leather-chick for a minister, no? – PB]
Flo, I wore those same sandals incessantly last summer. They are amazing, but I never wore them with anything dressier than a sundress.
No sandals in the pulpit for me. Not ever. But PB, it seems like some of those you put up there could work with the right pairings, to modify the frump factor.
I like the “frumpy” silver flat sandals! With a linen shift and a silvery/grey pashmina and some pretty brushed-silver accessories? No? [*sharp intake of breath* You could do SO MUCH BETTER. I’m going with NO. Firm NO. – PB]
I think you could get by with this in the pulpit http://www.dsw.com/shoe/jones+new+york+karlee+patent+pump?prodId=dsw12prod3060026&brand=300179
Ooh, I like those ones Marlene. I also like the grey/ beige ones PB said she’d settle for.
Sandles are tricky for formal-ish occasions.I generally just wear peep toes to work in summer and save flat sandles that show a lot of foot for the weekends. I have a pair similar to this http://www.overlandfootwear.co.nz/womens-shoes/womens-sandals/overland/Oveah/1626/9/colour/Black%20Kid that I wear to work but they’re not very comfy.
I’d wear these in a heartbeat http://www.overlandfootwear.co.nz/womens-shoes/womens-sandals/overland/Kai/1657/9/colour/Spice%20Patent as I love brightly coloured shoes (but they may not be very pastor-appropriate, I don’t know)
These might work under a robe? (in black?) http://www.overlandfootwear.co.nz/womens-shoes/womens-sandals/overland/Chatty/2548/9/colour/Red or these http://www.overlandfootwear.co.nz/womens-shoes/womens-sandals/overland/Lamor/2553/9/colour/Red%20Patent
Homage to coral http://www.overlandfootwear.co.nz/womens-shoes/womens-sandals/overland/Cuba/2551/9/colour/Coral
You seem to have somewhat different shoe styles in the USA. We don’t really have much of the clog thing, although it does seem to be coming in for our winter in a few months…
Click through to the entire collection PB. You might find something else you like. Born also has a few good ones from time to time.
Not for preaching, but for office days, I’d love a pair of Born sandals.
If I could handle the heel, I’d die for a pair of these:
http://www.bornshoes.com/Product.aspx?Productid=5799
Which come in a beautiful array of spring colors. But for comfort, I am more likely to chose these:
http://www.bornshoes.com/Product.aspx?ProductID=6073
I’ve always hated metallic shoes in stores, but have seen them worn so beautifully by real life women that I’m sold on them now.