Beauty Tips for Ministers

Getting To A Different Place

June 11, 2009 on 6:59 pm | In Beautiful Leadership | 4 Comments

Ministry has many phases, and it’s interesting and fulfilling to move into new ones.

My boundaries around days off and days on a becoming a little more fluid as I become closer to the congregation over the years, more relaxed in general, and less anxious about (1) being A+ at all times and (B) not getting any time off.
Over the past years I’ve gotten MUCH better at taking a whole day off, but it took taking a five-month sabbatical to really get, on a cellular level (my body’s cells, not my cell phone!) that it does no one any good if I am a “quivering mass of availability.” Simply put, I had to go away for five months to realize that it REALLY IS OKAY if I’m not on tenterhooks waiting for someone to need me every second of the day. Wow, is that a particular pathology to the parish minister, or what, pigeons!? Can you say, “compulsively checking e-mail and voice mail for messages?” Awful. Awful. Jesus didn’t wear a beeper, remember! He even WENT OFF ALONE TO PRAY. Concept!

Now, after a dozen years in ministry, when I see the red message light flashing on the phone when I walk in the house I first hang up my keys, greet the dog and maybe even attend to my own physical needs (eating, drinking, using the bathroom) before checking my messages. RAD, man! I used to grab ithe phone immediately as though it was a ticking bomb and if I didn’t GET those messages immediately, both the church and I would blow up. Ridiculous intensity! Ridonkulous, even!

Ministry keeps weird hours. Today I ran into a young couple at the grocery store who are going through some tough times and really need to talk. Well, it just so happens that tomorrow is my official day off, but it also just so happens that I really want to talk to them and find out what’s going on. So: compromise. They’ll come to the parsonage at 9AM so we can spend some time together, I’ll make some coffee and greet them in some very casual wear, and that will be fine. An outfit of something like yoga pants, a sweat jacket, a ponytail, some lipstick, a ponytail and earrings signal to me that the day is mine for gardening, cleaning and walking in the woods with my woofer, and it signals to my parishioners that we’re in a very intimate mode of mutual trust and care. There are times we can do this, and people we can do this with, and some times and some people with whom that kind of casual approach is inappropriate — where the yoga pants would indicate to someone, “I’m dressed this way because I just don’t care enough about this meeting to change my clothes for it.”

You have to know when you’re projecting “Come in, we’re relaxed, we’re family” vs. “Come in, I look this way because I’m disorganized and can’t get my act together.” Most important, of course, is your presence, your centeredness, your emanation of love, and your smile. I remember a colleague who would invite the staff to lunch and then slap the take-out containers right on the table and get right to the agenda. Her gesture of providing lunch was nice, but the lack of hospitality in the way she hosted the meeting made the greater impression, I’m afraid.