Beauty Tips for Ministers
Because you're in the public eye, and God knows you need to look good.
You Can Get Your Own Commitment Ring
March 12, 2008 on 7:13 am | In Accessories |They say this happens but I’ve never experienced it before: as soon as you meet someone and get seriously involved, the men/womenfolk come out of the woodwork to flirt and hit on you.
I am a friendly, extroverted gal. I talk to everyone. I am not going to stop talking to everyone, taking an interest in what they say, and smiling at them. Flirting is a beautiful thing that, when done appropriately and not in a sleazy manner, is a way of communicating “Hey, you’re a beautiful human.” Cats flirt. Babies flirt. God flirts with us all the time, trying to make us fall in love with creation, or at least enter into a more committed, devoted relationship with it.
So I’m not going to stop shining on people, but lately that shining has turned into direct requests for my number, coffee dates, etc. WHAT??? Since when in my life does this EVER happen? I find it profoundly uncomfortable to go into a blushing stammer and to say thanks, but I’m in a relationship, isn’t that nice of you, as my heart pounds and I try to sensitively extricate myself from the conversation and wonder what I did wrong, or if I’m supposed to change my personality now, or something.
Yesterday I went on a little spring stroll after class to my favorite jewelry store in Newton Centre, Silver Woman, and fell in love with this little blue topaz ring:
(What’s that you say? I’m never going to have a future as a hand model?)
The price tag was less than you’d pay for a sushi dinner, and as I put it on the fourth finger of my left hand I realized exactly what I was doing. I had just purchased a “this isn’t a diamond but it is a stone I’m wearing on that finger, and it might communicate something to someone who assumes I’m single and available. Then again, it might not. Either way, I love the ring and the blue of the stone reminds me of someone’s eyes in the sunlight. So hang it all, I’m going to wear it for me.”
All this STUFF around rings and their meanings and all the protocol around when and who buys them and how much you spend and what things should look like strikes me as mostly uptight, old-fashioned hooey. But however much that may be true, a ring on the fourth finger of the left hand is a powerful symbol in our culture, and I’ve stuck one on there by way of saying, “My heart belongs to the whole world, but my romantic and relational energies are, at this time, invested in one significant other.”
Interesting.
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It is true that there’s nothing like the glow of new love to make others attracted. True for guys too. No sooner had we gotten engaged than my husband — who is neither a huge extravert nor a flirt — was being hit on in elevators by strangers.
I got him an engagement ring of his own to fend them off.
Comment by Pamela Fickenscher — March 12, 2008 #
I remember this hilarious episode of Oprah from many, many years ago about women who couldn’t seem to find a date. They were all really good looking, had good jobs, and bubbly personalities. But they claimed to never be asked out. This one woman in particular was just gorgeous. She seemed to think she wasn’t being asked out because she was a little overweight, but I found that hard to believe because she was just … she looked like a cross between Christie Brinkley and the plus-size model, Elle.
Anyway, right before the show ended, a young man stood up in the audience and addressed her. He was like, “Umm. I would totally ask you out because you are smart, and beautiful, and confident. But I’d assume you were taken already, esp. because you’re wearing a ring on the 4th finger of your left hand.”
The woman gasped, and was like, “This little thing?! But it’s not a wedding band or anything!” And Oprah was like, “oh, girl.” She took the ring off right then; apparently she’d been wearing it for years on that finger because that was the one it fit best on.
I hope that girl has found someone since then!
Comment by hafidha sofia — March 12, 2008 #
…as soon as you meet someone and get seriously involved, the men/womenfolk come out of the woodwork to flirt and hit on you.
TOTALLY true! It’s pretty wild.
Love that you bought yourself a ring. Who says we have to do things the way “the culture” has set things up?! It’s a fine womanly thing you did, a loving thing, a feminist thing, and as a former UU I dare say a great UU thing to do too! Right on. And SweetieBang does have kind of topaz-y eyes. Nice.
Comment by Caroline Divine — March 12, 2008 #
It’s a beautiful ring. I got hit on more the first year of my marriage than I did the five years before I got married combined! And my engagement ring is a sapphire because I’m not that big into diamonds. Go you!
Comment by Shawna R. B. Atteberry — March 12, 2008 #
Well, this rarely happens now, but when I was younger, I got asked out every winter (because of my cute red mittens). Some men are very careful about checking for a ring. A married friend of mine plays with her wedding ring, often attaching it to her watch. Here is a quote from a male friend: “What? I have to look at both her finger and her watch?”
Comment by Elizabeth J. Barrett — March 12, 2008 #
looooove blue topaz! pretty ring!
Some friends of mine were not interested at all in engagement ring (one couple got a porch swing together), but I always liked the signals that a ring on a certain finger could send. And I was always checking out other peoples’ fingers, too, because I’m inquisitive (um, nosy) and like figuring people out.
Comment by Margo — March 13, 2008 #
Entering a convent works the same way. Sometimes even when people know. Amazing.
Comment by Sarah — March 25, 2008 #