After reading a bunch of comments, let me say this for clarification:
I don’t have any major beef with Nat Portman. A lot of award winners forget to thank major people in their lives when they’re up at the podium, pregnant or not (remember Hilary Swank forgetting to thank her husband Chad Lowe?).
Maybe I should have said that I wish women would be careful where we use the term “pregnancy brain” because if it is used in a professional setting, it can be a way of saying, “This woman is knocked up and therefore can’t do her job right.”
I also think that the modern Western world still have embedded Victorian notions of womanhood, and that women should understand that when we frame any phase of our reproductive rights as making us intellectually inferior (to our former selves or to men), we’re not doing ourselves any favors in the upward climb toward equality.
I think this is a “strictly us gals” conversation. Like, if I was pregnant and forgot something for church and my intern (I don’t have an intern, so don’t freak!) said, “Oh, Vicki forgot about the auction… she has pregnancy brain” I would have every right to feel far more undermined in a more serious and insidious way than if that person had said, “I don’t know. I guess she forgot to put it on her calendar.”
Tossing around “pregnancy brain” and other cute phrases among girlfriends is one thing. Used in a professional or public setting it’s like saying, “Well, for the next nine months and possibly for a long time thereafter, I’m seriously intellectually impaired.”
I hope that helps you understand where I was coming from. I hope you will all read Tavris’ book.
This.
I got that this was what you were trying to say. And I don’t let church folk let me off the hook (“pregnancy brain”) when I forget something these days. I appreciate when it’s about genuine grace, but not when it’s about “the pregnant pastor” for exactly the reasons you lift up.
Talk to me again when I have a 4-month-old, though.
That makes sense. One time when I was pregnant I was trying to explain a math equation to a coworker over the phone and I kept confusing MYSELF. Eventually he just laughed and said something about “pregnancy brain”. I was a bit annoyed at first, but when he said, “don’t worry, it happened to my wife with all of our kids”, he was trying to reassure me. He knew that my mental lapse was uncharacteristic and had a biological cause rather than some character flaw. 🙂
Pregnancy IS hard, physically and emotionally, but we can still hold our own in a professional setting. Heck, I taught biology at the college level my last few months of pregnancy. [THAT’S I’M SAYIN. I’m just so so angry about the severe swerve to the right the Congress is taking in regards to women, I know it’s obsessing me right now. I’m super touchy and really upset. Thanks for sticking with me while I try to do something constructive with the frustration and hurt. – PB]
Ok, I just noticed your categories. “The pregger pastor”? Seriously? Pregger? I think I rather perform my own episiotomy with a pair of dull scissors than to ever use the word “pregger” in reference to myself, my pastor, or any woman worthy of respect.
@Indie, where are you from? Perhaps the term “preggers” is a regional thing. I’ve always heard it as a term of endearment.
I have four children: the first born while I was in seminary full time, the next three in the pastorate with almost no maternity leave. At no time do I want anyone to expect (or be satisfied) with anything less than caring, professional ministry from me.
Everyone knows that exhaustion makes it hard to function and that isn’t just caused by being pregnant or having children. At varying times in our lives we (both men and women) have to work extra hard to look together, remember appointments, or offer solid ministry.
I got “pregger” from the dozen or so e-mails I’ve received from women who described THEMSELVES that way to me to ask for my advice on what to wear.
So yes, seriously. Your own pregnant sisters in ministry. Would you care to insult them as well, or was it just me you felt the need to attack? Oh, I have also used the term “bun in the oven” and “knocked up” on this blog, because, you know, it’s fun, irreverent and funny. Those are also the terms that my pregger gals out in Ministryland use to describe themselves when they write to me. And they make me happy because they have a sense of humor and I’m glad they’ll be contributing more funny kids to the world.
This is not specifically related to “pregnancy brain,” but I saw this article about Natalie Portman as an intellectual and scientist in the NYT, and thought it was relevant.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/01/science/01angier.html?_r=1&smid=fb-nytimes
I agree with you, PB, about the overuse and abuse of women’s hormonal changes as a way of weakening our professional credentials and abilities. This pushes all my feminist buttons–thinking that women’s physiology makes them less focused or apt or able or emotionally sound than men. Last week’s episode of 30 Rock even mocked it with skits about women in leadership (Hillary Clinton) losing their minds when they got their periods.
On the flip side, I second those who describe the very real physical and mental impact of growing a child in your body–and nourishing/nurturing one outside your body. Still, I always resented people who tried to tell me I could not effectively perform my job because I was pregnant, or blamed my mistakes on the pregnancy/hormones. If we agree that women are somehow ineffective or less effective when they are pregnant/menstruating/menopausal, we have conceded that men can do our jobs better than we can. I refuse to consider womanhood and all its accompanying states of fertility as a liability.
And that’s my strident statement of the day.
And Christian Bale forgot his wife’s name.
I just wanted to say THANK YOU for taking this on.
I’ve been hearing “mummy brain” from a particular woman in a way that’s made me want to scream and you articulated perfectly why it bugs me so much.
So, thank you. For this particular conversation and for blogging the way you do.
My comment isn’t really so much about pregnancy–that is such a short part of the whole childrearing thing–and it isn’t directly about the original comments. I hope it isn’t too tangential but here goes:
I SO wish we could find some middle ground between relegating women to only the procreative role (this seems to be something like what is happening politically in our country and I’m very afraid and angry because of that) and thinking of pregnancy and childbirth as merely a fashion challenge or a “blip” that in no way inhibits our “professionalism”.
I’ve been put in the “unprofessional” category and it stings. I personally found child raising to be a full time job, we could do without my salary, and was grateful not to have to outsource our childcare. I’ve never regretted our choices.
I keep waiting for someone to come take my feminist membership card away 😉 According to many I also let the team down.
Fertility is not a “liability”, but at least in the church the children of clergy women are treated that way all too often. Until we can think of a different paradigm, we will continue to pit the real needs of children against the needs (real and culturally imposed) of parents. Until we work this out, very pregnant women will feel the need to stagger down the red carpet and smile and meet everyone’s expectations while we ignore the stoned, the narcissistic, the obnoxious.
I have a four-month old at home, who mercifully sleeps quite well (most of the time), but yes, sleep deprivation does make me forgetful at times. It makes my husband forgetful too, but he gets fewer comments about it.
I found myself to be less focused, while pregnant, for a number of reasons. The constant, 9-month morning sickness was one. Anxiety over what might go wrong was another. Certainly hormones were involved. I can claim all these things for myself and know that, yes, my biological reality changed my professional persona to a certain degree.
For me, the bigger problem is the judgment implied when others claim that on my behalf. To say to myself, “oops, pregnant brain” when I forget something is one thing: to have someone say that to me, or for me, was unbelievably irritating. I’m sure they were trying to give me a break, but it felt patronizing at best. [Yea, that’s what I was trying to say. Thanks for getting it. – PB]
So many have already said it well: yes, in my experience, pregnancy does change you, and we can’t ignore that. I think the problem with terms like “pregnancy brain” (and “preggers,” by the way, which I also particularly hate and yes, I have said that to myriad other pregnant women) is that it tends to narrow us down only to this particular biological fact about us, as if that were the only thing that mattered.
On the other hand, I really struggled to maintain an absolute all-things-are-totally-fine facade while I was pregnant, and toward the end I had to admit that I did need some help on Sunday mornings just to get through the day.
Long story short: claiming some pregnancy-induced haziness for yourself = fine. In moderation. (Not publicly, in my opinion.) And certainly never as an excuse for being sloppy at a funeral. For this there is no excuse, ever. But other people labeling you is another matter. Not just in pregnancy.
By the way, madgebaby, I agree wholeheartedly with you: above all things, I wish we could all stop judging each other for our varying parenting choices and realize that we all do our best, in different circumstances.
I totally agree with Shalom. There has to be a middle ground between women as vessels for men’s offspring and women being absolutely the same as men in the workplace.
I happen to be a professional in a scientific field that can have fairly rough working conditions (field work) or requirements to travel. At my last job interview, I told my then future boss that too much travel is a dealbreaker because I have a young child at home. When I have my next interview (whenever that may be) I plan to say the same thing. If a company wants my expertise, they will have to respect that aspect of my role as a working mother.
What I’m trying to say is, that we as women and mothers can be successful in the professional sphere, and we don’t have to copy men to do it. We have our own power that is uniquely ours and we have to claim it and make no apologies.