Beauty Tips for Ministers

Craaaaazy 2010!

January 16, 2010 on 3:35 pm | In The Naughty Corner | 9 Comments

Holy cow, girls and boys, get me my smelling salts! The Fashion People have made some recommendations about what we should all be wearing in the new year, and PeaceBang is gasping for air, having fallen off her desk chair and onto the floor in sheer horror and amazement. She is gasping like a grounded catfish as she writes this!!

Thanks to alert reader Elizabeth, we know now that, according to Fashion Person Taylor Sterling, we should all be RUSHING TO THE STORES to buy:
1. Ugly oversized striped shirts (not to wear to bed, to wear in public).

2. LEATHAH, especially leather mini-skirts (Why sure, that’d be practical for you and me! Taylor Sterling apparently thinks that leather is a MUST for every woman’s wardrobe. PeaceBang does not think that leather boots count).

3. SPANGLY shorts. Or any kind of shorts. SO cute with knee socks and towering heels! Gaaaak!

4. Sheer shirts. Because nothing says, “professional and competent” like a good solid view of your bra.

5. ZUMBAS. Remember those violently ugly pants that guys were wearing 20 years ago, with the splash-paint design that instantly transformed the wearer into a big box of stupid? They’re back for women! I knew this would happen. This is God’s wrath for some great sin, like allowing Pat Robertson to remain at large and make public statements.

Get a gander of all this gorgeousness, kids. Don’t you LOVE the Fashion World?

Why, sure I’d wear this! On my vacation on the planet Zoltron!

These beauties are ALL about dignity at any age. I definitely advise that you buy several pairs and make sure to wear them on job interviews.

Jumpsuits! You know, just ’cause! Especially strapless jumpsuits! You can go straight from church to the disco and shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake your bootie! Rev. KC And the Sunshine Band.

Thanks, Taylor Sterling. We love Fashion People. We certainly have appreciated your sage recommendations for Ten Pieces We Should Add To Our Wardrobe. And we look forward to worshiping with you in these outfits on the Planet Zoltron.

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1. Can I ask permission to sit this season out, and just look good rather than be ‘of the moment’? PLEEZE?

   Comment by Wendy in England — January 16, 2010 #

2. Wow! Where I live there’s an avenue where women who dress like this engage in the world’s oldest profession!!

   Comment by Flyfishing Preacher — January 16, 2010 #

3. you crack me up. She shorts with knee socks could be a good look – if I was 7!

   Comment by Linda — January 16, 2010 #

4. There is a new punctuation mark for sarcasm…
   I hope you just didn’t know about it… This stuff is heinous! Apparently [!] is an accessible sarcasm mark. Knowing that will certainly make my blog clearer..
   [So fun! Thanks! - PB]

   Comment by Joy Lightning — January 16, 2010 #

5. The high-waisted short leather skirt with the oxfords is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time!

   You know it’s going to be a bad year for fashion trends when even the 18yo size 0 models look like crap.

   Comment by Gina — January 16, 2010 #

6. I’m convinced that everything in the stores for the past year or so is hideously ugly and totally unwearable. I’ve been shopping second hand stores even more than usual.

   Comment by Strange Attractor — January 16, 2010 #

7. Thanks for commenting on this! I laughed out loud when I saw this list and knew you would enjoy it. About the only reasonable item on the list is the inclusion of flats. And really…that’s 2010? Cause…I was wearing them in 2008 and 2009 too.

   BTW, I hate the term “boyfriend” as it relates to items of clothing. Just call it what it is: ill-fitting.

   Comment by Elizabeth — January 16, 2010 #

8. How about this sarcasm mark? ;->
   Have never seen the bit with square brackets around an exclamation point (aka “bang” in old internet addressing notation)!

   What about leather jackets? I just love my Eddie Bauer “Stine” jacket. I’ll pass on the mini-skirt, though.

   Comment by S J — January 17, 2010 #

9. I had a jumpsuit a little like that black one once…it wasn’t strapless… though I did wear it with a big sparkly headband just like the model’s. The year was 1971, and I was marching in Vietnam War protests.
   It is now 2010, Fashion People. HOW long have you been in cryosleep?

   Comment by PaganBuddy — January 18, 2010 #

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