Beauty Tips for Ministers

Jan Laurie Clergy Stoles

Fabric artist Jan Laurie wrote to me today to ask if I would promote her work here, and I am most happy to do so. Her website is here, and I think her stoles are beautiful!! Tell her PeaceBang sent you.

I must be honest and say that I think there are a lot of really ugly stoles out there, stoles that try to do too much, stoles that are so much about the “journey” of the wearer or the creativity of the artist that I think of them as “Therapy Stoles” and fail to see any the connection between them and the Church. I see too many stoles that just look messy and like a child’s art project, and too many that look seriously out of place in beautiful, formal sanctuaries. Jan Laurie’s work is simple, elegant, Christian, liturgical. Halo of praise.

If you want to get me one, I’d LOVE the white/ecru one for weddings and Easter! I’m 5′3″, in case you were wondering.

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M.Div., B.O.

This Just In: CLERGYWOMEN PERSPIRE.

Great balls o’ fire! Didn’t know that, did you? Because unlike PeaceBang, you have never, for instance, preached an ordination sermon at the end of August in Pittsburgh and actually needed to change your entire outfit afterwards because you could LITERALLY wring sweat out of your skirt. And unlike PeaceBang, you have never kept a hair dryer in your office for summer weddings and funerals so that you could officiate, blow dry your hair and then appear at the reception looking like an almost-normal human being. Unlike PeaceBang, you have never tucked a lightweight cotton hand towel into the back waistband of your pantyhose to catch the sweat that runs down your back before it drips down your legs and pools into your pumps.
You have never done these things because you are a LADY, and ladies don’t sweat, they glisten.

If that’s you, just move along then. Go be delicate, dry and fragrant somewhere else.

Here is a letter from a lady minister who not only glistens, she sweats. And she has a delicate problem caused by the necessity of wearing unnatural fibers:

I only wear my collar on Sundays and other holidays. I tend to wear a sleeveless shell with a cardigan or jacket. Here’s my problem- the man-made materials of my shirts eventually retain the smell of body odor and have to be thrown away! What are my other options? I prefer a wash and wear, because I do not iron.
I’ve had this problem with both the Almy and the WomenSpirit sleeveless clerical blouses.

Any thoughts?

My first thought, darling, is MITCHUM, which I think is the best deody-o made.
My second thought is “I’m glad I don’t wear a collar.” I’m quite partial to cotton, you see.
My third thought is, why not try those perspiration shields you can find in some of the older drugstores? Couldn’t hurt. It seems simply awful to spend all that money on the clerical shirts only to have to discard them. Would a good Woolite rinse after each wash prolong their life longer? Febreze?

Perspiring, clericals-wearing colleagues, chime in!

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Converting Regular-Guy Shirts Into Clergy Shirts: How-To-Edition

Pigeons of my heart,
PeaceBang just received this cry for help, and she knows that YOU have answers for this young pastor. Here he speaks in his own words,

I have a kind if different question. I am a minister in a small town church in Tennessee. I am 30 and an ordained bishop with the [denomination]. This is mostly a suit and tie with the older ministers and nice shirt and dress pants/jeans for the younger. Now for the question. I would like to wear a clergy collar and was wondering if a tailor could take a regular shirt and modify the collar for the slip in kind of collar. This would mostly be worn for jail visits and other occasions where I am acting on official church business but I don’t wear a shirt and tie. There are alot of nice Christian button up shirts with a design that look nice but I would like to make them into a clergy shirt. I appreciate any help.

I’m not sure what “Christian button-up shirts” are (with designs?) but that’s not what our friend here is asking about. He wants to conversion advice. Not converting sinners into saints, but converting shirts into clericals. Readers?

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Clergy Dress By WomanSpirit: PeaceBang Review

And what, pray tell, is this?

It’s a shirtwaist dress with a clergy collar attached. Is this for the office? For services? What?
Weird.
As a day dress, it’s ugly as sin and skimpy-looking. I mean, belted shirtwaist dresses can be very cute with the proper accessories and in a fun color on the right figure (not mine, kids, not mine), but black with 3/4 length sleeves?? No.

As a vestment, I’m just baffled by what this communicates. It’s sort of Donna Reed-Meets-Father Frank. All she needs is a crinoline and she could be like, “OH! I was just baking cookies at home when I realized I was late for church! Good thing I happned to be wearing my cross-dressing Priest/Mommy Clergy Dress at the time so I could run from the kitchen to the chancel!”

This reads like clergy drag to me.
We are women. We wear dresses sometimes. Shirtwaist dresses are fine (although decidedly frumpy on wide-hipped gals, I’m sorry to say); we wear those, too. When we are wearing vestments, we wear vestments. They do not attempt to resemble day dresses, for they have a different function. Finally, one does NOT wear clericals with a shirtwaist dress. It’s frumpy and awkward and not professional.

So, WomanSpirit, thanks for trying to give us another option but I’m calling this one a fail. With some adjustments it would make a nifty contemporary habit for an order of nuns.

Thanks to Caroline Divine for the link.

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Florida Wedding

I had the wonderful joy of officiating at CousingBang’s wedding tonight out at the Jupiter, Florida lighthouse under a 130-year old banyon tree. Full moon, balmy wind, just beautiful.

It was a bit difficult figuring out what to wear for an outdoor wedding: I also needed garments I could smoosh into a suitcase from Boston because I’m sorry, I wasn’t going to pay an extra $25 to bring another garment bag!

I wound up going with a sleeveless brown and black print dress and sweater combo for the reception, and a lightweight duster that I use as a robe, coupled with a stole. The only thing I did to the duster to make it more appropriate for my use was to move the hook-and-eye closure up from the waist to the chest so that it would fall more nicely and cover more of my street clothes.

The dress is under there, you just can’t see it very well:

Here’s what it looked like with the little sweater and freshwater pearls.
I freely admit and confess that I wore patent leather FLIP-FLOPS to the reception because my feet hurt after an hour standing on a cement walkway and then for the ceremony in the wedges. It was a casual setting and I know that’s no excuse, but I did it anyway.

I wore two cocktail rings and had a French manicure, not this dark goth polish:

(TJ Maxx. Pearl and silver cocktail ring)

HEY, here’s something cool… I read the ceremony off of my Kindle!! And it was fabulous!!! I used it because I had technical difficulties with my little netbook and wasn’t confident that I would be able to print out the ceremony and use my usual binder, but as it was a windy night, it turned out to work beautifully for the site and the occasion. I am a total convert and will be doing all of my wedding services using the Kindle from now on.

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Piskie Cry For Help

Doves, I got this a few days ago,

Dear PeaceBang,

Kindly provide advice regarding cassocks & surplice for a size 8, 5′ 5″ deacon-in-training in the Episcopal Church.

Re: cassocks – anglican or roman?

Re: surplices – old english or american?

After viewing pics at www.almy.com I think that the anglican cassock will be as dreadful as a cinctured alb and that the American surplice will make me look short and squat. So far my only advice is from a male priest (who clearly understands nothing of the trauma of nipping in excess fabric at the waist) and a female priest (who has voted for comfort and fewer buttons over femininity).

Oh, PeaceBang, please help. These are too pricey to make a mistake.

Dearest K,
What are the other deacons-in-training around you wearing? I would definitely consult with them first. Welcome to the world of “Oh my LORD, vestments make my butt/waist look huge!” It’s part of our work, I’m afraid, and I wouldn’t fret overly about it. As I’ve written you privately, do take a look at the extensive archives on the subject, with special attention to the “Piskie” entries and comments. And I know that my readers are going to jump in here with loads of helpful ideas as they always do, because they’re the bestest!!

Kiss of peace, PB

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