Beauty Tips for Ministers
Because you're in the public eye, and God knows you need to look good.
On Not Showing Thigh
October 30, 2009 on 6:20 pm | In Clergy Image, Poise and Decorum, The Naughty Corner | 9 CommentsHafhida said in the comments that she doesn’t show cleavage or thigh. Which reminded me of a recent clergy gathering I attended, where one of the attendees wore a short smock with tights and ridiculous little felt or wool elf shoes. She looked, in a word, ridiculous. I’m sorry, but PeaceBang has no patience for this kind of infantilizing precious-artsy look, especially since it’s easy enough for creative people who CARE about their image (and that of the Church) to translate that look into adult, professional terms. Boho is fine. Looking like a First Grade Wanna-Be is not.
I sat at this meeting at this minister, who sat with her legs crossed, displaying a wide expanse of thigh to everyone in the room.
Just horrifying. SO, so wrong. I kind of gave her a disapproving look once or twice when she would cross her legs, but to no avail. I mean, I visibly winced. I wanted to say, “Dear colleague! No one needs to know quite that much about your thighs. Please stop inflicting them on us.”
By the way, this has nothing to do with the relative niceness of anyone’s thighs. It’s about propriety, not aesthetics.
Don’t let that be you, mon pidgies. Boys, you’re not exempt, y’know. No one wants to see your hamhocks hanging out of floppy shorts, either.
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While I agree with your comments regarding your colleague’s outfit, I disapprove your disapproving looks directed at her during the meeting. No one needs, desires, or appreciates “the look” of any kind. Only good friends have the privilege of pulling her aside during a break to let her know that her outfit is showing off a lot of thigh. Everyone else gets to put on their polite pastoral face and keep our looks to ourselves. I don’t event know what to say about the shoes though! [I would usually agree with you, but in this case, I didn't feel like making the gargantuan effort to put on my poker face. She was so close to flashing her lady bits, I was genuinely horrified. It was incredibly distracting and appalling. In that circumstance, I reserve the right to show my feelings on my face. Of course she was oblivious. It's one thing if you can say, "Excuse me, could you stop snapping your gum? I find it hard to concentrate on the presentation." But what are you going to say? "Excuse me, could you stop crossing your legs and subjecting me to a view of your entire upper thigh and crotch region? I find it impossible to concentrate under conditions of such egregious cluelessness."? - PB]
Comment by liz — October 31, 2009 #
I hope at least that this clueless child was under thirty……
[She's almost 60. - PB]
Comment by PaganBuddy — October 31, 2009 #
That is crazy! Cringe away.
Comment by K. — October 31, 2009 #
As Robe Dominatrix of our choir, and being a Cranky Old Lady brought up in the 50s…I am going to make a general announcement to the choir: crossed legs in a robe, looks bad, inattentive, distracting. Cross at ankle if you must. Come to think of it, other vestment wearers need to hear this too…
But the young person who wears skirts and sits ankle-on-knee will need a private comment. [Just FYI, this particular offender is well into her 50's. - PB]
Comment by Judith — October 31, 2009 #
sometimes, because I am a big busty woman, with a lot of cleavage, there might me just a tiny line that might peek out. I always dress very tailored and polished, but I have tried different bras, etc. I don’t think it is bad, and short of wearing turtlenecks all the time, Im’ not sure what to do. I am aware and a little self conscious…so I sit as straight as I can and never never lean over.
If you have suggestions……????
Comment by karla — November 1, 2009 #
PaganBuddy, if this person was a colleague of PB’s and therefore a member of the clergy, then her attire was inappropriate, period, regardless of her age. If you’ve chosen a profession or calling that requires some modicum of dignity, and you dress up like a slutty elf, that is inappropriate at any age. Women under thirty are even MORE exposed to the pressures and whims of fashion, and should therefore Know Better. If she’s over sixty, then I fear she is Trying Too Hard at being cute/young/etc or is Not Caring because of her age, and either is just sad.
She only has an excuse if she’s under ten.
Personally, as a 25 year old professional, my skirts are always knee length (but not PAST the knees, because that actually makes me look ridiculous; I think flashing some knee is acceptable, and a bit different than flashing some upper thigh). I actually wore a cute knit dress this summer that I thought was a bit longer than it was, and that adorable dress has been relegated to weekend wear. After the third comment by co-workers about the dress AND its skirt length, I knew it was just a tad too short.
Age or no, this clergywoman should know better than to a: infantalize her image like this, and b: flash quite so much leg. Keep the short skirts for New Year’s Eve and non-work/pastoral events!
Yipes, this got longer than I’d expected, yet again….
[Just to clarify, the jumper wasn't slutty at all, just short. It was a boxy courduroy thing like a child would wear. Just dumb-looking. I'm sure it was very comfortable. I hate when colleagues dress inappropriately because "it's just us." NO ONE should be seeing your thigh but people in the privacy of your own home. - PB]
Comment by Sarah K — November 2, 2009 #
I love you, Sarah K. for sticking up for the youngin’s! I have just passed the 30 mark just a few years ago. I must say, a certain amount of cluelessness may have marked my early 20’s, if anything it resulting in dressing too shapelessly. Now I would say I try to dress MORE discreetly and professionally than my older collegues. I feel like I need the credibility. I don’t think that I have “the look” figured out, but I am working on it. I hope and pray I never fall pray to the kind of withering looks this lady earned. For the sake of all things holy, the only thing worse than showing someone more than you SHOULD is showing more than they WANT. Leave a little mystery.
Comment by Melissa — November 2, 2009 #
As for crossing the leg at the ankles, I solemnly swear to keep trying! I ALWAYS do if seated on any kind of platform or in a circle in a professional setting, but it is not my first instinct. As for a lady resting her ankle on her knee…No.
Karla, dear. Having never possessed anything that even resembles cleavage in all my living life…God bless. Keep the girls warm and safe, and if they peek out a bit to check the weather, I for one promise to overlook it.
Comment by Melissa — November 2, 2009 #
Oh WOW. That sounds like something one would wear in a college dorm room or at YRUU camp. I should clarify that I don’t show “upper” thigh. Basically nothing more than 3 inches above the knee. I’ve worn shorts a few times and was very embarrassed. A large part of the reason is because I don’t want to humiliate myself by showing too much by accident. I like to be able to sit on the floor or in a chair facing other people without fear.
Comment by hafidha sofia — November 3, 2009 #