So darlings, I recently received an e-mail from a 34 year-old aspirant to the Episcopal priesthood, whose priest is very supportive but dropped, at the end of a meeting, this little bomb:
“We need to get you looking more like a priest.”
Ouch!
The aspirant (let’s call her “A” for aspirant) was surprised, and said this to me,
“I’m wondering if he’s trying to tell me to dowdy down a little.”
Good thing A. had attached photos of herself so I could see what we were working with.
And what I saw was that this gorgeous 30-something woman (and I am talking GORGEOUS) had already dowdied herself down without any urging from her priest, and in fact, needed very much to reconsider what her clothing choices were communicating. In one photo, taken at church, she was wearing a little jacket with enormous polka dots on it and big, over-sized buttons, paired with dress capris.
You know PeaceBang to be a blunt lady, so let’s just speak the words that went through my mind when I saw this image of A. at church, holding her similarly gorgeous son:
“Yikes, this is dated (very 1950’s – not the best era for women in religious leadership), cute-verging-on-clownish and communicating “FUN PTA MOM” … most definitely not priestly. ”
The second photo also featured A. with her children. Mom and kids were all dressed in bright red — a primary color that works really well on toddlers but must be used judiciously by adult women. A. was wearing a bright red shirt-jacket, a striped black-and-white T-shirt with red piping under that, and had on bright red lipstick. Again, adorable and definitely put-together, but way too matchy-matchy (matching our lipstick exactly to our garments is downright grandmotherly — please avoid it) and too easy to categorize as “Kool-Aid Mom.”
Don’t jump on me, kittens. This is what I do. This is why people write to me. I understand that when one is out with one’s little guys it’s fine and appropriate to dress as a Kool-Aid Mom. However, I could see a consistency in A’s attire choices — bright, primary colors, big prints, Cute School Volunteer image all the way. And because she wants to enter the priesthood and has a mentor who obviously cares enough about her to give her honest feedback about her need to cultivate a clergy visual image, A. needs to reconsider her preferences.
When I wrote to her with my analysis, A. was appreciative and said that yes, she did tend to gravitate toward bright, busy prints and colors. I recommended that she take a look around Anne Taylor and Banana Republic and other retail operations that cater to young professional women — not necessarily in order to buy anything, but to find a more professional, classic color palette that works for her and to see some of the cuts and styles that might work for her as she integrates more understated classics into her wardrobe. I recommended that she go get a free makeover at a department store cosmetics counter to play with more muted make-up options (she doesn’t need much make-up – holy cow, the gal is utterly beautiful with shiny hair and beautiful skin!).
I hope that A. won’t feel it necessary to stop wearing fun prints and big polka dots, but that she’ll incorporate them into her wardrobe as accents rather than the main course. For instance, she might wear a bright red fine-knit sweater under a black suit, add a pair of striped socks with classic loafers, and let her sense of whimsy be evident but not overwhelming. She could find a great pair of trousers, pair them with a beautiful white blouse and wear a big polka-dot tie as a belt. She could find a classic knee-length fitted dress in brown, black or charcoal and pop a bright pink patterned cardigan over it. She can tie her hair back with a neutral pink band and finish off the look with a pair of great chunky Mary Janes and opaque tights that match the dress. I mean, she’s far off from 40 yet. There’s no need to stop having fun with her clothes, just to reconsider what “fun” means, sartorially-speaking, for religious leaders.
She doesn’t need to “dowdy down” at all. In fact, I betchya a million bucks that when A. starts experimenting with new looks, she’s going to fall in love with what she finds. And when she hits that perfect combination of fun and classic that expresses her sense of self as woman, Mom, and priest, she’s going to be a powerful presence.
Lord, hear our prayers!
Ann Taylor and Banana Republic are great ideas! Anglicans tend to project classic looks so I’d add Talbots to the list, as well. Don’t forget the grey (or black, or probably both) suit that she’ll need for the clerical uniform; it may take months to find one that she likes and fits properly. If she doesn’t already have a clerical blouse, a black turtleneck or scarf and strip of white ribbon for the neck should give the approximate look to see if the outfit works.