Beauty Tips for Ministers

Don’t Let Nobody Stomp Your TANG

July 17, 2009 on 11:25 pm | In Theological Reflection On Your Fabulousness | 7 Comments

Last week I talked to a friend (via FaceBook, actually) who was randomly berated by an image consultant for not looking her best. I believe the exact words that this charming individual spoke were, “You could look so much better if you tried.”

Oh. My. GAW! Please join me in a communal, cyber jaw-drop!!

I won’t be catty and say that, according to my friend, this unsolicited advice came from a 60-something gal in skin-tight clothes, orange-hued make-up and mile-high bleached blonde hair … no, I won’t. You shan’t get those details from me because I am a Christian woman and it wouldn’t be seemly.

So, anyway. My friend who literally happens to have had an early career as an international high fashion model, I kid you not, and who has, um SORT OF A FABULOUS sense of style and is also beautiful and brilliant, was super bummed out by this stupid interaction. She said, in essence, “I may not be perfect but my TANG is together.”

To which I asked, “What is Tang? Like, the breakfast drink of astronauts?”

She told me that tang is your life force, your mojo, your vibe, your get-it-together. You know what I mean. And you know when your TANG is together.

So I have been thinking about this. My friend who had her TANG stomped by this insensitive person is a lawyer and a chaplain (yea, she’s multi-talented). She is a wife and mom. She, like you and every other person out there trying to be part of what God Is Making Happen out there does not need to have her TANG messed with by some client-grubbing Oompa Loompa-hued image consultant. Right? Can I have an amen?

Do not let anyone mess with your tang!!

I realized at about 8pm tonight that I had pretty much forgotten to eat all day. I had a little argument with myself: do I stay in and eat beets and gouda cheese or cereal, which is what I had in the fridge, or do I take myself out for the sushi I’ve been craving for a week, sit alone at a sushi bar and try not to feel over-tired, lonesome and vulnerable? I voted in favor of sushi. I got there, walked in, and the guy behind the bar (I like to think of him as Mr. Sensitive), calls out, “Are you all by yourself?”

I wanted to turn and walk out. I wanted to yell back, “NO, I’M HERE WITH MY INCREDIBLY HOT INVISIBLE BOYFRIEND, TODD! TABLE FOR TWO!”

Instead, I thought, “This man is NOT going to mess with my tang.” So I said with a big smile, “Don’t ever ask a single woman if she’s ALL ALONE. I’m not all alone, I’m taking myself out to dinner! Congratulate me for not being out on a bad blind date!” Mr. Sensitive said, “Oh, you’re taking some time off from your man!?” I said, “Give me a pomegranate margarita, no salt,” because, you know, you can only put in so much effort.

I wound up having a fantastic conversation about the medical ethics of organ donorship and transplants with a doctor and nurse sitting next to me and I had a grand time. Seriously.

There are too many things inherent in the work of ministry that stomp our TANG. What I’m saying, dear hearts, is to protect yours from the kind of stealth attacks that come from thoughtless or emotionally inept people. And when your tang does get stomped, as it inevitably will at times, do something to repair it before you go back out into the world.

I think I’m going to go listen to George Hearn sing, “I Put A Little More Mascara On” from “La Cage Aux Folles.”