Beauty Tips for Ministers

Those Hot Preachers

June 3, 2008 on 7:52 am | In Basic Grooming Issues, Vestments And Clericals |

‘Tis the season to get drenched with sweat under preaching robes, my doves, so listen up and Auntie PeaceBang will help you get through it.

If you can afford it, research vestment options in lightweight fabrics. Read the archives of this blog for suggestions. Have a talented friend sew something up for you. If you’re in the Free Church tradition and can be creative with vestments, by all means do be. I found a white duster at Lord & Taylor with a lapel and a bustline hook-and-eye closure on the sale rack about ten years ago and I LOVE that thing. It closes entirely over my street clothes, a stole rests beautifully on its lapels, and it weighs almost nothing.

Please do not throw vests or floaty hippie apparel on over your clothes and pretend that they’re appropriate as vestments. Anything standing in for a preaching robe should cover your street clothes entirely. Let’s not get cute with this. You’re either vested or you’re not. There is no such thing as a Preaching Shirt or Preaching Vest. Make a decision and make it work.

A cotton alb is a nice choice for an outdoor summer wedding or christening during the summer months. I have one with the traditional rope cincture that was inexpensive and which can be washed in the machine, praise the Lord. An alb is a distinctly pastoral garment — it is not a preaching garment, so don’t wear it if you’re not doing anything sacramental (for UUs, “fulfilling the priestly functions”).

When I preach in the summer I shower as close to the event as I can, dry off very thoroughly, whap corn starch-based baby powder all over my body with a huge puff, and wear
a 100% cotton slip under a dress (or pack it to change into later). I make sure to tuck a clean, ironed cotton hankie into my pocket for delicate moppings of facial perspiration (dab, don’t wipe). If you don’t have a pocket, tuck it into your wristwatch band or better yet, into the pocket of your folder.

I bring a towel and if need be, a hair dryer. I do not like attending receptions with soaking wet hair, which is always my condition following a summer preaching event in unair-conditioned sanctuaries. I like to change into fresh clothes, which is why the slip trick works so well.

A polyester slip will not do. Neither will a bikini, or even preaching in your underwear under a robe, which will cause rivulets of sweat to rush unimpeded down your poor, flushed body, making you extremely wet, pooling into your shoes, and ruining your robe. You might even get a rash. So please, be wise, a cotton strappy sundress, cotton briefs and a Hanes t-shirt — you want something to absorb the sweat of your labor.

P.S. Hide a quiet fan under the pulpit if you can get away with it. You can plug it into the sound system and no one need know.