Beauty Tips for Ministers

Garment Bags, ‘Brellies and Rainy Weddings

Hello my lovelies,
How is your autumn going? Here, a young minister asks some very excellent questions. So let’s answer them, shall we?

I am a young minister (almost ordained) and am co-officiating at my first wedding this week. I have several sartorial quandaries I’m wondering if you can help me with.

1) How do I pack my robe? I’m trying to decide whether to invest in a nice garment bag, or will it get just as messed up in one of those as in a suitcase? Any tricks for keeping it nice?

2) This is an outdoor wedding and it’s expected to rain. The bride just sent a note to everyone saying they have a tent for the reception but not for the wedding, so bring an umbrella. Should I ask her to find people to be umbrella holders? Any other suggestions?

Thanks for your help. I love your blogs!

And I love your questions, Rachel!
What a good reminder for PeaceBang to address the issue of garment bags. By all means, seminarians, obtain as nice a garment bag as you can afford as soon as you start robing. PeaceBang found hers for something like $15 at SYMS (”where the educated consumer is the best consumer”) and has been using it for over a decade. I love it because it is light nylon and has a very sturdy top loop AND a cunning little zippered pocket into which I like to tuck my service folio. Not only does it hang nicely in the car (I spread it across the back seat to arrive wrinkle-free), it also folds up easily to fit in my suitcase, where it goes carefully placed over everything else. When I arrive wherever I’m going I simply press or steam my robe. Some clergy prefer heavy duty garment bags with metal infrastructures, or even suitcases that function as one big garment bag, but when I pack I use the clothes-rolling method for which a traditional suitcase works much better. I roll everything up, tuck underwear and pantyhose in the sides, shoes face down over everything else (with the heels facing up and foot nestled into the clothes), and carefully place my robe in the folded garment bag on top of all. I pack all of my toiletries in a separate bag into which I also pack accessories like scarves and belts, bathing suits, etc. and my jammies. A small purse to carry on the plane or train, and I’m good to go.

I have also carried my garment bag as my second carry-on on some flights and asked that it be hung in first class with the bigwig’s garment bags. I say to the flight attendant, “I’ll be heading to a wedding as soon as I land and my clerical vestments are in this bag. Do you think there might be space to hang it up in the front of the aircraft?” It is my experience that if you ask nicely, they will graciously accommodate you. Wearing a collar on the flight doesn’t hurt.

As far as officiating in the rain goes, I would certainly first ask whether the ceremony might be moved under the tent for anything but a light drizzle. Sad to say, but couples don’t always think about the comfort of their guests when they’re trying to preserve their fantasy vision of Their Big Day, and it is the officiant’s responsibility to ask questions like, “Hmmm, well we could ask people to bring umbrellas, but mightn’t Aunt Serena’s arthritis flare up if she’s expected to stand on wet grass for 20 minutes, and don’t you think a number of people might appreciate not having to catch pneumonia/stand miserably trying to look happy for you/destroy their shoes because you’re too loopy in love to be practical and considerate right now?”

Don’t merely ask, suggest. Couples need your help; you’re the professional here, so take the reins. “I think if it rains more than just a very slight drizzle, we should gather everyone together under the reception tent and have the ceremony there. It will be so much more comfortable, people will be able to concentrate, everyone will be so much more comfortable, and it will be a major improvement on getting soaked on the beach… TRUST me.”
If the couple pushes back hard, by all means accommodate them. But given that no one they’re likely to listen to has urged them to create a reasonable Plan B in the event of rain, you should at least try.

And yes, you should have your own umbrella-holder. In fact, I would have fun with it and send four to six ushers down the aisle as part of the processional with huge golf umbrellas, creating a canopy under which you, the couple and their attendants can then stand. Another usher (or two or three) should be assigned to do the same for any elderly or disabled guests.

Priestly Stoles and Shapes

Happy October, darling readers, or as we like to say here in the Boston area, SOXtober!

Pigeons, can you advise? A lovely bride-to-be from Paris, France, writes with this inquiry:

It was so nice to stumble across your blog after months of fruitless research to get the fashion scoop on priest stoles!

I am getting married next year and my godfather, an Episcopalian priest, will be doing our ceremony. I am a fashion designer, I sew and embroider as a hobby. As a surprise, I would like to make him a handmade stole to wear for our wedding and also something that he can use for the rest of his life.

I am confused about what shapes are “appropriate” for a priest, especially the shape at the back of the neck. I noticed some stoles have a curved contour in neckline and are worn around the base of the neck while others come up at the back of the neck like a collar and still others are held in the back with a cord and the back comes down to form a V…

I’m confused! I don’t want to make a “faux-pas” and give him something that is for a deacon or a choir person, but at the same time I’d like for it to be a surprise!

Any advise that you have would be greatly appreciated!

My dear and considerate bride-to-be,

I confess that I don’t know the answer to this question! But I’m sure that other readers will be able to unerringly guide you to the correct shape for your thoughtful gift. We wish you all the best and hope you’ll send photos of your stole after you complete it.

Baiser de paix,
PB

Only Barney Can Wear Purple, You Guys!!

No, in all seriousness, Mrs. Philocrites has a big hamburger to get off her chest. So listen up, ya’ll, because she is one fierce little Piskie!

But even though you’re not blogging right now, PB, I just wanted to share a brief clergy shirt pet peeve: I can accept that UU and UCC clergy who never wear clergy shirts at their churches wear them in public, to rallies etc. It’s difficult, but I can accept it. What I cannot accept, however, is said UU and UCC clergy wearing PURPLE clergy shirts. Purple shirts are for bishops and bishops only, my non-liturgical tradition friends. And you look silly to all your Catholic and Episcopal colleagues wearing them if you don’t have a miter to go with the ensemble.

There, I’ve said it. I feel much better now.

And we thank you for saying it, too. Because while some of my colleagues might scoff, “Well, if I’m not in yer tradition, whudd I care about your color preferences,” I would say, “We should care, sassy people. It’s called respect, it’s called not playing dress-up in clothes that we know represents a level of authority and meaning for a religious tradition not our own, and not caring about that.”

We’re glad you feel better now, Mrs. P. And we promise that you’ll be seeing no more purple clerical shirts on readers of this blog who are clergy in the Free Church tradition and not bishops (which, um, they wouldn’t be anyway). Thanks for the friendly slap upside the head.

“Hey mister, where’s your miter, huh? Okay you kidder, we’re gonna have to pull you over for impersonating a bishop.”

Those Hot Preachers

‘Tis the season to get drenched with sweat under preaching robes, my doves, so listen up and Auntie PeaceBang will help you get through it.

If you can afford it, research vestment options in lightweight fabrics. Read the archives of this blog for suggestions. Have a talented friend sew something up for you. If you’re in the Free Church tradition and can be creative with vestments, by all means do be. I found a white duster at Lord & Taylor with a lapel and a bustline hook-and-eye closure on the sale rack about ten years ago and I LOVE that thing. It closes entirely over my street clothes, a stole rests beautifully on its lapels, and it weighs almost nothing.

Please do not throw vests or floaty hippie apparel on over your clothes and pretend that they’re appropriate as vestments. Anything standing in for a preaching robe should cover your street clothes entirely. Let’s not get cute with this. You’re either vested or you’re not. There is no such thing as a Preaching Shirt or Preaching Vest. Make a decision and make it work.

A cotton alb is a nice choice for an outdoor summer wedding or christening during the summer months. I have one with the traditional rope cincture that was inexpensive and which can be washed in the machine, praise the Lord. An alb is a distinctly pastoral garment — it is not a preaching garment, so don’t wear it if you’re not doing anything sacramental (for UUs, “fulfilling the priestly functions”).

When I preach in the summer I shower as close to the event as I can, dry off very thoroughly, whap corn starch-based baby powder all over my body with a huge puff, and wear
a 100% cotton slip under a dress (or pack it to change into later). I make sure to tuck a clean, ironed cotton hankie into my pocket for delicate moppings of facial perspiration (dab, don’t wipe). If you don’t have a pocket, tuck it into your wristwatch band or better yet, into the pocket of your folder.

I bring a towel and if need be, a hair dryer. I do not like attending receptions with soaking wet hair, which is always my condition following a summer preaching event in unair-conditioned sanctuaries. I like to change into fresh clothes, which is why the slip trick works so well.

A polyester slip will not do. Neither will a bikini, or even preaching in your underwear under a robe, which will cause rivulets of sweat to rush unimpeded down your poor, flushed body, making you extremely wet, pooling into your shoes, and ruining your robe. You might even get a rash. So please, be wise, a cotton strappy sundress, cotton briefs and a Hanes t-shirt — you want something to absorb the sweat of your labor.

P.S. Hide a quiet fan under the pulpit if you can get away with it. You can plug it into the sound system and no one need know.

Oonagh’s Advice

Morning, lovelies,

Oonagh posted a new, long comment at an old post and I didn’t think you should miss it.

Scroll down until you find it, because it’s filled with O’s typically hilarious, rambling ruminations about why people with a bosom look terrible in albs, on the evils of polyester, and the names of some excellent resources for shopping and sewing of clerical garb. Love to Oonagh down iin Panama.

She’s Not Going Back to Omar the Tentmaker

Darling ones,

This just in from a frustrated abundantly-sized clergygal:

Dear PeaceBang,
I just stumbled across your website. Boy, do I need you! I’m a plus size woman and can’t find any clergy clothes that don’t look like they came from Omar the Tentmaker. Do you know of any websites that feature clergy clothes for the full-figured woman that don’t cost an arm and a leg? Thanks!

Dear heart,
What, you don’t have an arm and a leg to sacrifice to the cause of looking decent in your ministry? Whatsamatta you? What kind of servant-leader ARE you, anyway? What kind of example are you setting?

All kidding aside, many of us are with you in this struggle and we do hope you’ll check the archives under “Vestments and Clericals” and “Plus Sizes.” Read not only the posts but the comments, for therein you will find your plus-sized comrades bemoaning the same sad fact (i.e., manufacturers of clericals are still thinking in terms of tall, straight up-and-down male bodies) and offering loads of suggestions. Try Holy Threads (mentioned this week on the blog) and see how her prices are. Let us know what you find. But if memory serves, there really is a treasure trove of information and help in the comments.

Good luck, hon, and thanks for making me laugh this morning about Omar. We ALL KNOW OMAR, don’t we?