Darlings, what a treasure trove of fun advice we got going on here! Tom writes, and I respond below,
This is really wonderful; great advice, and great sharing of experiences of presiding at services that are so often fraught with much emotion, both happy, and well, not so happy.
Might I also add what I’ve found to be an issue in many wedding ceremonies; the photographers. Now, I understand that the job is not easy, but I have to say that I have witnessed countless intrusive, disruptive behaviors by photographers, even though I always plead with them ahead of time to be respectful of the service, but I get the sense that many do not even know what a respectful distance or behavior is under these circumstances…is this the paparazzi effect in our culture?:)
I feel at this point that I literally need to walk them over to particular spots in the church, far away from the chancel, and state: “You can come no closer than this.â€
Some examples, which have happened to me:
1) On a number of occasions, I’ve seen photographers literally leap into the aisle of the church during the ceremony to get “close ups†of the wedding party/family/etc., interrupting the procession and the service. (Once or twice, huge flashbulbs with jarring flashes were used…can you say spots in your eyes during the service???)
2) I literally had a photographer elbow me (as the officiant) to push me aside to get a shot of the bride processing up the aisle (??)…a withering sideways glance at her made her back off a little, but not much.After having spoken to photographer friends, I have been told that nowadays, a good telephoto lens will get good closeups from pretty much anywhere in most churches, and huge flashbulbs are also not necessary.
Anybody else have similar experiences? How do you handle this?
[You’ve got absolutely the right idea, Tom: introduce yourself, ask them for their card,* make pleasantries, feel them out, then show them where they can set up, walk them through the ceremony and tell them where they can get some good shots (they’ll appreciate it) and tell them exactly when they should not be shooting near you or at all (the prayer, for example). Most photogs are great but some are atrociously insensitive boobs. I had one photographer literally SLIDE ACROSS THE CHANCEL on his side, like a baseball player, snapping away during the vows. I stopped the service, gave him a withering look and when he didn’t get up from the floor I said, “Please, Sir, people will think you’re trying to shoot up the bridesmaids’ dresses.” He got up and moved, the crowd laughed their heads off, we began the vows again, and I ripped his head off after the service. I told him that if he wanted to play Wartime Photographer like an idiot he could bloody well do it somewhere other than the church. “What were you going for?” I bellowed. “The Up-the-Nostrils angle?” – PB]
Given the tendency for guests to become distracting photographers themselves, I begin every christening and wedding with something like these words in addition to the Words of Welcome and Call to Celebration,
“I invite you now to silence your cell phones, put away your cameras and let the professional photographer do his/her job, and to be fully present for (name of the couple or baby and family) as we celebrate this joyous and sacred occasion.”
Some diehards will still snap away, but they’ll probably turn off their flash, for one, and two, lots of people will thank you for giving them permission to put away the videocam and pay attention to the ceremony.
Do ask the couple or the family to send you a photo from the ceremony: it’s an absolutely wonderful thing on a dreary day to take out that file of photos of these rites of passage and to see the wonders of aging over the years!!
*If they’re good and you work well with them you can refer them to other people. If they’re bad and rude, you’ll have their name on file.
** Please do not ask the photographer for his or her phone number and a date at this time. That’s inappropriate. The time to do that would be after the service, and only if the photographer seems to be lingering over his or her lenses and equipment and is obviously flirting.
I’m sure this would shock many, however…
I have never been in a leadership position at a church that allowed photography in the sanctuary. At all. Period. A couple allow the photog to stand in the door and take pics in, but that’s it.
After the service, the photographer was allowed to bring people into the sanctuary and take pictures. However, after sitting with our rector for TWO HOURS waiting for them to be done so we could clean up and setup for Sunday services I will be looking at serious time constraints on how long those sessions after can go. (And really, is that how the bride and groom want to spend their one special day? Every couple I’ve seen looks utterly miserable being ordered about by the photog for hours.)
I’m in seminary still but I do not see myself changing that policy. The sanctuary is a sacred place, the service itself is a sacred thing. Photography is simply not appropriate.
Jo
Opinionated Seminarian
[I think in an ideal world, I would go right with you on that one. Two questions: what tradition are you in, and do the couples know this policy before they plan the service? – PB]
I tell photogs exactly where they can come up to, and allow flash during procession and recession. Then I say “Any other shots you want, I’ll be very happy to re-create them for your professional pictures after the religious ceremony is done”.
But my own wedding photographer was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. She’s downright invisible, super-respectful, awesome, and the darling of every priest she’s worked with. You just let me know, and I’m glad to pass on her name.
I swear she should give other photogs lessons on how to do it.
99% of the photographers I work with at weddings are very respectful and professional.
Then there was Mr. Sneaky, who stood and nodded like a bobble-head doll at the guidelines, then tried to mount a videocam ONTO one of the candelabra flanking the altar. After resisting the temptation to feed it to him, I assigned our wedding coordinator (not a planner) to “escort” his little self during the ceremony.
I attend every Sunday at Canterbury Cathedral, one of the most visited and photographed churches in the world. There is an absolute, strict, no-exceptions rule that there is NO photography, audio or video recording during ANY worship service, except when services are being recorded for a particular purpose (like a BBC broadcast). Worship services here are a tourist attraction.
Three weeks ago, I attended the single most prestigious annual service at this church (ordinations of deacons for the diocese of Canterbury). The Dean of the cathedral stood up before the service began, and reminded people that there would be plenty of opportunities to take pictures after the service at the West Door, and the Archbishop would be happy to be snapped with the new deacons. Official photographs would be available later through the Cathedral offices.
A worship service, even a wedding or baptism, is a sacred moment. NOBODY should be allowed to disturb it willfully, and nothing should supersede the honouring of God.
[You attend Canterbury Cathedral!!!?? GIRL! I so need to visit you! – PB]
Our photographer was super respectful and all-around awesome. If you’re getting married in the DC area and would like to have her contact info, e-mail me.
CC
I’ve actually never had a problem with professional photographers. They’ve always been respectful and asked me first what my policies where. The one who did our wedding was so delightful that I’ve not only referred him to others but I actually look forward to working with him at ceremonies. It helps that I live in a small town and there’s typically only a few folk that I work with over and over again.
However, I did recently do a wedding where FRIENDS insisted the couple kiss and kiss and kiss while they failed and failed and failed to get the shot. Given the relatively casualness of the service and my utter shock at the 3rd, 4th, 5th time they asked (remember, I’ve only had good experiences with photogs here) that I didn’t even think to tell them we could re-stage the shot later. But I’ll DEFINITELY remember that for the future.
I did a wedding a week to the day after my ordination. The photographer put [what I remember as] a GINORMOUS lens literally over my shoulder (it wasn’t in a church, just a big function room, so he was able to sneak around behind me without my noticing right away) during the ring exchange. The whithering look I gave him seemed to do the trick, but since then, I’ve made a point to discuss parameters beforehand.